In a rut

[Angie611]

Hi everyone, I really am in a rut.

I don't know if I'm depressed, but it seems likely.

I know what it is though and I don't know how to get out of this. I'm angry today because at my job (I work at a college), I process loans. The boss had a meeting this morning and left, well a few minutes later a bank rep came in (to talk about loans), well, the assistant director came out of her office and said "I'll be meeting with you."

I'm angry that my boss did that to me, we've even talked about it. But, from his side I can almost understand. Everyone here (at work) knows that I don't want to be here. I used to like my job, but now all I can think about is getting out into the psych field. I hate coming here and my work has deteriorated. I spend my days on this and other forums, and checking my emails, reading posts from other self-help groups I am involved with. I just barely get my work done, and don't really care if I don't. (Well, I feel a little guilty).

How do I get out of this rut at work?
I would love to get another job, but, the problem is, the college I work at is paying for my schooling 100%. If I would quit or lose my job, I couldn't afford to go to school.

Reality is a bitch, I will have to be here for at least another 8-10 years. I don't know what to do.

Help?

 

[ThatLady]

I guess this is one of those things that falls under the umbrella of responsibilities. None of us like them, but all of us have them. It's not much fun to feel that one "must" do something one isn't fond of doing. However, if the college is paying for your education in return for your efforts in the loan processing area, you made a committment when you accepted the free tuition. This puts your job under the area of a responsibility. It's something you have to do to get where you're going.

Responsibilities, in my experience, are best handled by keeping your eye on your future goal and realizing that the current situation (the job) is useful in working toward that goal (the end result). They still aren't much fun but, at least, you know there's a reason for them and that the reason is worth the temporary discomfort. )

 

[Angie611]

I know that what you said is right. I just don't know how to snap out of this. I'm just feeling very discouraged right now.

I also feel like my boss has no faith in me.

So be it, I guess.

I suppose I should just be happy that I'm fortunate to be in the situation that I'm in, I'm going to college for free. It's just that I'm 32 years old and think quite often, "why did I wait this long?", but there's nothing I can do to change the situation I'm in, well, there is but I don't want to have to struggle to get through college and have a mountain of debt later.

I'll just keep on keepin' on....

Thanks for the reply.

 

[ThatLady]

It might be that your boss would have more faith in you if you could manage to change your attitude toward the job just a bit. I'm not saying you've gotta like it. Personally, I'd like to be a mattress tester, but....ah, well. ;o)

Seriously, if you can adopt a more constructive attitude toward what you're doing, concentrate on the job at hand, and strive to do the very best job you are capable of doing, it's my guess you're boss's attitude toward you will improve in direct proportion to your efforts. Just look at it as a step toward what you're striving to obtain.

 

[exhausted]

Perhaps you could think of something OUTSIDE of work to make your days more bearable!
Is there something you enjoy doing after work or on the weekends? Perhaps you should do more of it.
For example, if you like lap swimming, or a good movie from block bluster, or reading a good book at a local coffee shop... it could help you get through the day knowing that when work gets out you could reward yourself by doing something you really like doing. Creating a happy life outside of work might help you get through the day.
Making your life outside of work the more important and interesting part of your day might help....
Hey, just an idea, I am probably not one to post help right now since I too am deeply depressed. I know you are probably incredibly busy with college and work. BUT YOU HAVE HOPE FOR THE FUTURE. If you have 8-10 years of college left then you must be young and YOUTH next too HOPE is a great asset!
Hang in there, no lectures about responsibilities from me. I mean I completely understand them, but anything that helps one through them is worth mentioning.
SusieQ

 

[Angie611]

I actually have been doing better. I've been trying to stay on top of things and have been getting a lot done at work. I thought a lot about that responsibility thing, it's something I'm trying to work on with my son also, so I need to model the behavior myself, even if he doesn't see it.

I was feeling pretty overwhelmed for a while and I have a schedule I set up for myself and have been following it at home for the last few days. I work on homework stuff for an hour a night, dance for an hour, and work on teaching myself algebra for half an hour.

I'm also feeling a little better because my boyfriend and I met with our new therapist last night and I really felt comfortable. I think I'll really like her, which is a big worry off my mind. She and we just kind of jumped right in. I actually think she's going to be great.

I guess I'm feeling more hopeful today and I think Exhausted is right, a lot of my problems stem from not really being that happy outside of work, at least I haven't been lately. I actually look forward to the end of the day because I know I'm going to go home and accomplish something, not just sit around and waste my time doing nothing, which is what I had been doing for quite sometime. I'm really getting a lot done, which is going to enable me to enjoy my weekends a little more, I won't have so much schoolwork to do.

Thanks for all of the suggestions!

 

[ThatLady]

That's great news, Angie! Keep up the good work, hon. It will pay off. )