I'm on my own now

[kelsischanging]

Today I signed myself out of outpatient alcohol/drug rehab against medical advice...I feel I'm ready...they don't...I have been in out patient rehab for about five months...I have 81 days clean b/c I did have some relapses after entering the program...my drug of choice is cocaine, alcohol but really anything will do...although I thought I was ready to get out of the program, now I'm really scared ...I don't know what to do ...well I do but I don't want to do the things I should be doing...I am really involved in Narcotics Anonymous(NA) and have support and a sponser through that so I know I should use that support but it's crazy I feel like my brain is craving coke at this moment...also I have been doing really well at not cutting...I haven't cut since Dec. 05 but those urges are creeping into my mind to...I'm sitting here thinking "I could just use and no one would have to know...it's not like I have to go to NA and now I don't have to show up at any appts..."  I know that's dangerous thinking but that's whats going through my messed up head :frown:...In August I am going to college three years from where I live and I'm already stressing about that....college=major parties w/ alcohol and MAJOR temptation...my depression is also hitting hard now ...I just need advice and reassurance...thanks so much

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Call your NA sponsor now, kels. That's what a sponsor is for - to help you through these times. If you fail to use the supports available to you, you will only be demonstrating that your doctors are right and that you are not yet ready to leave the program.

 

[fancy792]

Kels,

It wonderful that you took the time to ask for help on here. The help your NA sponsor can give you will also help you. You can stay clean! You did it, Keep it up. Everyday will be a challenge and you can continue without it. 81 days is lots to be proud! You probably got also support books to keep your mind focus. Prove your doctor wrong.

Keep in touch! There is always support around you.

 

[g-scared]

Aay.. I think that you should call someone, asap. Even if it is just a friend. It's ok to admit that your doctors were right, but don't let yourself relapse. You've done so well already, and I'm sure it was difficult getting to the point you are now. I would hate to see you have to start over again.

So, yes, call please. You do not have to deal with this alone.

 

[K9]

Kels, I hope you are watching this post and please speak to someone.
I also think you will benefit greatly from speaking to your NA sponsor.
Your sponsor understands and has been where you are so he/she CAN
help you.

Meanwhile come online and talk to us or ring a crisis line or a friend or
family member or try rehab again.

As a family member of someone in a similar boat to yours regarding drugs
I want you to know there is ALWAYS someone who cares. Just REACH OUT.

Look after yourself. Hope to hear from you soon. K9

 

[Halo]

Kels I have to agree with everyone else and hope that you have called your sponsor. It can be great help and support to speak to someone who understands your situation. In any event, I am glad that you came on here and reached out to us.

Take Care
Nancy

 

[kelsischanging]

Hey guys,
Thanks for all the advice...I have been hitting NA meetings hard and have been talking to my sponsor and my best friend who is also a recovering addict...tomorrow (well actually today it's 3:20 AM) I have a meeting with my old psychologist, the one I saw before rehab...I work better with him and have built a good relationship with him...I just wish I could sleep now...but that's kinda a side effect of my addiction b/c I would stay up using a lot of the night...I guess I'll go to the gym when it opens at 5:15AM-I was going to do that anyway but now I'm more alert...ok well I'm just so thankful for all my resources...this is one of my 24/7 resources..
thanks again
ps: Dr. Baxter what are YOU doing up at this time

 

[K9]

Hey Kels, terrific news I am so so pleased for you. Keep up the good work.

I only wish my family member would reach out to NA a bit more. He only goes when he has the urge to use I think. He was clean for 12 months a couple of years ago, then relapsed.

In any case, I know that he is the one that needs to make the decisions.
One thing though he is making progress, not using presently but not wanting to go to a psychologist (which we are happy to pay for as we have insurance).

I would love to hear how you are doing from time to time.
Good luck.

K9