I may have a problem.

[Furious J]

Hi.

I'm on a bit of a health kick, right now. Up until the last year or so, I kinda let myself go. But, lately I've been making strides with my physical health. I've changed my diet completely. I run, swim and am involved in the martial arts.

Overall, I spend at least 12 hours a week in sustained, high intensity activity. It's working great for me. I'm losing weight rapidly, my muscle definition is improving. I get more sideways glaces from women than I could ever remember.

Even my G.P seems impressed. By all means, I should feel better. But, I don't. I don't feel any better and I don't know why. I'm not what you would call unattractive in the contemporary fashion sense of the word. I do take some pride in my appearance and I'm in better shape than I've ever been.

But, I still hate the way I look. I hate my face. I hate my body. I feel ugly. However, when I get really drunk and/or high, it's different. I see the attractive me. If it's somebody else's mirror that I'm looking into, it's like seeing a different person. It's ridiculous.

But I can't seem to help it. I'm trying to improve my sense of self image.

But, for all of my hard work, I still feel like a slob.

 

[Daniel E.]

You mentioned in your first post that you are seeking professional treatment for depression. Certainly, if you have clinical depression, that can take a huge toll on self-esteem, etc. In a nutshell, people with depression tend to see themselves as "losers."

Are you planning on seeing a therapist or getting some counseling?

Also, unconditional self-acceptance is more important than self-esteem:

I regularly tell my therapy clients that if they genuinely want to improve their self-esteem, they need to explore what parts of themselves they're not yet able to accept. Ultimately, liking ourselves more (or getting on better terms with ourselves) has mostly to do with self-acceptance. And it's only when we stop judging ourselves that we can secure a more positive sense of who we are. Which is why I believe our self-esteem rises naturally as soon as we stop being so hard on ourselves. And it's precisely because self-acceptance involves far more than self-esteem that it's generally seen (as self-esteem is not) to be crucial to our happiness and peace of mind.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/self-esteem-and-self-concept/13282-the-path-to-unconditional-self-acceptance.html

 

[Furious J]

@ Daniel: Yes, I'm currently seeing a psychiatrist. Only once a month, though. Honestly, this hasn't become a real foreground issue until lately. I really did let myself go for a while. I didn't actually care. I had basically given up It's only now that I really do scrutinize myself.