Indulging?

[^^Phoenix^^]

Ive always wondered about having things handed to you on a plate. When I was in school and a pupil was given a car for thier birthday, I used to feel like spitting! Then on my 21st, my dad bought me a lap top for use at university. And I accepted this gift, (of course).
I didn't need the laptop, but now I don't know how i would organise my school year with out it!
My question is... when does it stop being spoiling your children? Should I have worked for the laptop?
Any responce what so ever will be welcome.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I think that depends on the "child", the circumstances, the history, etc., etc. In other words, I generally make such decisions in each situation according to that particular situation, rather than a general "rule" of parenting.

For things related to education, I don't consider that "spoiling" -- anything that encourages education is okay by me.

For non-essential items ("luxuries"?), my policy has usually been, where appropriate and feasible, to suggest that if the child can save up "half" (interpreted loosely so that it usually means "some" of the cost), then I'll contribute the balance.

Even a car could I suppose be considered essential in some circumstances but with something that expensive I'd expect the child to contribute what he or she was able to contribute...

I really don't worry a lot about "spoiling" a child. I think that has more to do with what values you live by and model to children than what things you give them...

that spell-checker I had here for a while was a real resource hog but sometimes I do miss it |

 

[Freezing_heart_of_fire]

Comming from a teen, I can tell you that no matter how much we whine, we don't really need a whole lot other than a way to get around. I don't have a car, most of my friend's and neighbors and I have a bike. I can go my 10 miles to get to work in one of those ways I mentioned and I can buy other things I want with the money I earn from my job. Parents seem to worry about their student's grades during the school year with a job, I actually have some friends who get paid as much from their parents as they would comming from a job since they quit during the school year. I think that is overboard, but I guess it works out for some people. Basically what I am saying is that once a kid is 15 or 16 or even old enough to baby sit, then there are ways for them to get the things that they want to have.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Yes. But I must admit that as a parent I also like giving my kids things they want, whether they "need" them or not... )

 

[Freezing_heart_of_fire]

Kid's don't mind gettings those things of course as well...but even from our perspective, we want to work for some things. Believe it or not, we like to feel the responsibility. Maybe we complain while we are out there doing things, and no doubt it's nice to get an easy ride from parents at times, but the sense of earning your own things and the reality of being able to work towards supporting yourself is better than getting a new car every couple of years. (For instance, I just bought a $2,600 instrument and pay monthlies, my parents are picking up two of my payments for my birthday, it cuts me a huge break and I'm greatful for it, but I still feel like I am buying my own future because it'll be something I use for years and years after I'm gone from home.)

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Kid's don't mind gettings those things of course as well...but even from our perspective, we want to work for some things. Believe it or not, we like to feel the responsibility. Maybe we complain while we are out there doing things, and no doubt it's nice to get an easy ride from parents at times, but the sense of earning your own things and the reality of being able to work towards supporting yourself is better than getting a new car every couple of years.

Oh, I agree with you absolutely, Freezing. There is something very special about having something you've worked a while for and dreamed a while about, and knowing that you earned it all yourself.