I'm the toxic one in the relationship

[Thelostchild]

I often wonder if I'm the toxic one in our relationship? It was just a thought.

Anyway my husband and I had a argument last night. And all I did was simple tell him calmly, that I didn't like some of the things that happened and or did happen, I didn't like him drinking everyday after work while he's in the heat working at home doing chores, and he went out drinking while ridding a horse, always waking me up at night, and the hole sex thing well it hasn't been an issue but when I tell him to get off of me he wont he just keeps trying hope you know what I mean by that. And he raised his voice at me and got all defensive and it scared me and Ill cry over anything because I'm a sensitive person but I didn't let him see that it hurt me. later on I told him he needs to do what makes him happy then so be it. I can't make him stop like he can't make me stop cutting myself. He has to do what makes him happy. He can't always make me happy. I don't expect him. All I'm doing is watching out for his health.

 

[ThatLady]

Re: Im the toxic one in the relationship

The way I see it, TLC, if one member of a relationship is abusing alcohol and refusing to consider the other partner's needs (as in your request that he leave you alone and his insistance on continuing to pursue HIS needs), that member is the toxic one. That isn't to say that each member doesn't have his/her problems, nor that the other partner isn't wrong sometimes. However, alcohol abuse and failure to consider a partner's needs and desires is always toxic. Always.

 

[Halo]

Re: Im the toxic one in the relationship

Wow TL ...you are really coming up with great ones today!! I have to stop trying to post after you because it will not sound as good.

Anyway TLC I just wanted to say that I thought that it was good thing that you tried to talk to him a calm manner and not to say what his problems were/are and that you stated what you needed from him in the relationship and that he has to do what makes him happy...Good Job...that is a huge accomplishment in itself.

As for being the toxic one in the relationship, I truly don't know about that as to be honest I am not nor have I ever been in a long-term relationship but I can say that I have to agree that what TL said probably sounds like good stuff.

Again, give yourself a pat on the back for taking the necessary steps in having a difficult conversation with him. You should be proud of yourself like I am.

Take Care

 

[Thelostchild]

Re: Im the toxic one in the relationship

Thank you everybody. You all are so great and im happy to have you here to be so supportive. Thank you.

 

[Halo]

Re: Im the toxic one in the relationship

TLC we are also happy to have you with us

 

[foghlaim]

TLC: I have been reading your post over and over and while agree with most of the other here, it was good to tak to him in a calm manner and point out what you needed fromthe relationship.
You also said you can't stop him from doing what he wants. and that's tru when it comes to him drinking or whatever.
but one of your sentences really stuck in my mind.. and i hope i'm not out of line here, but you said

when I tell him to get off of me he wont he just keeps trying hope you know what I mean by that.

that i'm afraid can't go on. he has to respect your wishes in this respect. I hope this is one of the topics you brought up during your conversation with him.

I don't believe for a min that you are the toxic one in this relationship.. as TL said maybe ye both have problem that need working on but from where i see things you are no the toxic one.

wishing you all the best ok.

nsa

 

[ThatLady]

We're all glad to have you here with us, TLC. That's why we're all here...to support one another during the times when things are difficult, and to congratulate each other when our efforts to improve meet with success, in whatever degree. You give as much support as you get, so don't forget to thank yourself!