[Trigger] I'm so emotional. I can't get it together.

[Thelostchild]

This is really horrible to be in a situation where things are black and white (anorexia relapse) There is a side of me that knows the bad things that can happen the signs, symptoms, medical hospitalization and the ton of work that has to be done to be healthy and then there is the other side where it doesn't matter what happens medically who cares if your skinny and your hair falls out, and you become so damn out of touch with reality and loved ones especially my husband. I guess what I?m trying to say is im both black and white maybe even grey. God does that make since.

Firstly, it can?t blame my husband for my relapse although he does tend to have some possessiveness in him and that?s what makes me think that this is the only thing I have in my life that I can control. But to I do take the blame its like its my ?control? I have become so dang pre occupied with the way people and I think about myself. In In 2006 I never realizing the extent to which these obsessions have be driven so rapidly.


With my anorexia I deny that anything is wrong when my husband talks about it to other doctors and I know he maybe concerned. And everyday I will deny that I need to eat. So then I go eat until I feel hypoglycemic. This relapse is like losing your way to a healthier you. I have good days and not-so-good days and maybe even some terrible days. Despite my best intentions in recovery I have "slips" where I fall back into disordered eating habits. And a variety of situations trigger a slip.

I?m so scared of going way down to this number back in 2006 that I might disappoint my family and especially my husband but he?s very caring and understanding and would do anything for me..

 

[forgetmenot]

I am sorry your feeling so low TLC i hope you can get some support for these feelings from your doctor. I know how hard it is to eat when your depressed but it is the only thing that will help keep your mind healthy.. Take care TLC mary

 

[Jazzey]

With my anorexia I deny that anything is wrong when my husband talks about it to other doctors and I know he maybe concerned. And everyday I will deny that I need to eat. So then I go eat until I feel hypoglycemic. This relapse is like losing your way to a healthier you. I have good days and not-so-good days and maybe even some terrible days. Despite my best intentions in recovery I have "slips" where I fall back into disordered eating habits. And a variety of situations trigger a slip.

I know that it can be discouraging at time TLC. Just remember that recovery from anorexia is a process. You will have slips - as long as you get back on track, you need to be ok with those slips every once in a while. Just don't give up the fight.

You're doing all the right things; continuing therapy with your psychiatrist, discussing everything with her and trying to keep on the healthier track. This truly his half the battle...Just don't give up that path - you're doing a good job :hug: :hug:

 

[junem54]

Sorry you are having so much trouble. I know all about slips back into one's unhealthy obsessions. I have had a relapse into my alcoholism. I am refusing to play the blame game because I have just struggled my way out of a year long deep depression and I am not willing to go back to that. You and I have already surmounted the most difficult part of a slip. We are not in denial. Now we can work on getting back on track. I know it is not easy work but be assured you are not alone. Be good to yourself during this difficult time and reward yourself for all the little triumphs as you work your way back to health even if it is a nice bubble bath or something of that nature. Now it is time for me to take my own advice. May we both have a rapid return to recovery.

 

[HBas]

Hey TLC,

Just a small note in support to you - I hope that you are feeling positive and strong ... it is not easy to overcome and you have been there ... Please be strong for yourself (before anyone else) and remember that you ARE WORTH BEING WELL!

HB

 

[Thelostchild]

Im not feeling positive right now I ate a hamburger and now im sooo feel guilty, sick, fat. But I keep asking myself why? why should I feel this way? Every time I get to this point I get anxiety and Its weird because I just realized this.

 

[HBas]

Hey TLC,

I have been where you are and all I can do is agree with junem54 ... we all need something to reward ourselves with and seeing that we are all so different (yet alike) we all need something else! Find what you need and spoil yourself with it and spoil yourself with your treatment and keep up the great work! YOU WANT TO and there is nothing that can take that away from you ... Being strong for yourself so you can be strong for those you love is a reward all in it's own. I am thinking of you and sure you will find the best way to deal with the anxiety because you know what YOU need to be well - never forget that nutrition is a big part of that!

HB

 

[Thelostchild]

OMGmg: I found my self having another anxiety attack, I was panicky, crying, full of mindless energy, I don't know what triggered it. All I did was eat five piece of deli meat and a pickel, weighed my self and while geating ready to take a bath I looked at myself in the mirror. I don't know if im just scared of loosing all the weigh that I have and furthering my relapse or im scared of gainning? I ate because I was hungery there should be no crime in that right. Im frusturated. I took a Klonopin to calm my self and called or paged my Psych doc. now Im waiting...