I have mentioned this to two therapists without getting any good answer to what this is about.
First I can tell you that I feel some people can read my mind. I also have the "ability" to feel the emotional pain other's are suffering. At worst I got thoughts of suicide because the person that I feel connected to are having it. I have to work on handling many people inside me at the same time. So far I've dealt with only one at a time. I don't know how many I could handle.
But my unusual problem is that I really really want to hear voices or see things that are not there. This started last year where I just suddenly became obsessed with the idea of having hallucinations. I started watching videos about people with hallucinations and they made my cry and hitting myself because I was both sad and angry at myself for not having this ability. I think people who have such hallucinations are more fascinating than normal people, and I really want to become one myself. I really don't want to be just normal.
Sometimes I stay awake for a couple of nights hoping to get it. Sometimes I don't take my meds (because I know my meds prevent psychotic symptoms). Which is good because I hate being paranoid, but it prevents me for getting hallucinations.
This is really shameful and it's not meant to be an insult to those who are suffering from hallucinations. I know it's not any fun, but I am so wicked that I want to suffer. Maybe its about a damaged self-image or something. I dunno. At worst I think of this all day long, and it makes it difficult to be a work, or meet people. It's wicked, I know.
---------- Post added at 06:40 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:45 PM ----------
I would highly appreciate if Dr. Baxter would give his views on this issue. It might be viewed as ridiculous and even provocative, but for me it's a real problem.
First I can tell you that I feel some people can read my mind. I also have the "ability" to feel the emotional pain other's are suffering. At worst I got thoughts of suicide because the person that I feel connected to are having it. I have to work on handling many people inside me at the same time. So far I've dealt with only one at a time. I don't know how many I could handle.
But my unusual problem is that I really really want to hear voices or see things that are not there. This started last year where I just suddenly became obsessed with the idea of having hallucinations. I started watching videos about people with hallucinations and they made my cry and hitting myself because I was both sad and angry at myself for not having this ability. I think people who have such hallucinations are more fascinating than normal people, and I really want to become one myself. I really don't want to be just normal.
Sometimes I stay awake for a couple of nights hoping to get it. Sometimes I don't take my meds (because I know my meds prevent psychotic symptoms). Which is good because I hate being paranoid, but it prevents me for getting hallucinations.
This is really shameful and it's not meant to be an insult to those who are suffering from hallucinations. I know it's not any fun, but I am so wicked that I want to suffer. Maybe its about a damaged self-image or something. I dunno. At worst I think of this all day long, and it makes it difficult to be a work, or meet people. It's wicked, I know.
---------- Post added at 06:40 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:45 PM ----------
I would highly appreciate if Dr. Baxter would give his views on this issue. It might be viewed as ridiculous and even provocative, but for me it's a real problem.
