I'm being a brat...

[Cavi]

Ya know there is times when I want to smack me!...I've been reacting to upcoming events and as each day gets closer to that event, I act out worse than the day before...By rights I should be in a psych hospital but every time they lock me up I totally freak out (not showing it to the docs) and I've decided going through it on the outside world is better than going through it on the inside!...

anyways...A while ago I made a comment to K that I couldn't go back down the SI road b/c it was hard on me and her comment was, "YOU?? what do you think it does to me, trust me its a heck of alot harder on me than it ever was you"...I clammed up...Last week when I cut, I hid it from K, she still doesn't know...Yesterday I started having cutting urges again and my T called me last night b/c of an email I sent her...I know me and I know where I am headed as far as the cutting and its not a pretty place to be and I said that to my T last night...She told me to tell K about the cutting urges that it had been a long time since K made that nasty comment and to try and give K the benefit of the doubt...

So this a.m. I said to K that I needed to tell her something and I proceeded to tell her about the cutting urges and that the upcoming event was causing major problems...Her response was "here we go again, every year you react to your mom's b-day and she's dead and you refuse to let it go...But than she continued with "but you have all the support you need, I've always been here for you"...As shes talking I am thinking to myself "can I choke yet"...

But this is my attitude, I concentrate on the negative of what K does but not the positive...do I believe I have her support? NO!...K is one of the most self centered uncompassionate people I know...don't even get me started....
but my attitude needs to change towards her, I believe there is good in every human alive, but yet when it comes to K, I refuse to see it...

She knows I come on this board and she'll make comments like, why do you go there, your not like them...That ticks me off!...than my brat mode kicks in gear towards K...K will say, why do you always see the worst in me...I guess my reason of this post is A. to vent and B. to find out why I have my head stuck in the sand when it comes to seeing good in K...I hate the fact I am so blinded to it...Other people love K (if they only knew what she said behind their backs) so why did I have to write that little dig that I just wrote??...

RIMH who is stuck on the negative.....................

 

[Cat Dancer]

I am sorry she is being insensitive about the anniversary of your mother's death. You don't just get over something like that.

I get stuck on the negative too sometimes and it's really hard to turn it around. But it doesn't sound like you're stuck on the negative about K. It sounds like you're being realistic about the kind of person she is and it sounds like you'd be better off without her.

 

[foghlaim]

It's easy to see one side of a person when you don't live with them,, other ppl do not live with K, you do.

I was once in a relationship with an abusive person, but outside the home he was the most perfect gentleman, kind, caring etc.. that is what other ppl saw. I gave the benefit of the doubt many many times before i had to say okay enough is enough.

Giving the benefit of the doubt is good, it allows a person to check if indeed their perception of a situation or person is correct or distorted. With your therapists help and getting feedback here, you will be able to check if your head is stuck in the sand or if you are actually seeing K in her true light.

going on what you have written above (and other posts), I tend to agree with you regarding your thoughts on K. I don't think you have your head stuck in the sand. Just my opinion tho.

 

[Cavi]

I keep telling myself that other people don't know her like I do, but it takes two to tango and I do alot wrong also...RIMH