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[sissybabe]

I was formerly married (16 years) to a man with ASPD (Anti-social Personality Disorder), he was diagnosed by 3 separate psychiatrists while in serving an 18 month prison sentence for federal bank fraud, this happened about 4 years before our marriage ended.

I am reaching out to (hopefully) gain some wisdom and advice on how to let go of all of the pain as well as how to protect my children (ages 16, 17 & 19) from him. I have full physical and legal custody, he doesn't pay child support or have any sort of positive influence with my children. He left us alone for about 3 years and felt so safe, but then all of a sudden he showed up in town & has promised my children money, cars, college education & anything else they could ever want....IF they come and live with him in his "mansion". They are smart enough to know better but many times, he sucks them in.

To top it all off, the past month my son got into some trouble for taking a pocket knife to school. I immediately got him into counseling because I have been concerned about his interest in weapons and also about his occasional lack of respect toward me.

 

[forgetmenot]

Can you not get a restraining order keeping him away from you and your children hun I would also change my phone number etc
It is good you are getting your child some councilling do they have any male figures in their lives that can be a positive influence on them like big brothers association
just a thought
Welcome to PL hun

 

[sissybabe]

Eclipse,

Thank you for your response. I've had a restraining order in the past...I'm sure I could get another one. I would LOVE to block him from my kids however, my concern about putting my hand down and completely blocking him from my children is this... they are older now and soon will be adults. Most teenagers, when told "they can't", "no", or anything else that takes away their ability to choose on their own, they rebel. I don't want them to sneak around behind my back to talk to their dad...that could be worse & so far, most of the time they ignore him. But then again, what if they decide not to?

Has anyone out there had any success in blocking a parent from their teenagers? I would love to speak with someone who's been there (where I am) and done that (raised healthy children with an ASPD parent).

Yes, my children do have healthy male role models in their lives. I just pray my kids' are influenced more by the positive male role models, rather than the negative one.

Again, thank you Eclipse

 

[making_art]

Welcome, Sissybabe

You have a difficult parenting issue to deal with and I have no experience myself with this but did find this online support group that you may get direct experience from other people in your shoes:

Out of the FOG - Personality Disorder Support
Out of the FOG is an information site and support group offering help to family members and loved-ones of people who suffer from personality disorders. Out of the FOG was written and developed by people who have experienced a relationship with a family member, spouse or partner who suffers from a personality disorder.

Here's another site that talks about co-parenting with a sociopath father. I did not read read through the site but this article seems that it may be helpful. Sociopaths and children

 

[AmZ]

Welcome

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Hi Sissybabe...

Perhaps you could do with a few family counseling sessions with you and the kids?

Have you talked to your kids and asked how they feel? They might be feeling mixed up of course: they want to love Dad and he even sometimes seems to love them when he gives them gifts. Even if they feel they want to talk to their dad, you can always explain that you are the one who is left to look after them, and it is your sworn and loving duty to protect your children. You could say that if anything every happened to them you would not be able to have that on your conscience. So if something odd and manipulative starts setting alarm bells in your head, you are the parent and you will be forced to protect them.

It's a difficult decision, for sure, and yes they could still go looking for their dad. But kids at that age are a bit strong-willed and think they are invincible and believe nothing bad will happen to them. If they haven't had full disclosure on what exactly Anti-social Personality Disorder is, then perhaps they need some thorough training... And of course, you don't have to be the one to tell them, that would be a therapist's job -- they are impartial and objective. So if the kids see that someone other then their parent is saying this is the case, they might be more likely to accept the truth, no matter how hard it is... It might be helpful to point out that you love them unconditionally, but dad doesn't know how to love -- dad thinks he can only get you to love him by giving them things, and then by getting the kids to love him, he gets to manipulate them to do things for him. He wants to use people. People are playthings to him.

Perhaps you could at least inform the police (not 911 just a complaint or ask for guidance), and journal different times/dates/incidents of things that are worrying you. You could hold off as long as possible on a restraining order (if that is what you are counseled to do), and maybe start by allowing only supervised visits... Like in the presence of a social worker or some other authority.

My mom has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, but she does have a few things in her spectrum that seem to cross over to the Anti-Social or Psychopath side of things, so I don't know exactly how things were in your situation, but maybe a tiny bit.

Hope this helps...

 

[sissybabe]

Thank you so much Make_Art & JollyGreenJellyBean. This information has been very helpful. My son & I have a counseling appointment this afternoon and I will ask about family counseling.