Hello again, my computer crashed a few months ago. I'm borrowing a laptop now. I used to come to this site a lot. Anyway, the blues are back. I was really OK for awhile, I got my old job back, was keeping busy there, and making plans to better my future. Then they started cutting my hours, and I started feeling really depressed and anxious again.
All I do is talk, talk, talk, talk about what I want to do, and it never seems like I ever get anything done. I've been saying that I want to go back to school, and I even registered for classes. Then I decided to change the classes, and the school said I could do it online, so I dropped the old ones with the intent to add new ones. Of course, it wouldn't let me now, and apparently I have to go back into the school and do the whole thing over again. It took me FOREVER to sign up for these classes. It's things like this that make me feel like I want to give up.
Also, I start questioning my choice of what to study, and keep changing my mind. I can't think of anything I'm interested in enough to follow through with. It's such a long commitment, I don't know how I will be able to keep myself motivated to actually finish something I start.
I feel like I had climbed out of a hole, and now I'm slowly sliding down it again. I slept until 1:30 pm today. I was supposed to get up early to straighten this stuff out. I still wonder what the point is. It's such a struggle to accomplish anything when you're depressed. And then I'm reminded that I really should see someone, yet I have no $$$, and no insurance, still.
Thought I'd visit this site because I have a lot in common with others who gain their support from this community.
Yesterday at work, I had 2 of those posh, designer brand high maintenence girls laughing at me because I found a dead butterfly, and was going to keep it because it was so beautiful.......black with sparkly blue wing tips. (wondered if it was a symbolic gift from the universe to help me transform???) I was asking this older co-worker what I could do with it. He suggested framing it. The girls rudely suggested without my asking their opinion to throw it in the trash. It didn't bother me so much then, until I had another woman I work with later ask me what's wrong with my hair.....(it gets real frizzy in the humidity.) I asked her, "What do you mean?" She replied, "Oh, so you don't see what I see, Rebecca, you gotta do something about that hair." I just looked at her, and walked away, while saying sarcasticly, "People here are so NICE!"
I started feeling inferior after these dumb comments from these ignorant women. It seems like certain people sense when you're very weak, and will attack you. I spiralled down into my negative thought patterns.........you must look and act a certain way to be successful, or whatever. I know that's absurd, but it's where my mind goes when I'm feeling like this. What do you call it?.... self defeating thought patterns? Well, I'll end here, just wanted to talk it out with people who actually understand and go through the same thing. Thanks for listening.
All I do is talk, talk, talk, talk about what I want to do, and it never seems like I ever get anything done. I've been saying that I want to go back to school, and I even registered for classes. Then I decided to change the classes, and the school said I could do it online, so I dropped the old ones with the intent to add new ones. Of course, it wouldn't let me now, and apparently I have to go back into the school and do the whole thing over again. It took me FOREVER to sign up for these classes. It's things like this that make me feel like I want to give up.
Also, I start questioning my choice of what to study, and keep changing my mind. I can't think of anything I'm interested in enough to follow through with. It's such a long commitment, I don't know how I will be able to keep myself motivated to actually finish something I start.
I feel like I had climbed out of a hole, and now I'm slowly sliding down it again. I slept until 1:30 pm today. I was supposed to get up early to straighten this stuff out. I still wonder what the point is. It's such a struggle to accomplish anything when you're depressed. And then I'm reminded that I really should see someone, yet I have no $$$, and no insurance, still.
Thought I'd visit this site because I have a lot in common with others who gain their support from this community.
Yesterday at work, I had 2 of those posh, designer brand high maintenence girls laughing at me because I found a dead butterfly, and was going to keep it because it was so beautiful.......black with sparkly blue wing tips. (wondered if it was a symbolic gift from the universe to help me transform???) I was asking this older co-worker what I could do with it. He suggested framing it. The girls rudely suggested without my asking their opinion to throw it in the trash. It didn't bother me so much then, until I had another woman I work with later ask me what's wrong with my hair.....(it gets real frizzy in the humidity.) I asked her, "What do you mean?" She replied, "Oh, so you don't see what I see, Rebecca, you gotta do something about that hair." I just looked at her, and walked away, while saying sarcasticly, "People here are so NICE!"
I started feeling inferior after these dumb comments from these ignorant women. It seems like certain people sense when you're very weak, and will attack you. I spiralled down into my negative thought patterns.........you must look and act a certain way to be successful, or whatever. I know that's absurd, but it's where my mind goes when I'm feeling like this. What do you call it?.... self defeating thought patterns? Well, I'll end here, just wanted to talk it out with people who actually understand and go through the same thing. Thanks for listening.