Intimacy

[Eye Stigmata]

Intimacy is a four syllable word for "Here are my heart and soul - please grind them into hamburger and enjoy".

He said Hi . I said Hi
He talked. I talked
We went for dinner...to movies...shopping...to bed.
Where the intellectual part of the relationship went?....who knows. Everything can be going fine, then you sleep together...then again...and again...and again...forget 'dating'....your only '****ing'.
I told myself I would never get attatched to a 'no strings' person... I didn't think I was capable of feeling anything intimate after being raped.
I was wrong.
And so...that's it... used and abused in a different way. Not forced, but persuaded. Not strangled, but controlled. Not cut and brusied, but broken hearted.
When will I ever learn?
I feel like I have this permanent sticker on my head that says 'take advantage of me please...because im not worth anything better"
It's my own fault for letting it get to where it did.....but who can turn down such kind loving words, massages and pampering.....it's a game, and that's all it will ever be.

 

[Lana]

I don't know how to say this gently but when you say

And so...that's it... used and abused in a different way. Not forced, but persuaded. Not strangled, but controlled. Not cut and brusied, but broken hearted. When will I ever learn? I feel like I have this permanent sticker on my head that says 'take advantage of me please...because im not worth anything better"

you effectively set yourself up as a victim, a persuasive, out of control, broken, worth nothing better person. That is what you communicate when you let (yes, "let") others do this to you.

Having self value, self regard, self control means saying no when you think things are off. It means putting off gratification until you have enough evidence that this is leading to where you wish to be, not where he wants to be (in your pants). When you can learn to control your needs, value them and yourself, and respect those attributes about youself (not loathe them) you will be more able to see a player and protect your most prized investment -- your self, your mind, your body, and your well being.

 

[Cat Dancer]

You might check out the Self Esteem forum:

Self-Esteem and Self-Concept - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

 

[Daniel E.]

Another concept that relates to Lana's post is the importance of developing an internal locus of control (as opposed to an external locus of control):

Those who believe they are largely in charge of their lives have an "internal" locus of control, while those who feel they are not have an "external" locus.

Self-confident children may be healthier as adults - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum

Optimism, self-esteem, and perceived control over one’s life are among the traits that mark happy experiences and happy lives. Happy people typically report feeling an “internal locus of control”—they feel empowered.

Why we are not happy - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Support Forum