David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Invisible Disabilities
by Carol Roach
December 22, 2008
Generally speaking the world we live in has a low tolerance for people with disabilities. We are often slower, we don?t walk fast, we don?t talk fast, or think fast, we require help and lots of it, and able-bodied people have their own lives to contend with very little time for the feeble. Now don?t get me wrong there are many people who do help the disabled and thank God for them, but there are many more who get very impatience with us.
When I was in better health I often witnessed people yelling at an older person screaming, ?I told you that already why don?t you listen.?
Hey, if the person is disabled or just plain elderly their hearing and their cognitive abilities such as memory begin to falter. My own son gets short with me because I cannot remember things like I used to. He will get angry and say, ?I already told you this before I am not telling you again, or you just asked me that not long ago, leave me alone.?
Now, I do not want a lecture on how I should tell him to be more respectful, or kick him out or stick up for my rights, this article is not about that and before you say any of these things you do not know the full circumstances so please do not respond in this fashion.
Respond by reading this article and understanding the main points. Socrates said, ?you never understand a man unless you walk in his shoes,? and that is the mantra of the counseling profession that I trained for. We were taught to be empathetic, at least some of us were the rest were already empathetic like myself and that is why I went into that field in the first place.
The trouble is that most people cannot or choose not to understand. They don?t have disabilities so they cannot understand a person who does. I have heard people shouting at older people in malls, ?move out the way, old man, you are blocking my way,? because they could not get to where they were going fast enough.
I have heard grown children yelling at a parent in a public place and berating them, treating them like children saying things like, ?didn?t I tell you to go to the bathroom before we left the house, or where are your gloves did you lose them again, I am tried of buying you new gloves, you have to start being more careful of where you put them.?
I look at their faces and see the despair, the degradation, the sheer hopelessness and I want to cry. People with disabilities are treated as a burden. We are treated as if we are useless and it okay to verbally abuse us because we deserve it, didn?t we go and lose our bus pass, or gloves or wallet yet again?
Two things promoted me to write this article today. The first thing was that I had just read an article where the writer blatantly expressed her distain for people with disabilities, she felt we were all out for a free ride, always wanting something from the government. She had to go out and work so why couldn?t we? Here clearly is a case where she needed to feel what we feel to understand. She firmly believed that people claiming to have disabilities were just too lazy to work and wanted an excuse for the government to pay them and she who worked so hard had to pay taxes to pay the pensions those lazy buggers. I didn?t bother to respond to that article, it is useless; when someone has an attitude like that it is rare that they will ever change it.
Now I know that someone is about to respond to me and say ?well I know people who don?t even have a disability and fake one so they can get a pension, look at me I have been working all my life and nobody gives me a break.?
Yes you know someone and I do and your neighbour does too, but these people are not the majority of people who have disabilities. Please stick to the point my article is about people who do have disabilities, I underlined it so you know what this article is about. People who cheat the system is a different topic altogether, a valid concern mind you but a different topic entirely.
Cheating is cheating, whether you cheat on an exam, your spouse, lie to get that job you always wanted, call in sick when you are not because you didn?t feel like going to work that day, take a handful of free coupons at a mall when it clearly said one to a customer, lie on your taxes, whatever, cheating is cheating and this is not the focus of this paper.
This paper is about people with disabilities who do not cheat. Most people with disabilities such as myself wish we were able bodied and could go out and work again. I sure the heck would make more money and be able to pay my rent with out struggling all the time. We don?t enjoy being sick. It is not fun, we aren?t laughing all the way to the bank, we are crawling there in pain if we can get out of the house and walk that is.
Now, another group of people will say, ?I know several people that claim they have disabilities and I don?t see a damn thing wrong with them.?
Disabilities are not always visible, sure everyone knows that blindness is a disability, or someone in a wheel chair and cannot walk has one, but we don?t always see the disabilities. When this happens, the person who is said to have the disability has an invisible disability.
This misunderstanding occurs because some people think disabilities are only the physical attributes that we see. Not always being able to physically see a disability is the second point that brought me to write this article today.
There are many caring people who get upset when able bodied people steal parking spots for the handicapped and rightfully so. Again stealing handicapped parking spaces is a product of an uncaring society. Walking to public places such as malls and hospitals can be dangerous for a disabled person especially in the winter when there is black ice. Many disabled people have already fallen during any season of the year and have broken bones, suffered a conscious or worse.
It may not be a good idea to go over and fight with that able-bodied person who stole the parking spot though, because we don?t see disabilities does not mean that they are not there. Maybe not all these parking thieves are actual thieves. People suffering with fibromyalgia such as myself have aches and pains that no one sees and few people understand unless they have a family member, or suffer from it themselves. I also have osteoarthritis in my back while my friend has back injuries due to a car accident she had. Both of us would be entitled to a handicapped parking space, but because we don?t use a wheel chair or are on crutches or use any walking aid per se, only the most trained eye would be able to tell by the quality of our walking that we were disabled.
The hearing impaired, another group of people with an invisible disability are often considered rude for not responding if someone spoke to them, yet if they are not able to read the lips of the person directly in front of them or the person does not know sign language to be able to communicate with them, hearing impaired individuals who are deaf will not hear or in some cases even become aware that some one is speaking to them.
Small print on labels is hard enough to see when you are looking with a pair of healthy eyes, imagine if you were visually impaired from birth? There would be many things that you would not see clearly if at all, yet you may not be completely blind and you may not look any different from anyone else.
In conclusion I am saying do not assume that a person is lazy, or lying when they say they have a disability just because you do not see, and please try to be understanding and patient with us, you never know when one day you too may end up with a disability and will need the help of others to get by.
by Carol Roach
December 22, 2008
Generally speaking the world we live in has a low tolerance for people with disabilities. We are often slower, we don?t walk fast, we don?t talk fast, or think fast, we require help and lots of it, and able-bodied people have their own lives to contend with very little time for the feeble. Now don?t get me wrong there are many people who do help the disabled and thank God for them, but there are many more who get very impatience with us.
When I was in better health I often witnessed people yelling at an older person screaming, ?I told you that already why don?t you listen.?
Hey, if the person is disabled or just plain elderly their hearing and their cognitive abilities such as memory begin to falter. My own son gets short with me because I cannot remember things like I used to. He will get angry and say, ?I already told you this before I am not telling you again, or you just asked me that not long ago, leave me alone.?
Now, I do not want a lecture on how I should tell him to be more respectful, or kick him out or stick up for my rights, this article is not about that and before you say any of these things you do not know the full circumstances so please do not respond in this fashion.
Respond by reading this article and understanding the main points. Socrates said, ?you never understand a man unless you walk in his shoes,? and that is the mantra of the counseling profession that I trained for. We were taught to be empathetic, at least some of us were the rest were already empathetic like myself and that is why I went into that field in the first place.
The trouble is that most people cannot or choose not to understand. They don?t have disabilities so they cannot understand a person who does. I have heard people shouting at older people in malls, ?move out the way, old man, you are blocking my way,? because they could not get to where they were going fast enough.
I have heard grown children yelling at a parent in a public place and berating them, treating them like children saying things like, ?didn?t I tell you to go to the bathroom before we left the house, or where are your gloves did you lose them again, I am tried of buying you new gloves, you have to start being more careful of where you put them.?
I look at their faces and see the despair, the degradation, the sheer hopelessness and I want to cry. People with disabilities are treated as a burden. We are treated as if we are useless and it okay to verbally abuse us because we deserve it, didn?t we go and lose our bus pass, or gloves or wallet yet again?
Two things promoted me to write this article today. The first thing was that I had just read an article where the writer blatantly expressed her distain for people with disabilities, she felt we were all out for a free ride, always wanting something from the government. She had to go out and work so why couldn?t we? Here clearly is a case where she needed to feel what we feel to understand. She firmly believed that people claiming to have disabilities were just too lazy to work and wanted an excuse for the government to pay them and she who worked so hard had to pay taxes to pay the pensions those lazy buggers. I didn?t bother to respond to that article, it is useless; when someone has an attitude like that it is rare that they will ever change it.
Now I know that someone is about to respond to me and say ?well I know people who don?t even have a disability and fake one so they can get a pension, look at me I have been working all my life and nobody gives me a break.?
Yes you know someone and I do and your neighbour does too, but these people are not the majority of people who have disabilities. Please stick to the point my article is about people who do have disabilities, I underlined it so you know what this article is about. People who cheat the system is a different topic altogether, a valid concern mind you but a different topic entirely.
Cheating is cheating, whether you cheat on an exam, your spouse, lie to get that job you always wanted, call in sick when you are not because you didn?t feel like going to work that day, take a handful of free coupons at a mall when it clearly said one to a customer, lie on your taxes, whatever, cheating is cheating and this is not the focus of this paper.
This paper is about people with disabilities who do not cheat. Most people with disabilities such as myself wish we were able bodied and could go out and work again. I sure the heck would make more money and be able to pay my rent with out struggling all the time. We don?t enjoy being sick. It is not fun, we aren?t laughing all the way to the bank, we are crawling there in pain if we can get out of the house and walk that is.
Now, another group of people will say, ?I know several people that claim they have disabilities and I don?t see a damn thing wrong with them.?
Disabilities are not always visible, sure everyone knows that blindness is a disability, or someone in a wheel chair and cannot walk has one, but we don?t always see the disabilities. When this happens, the person who is said to have the disability has an invisible disability.
This misunderstanding occurs because some people think disabilities are only the physical attributes that we see. Not always being able to physically see a disability is the second point that brought me to write this article today.
There are many caring people who get upset when able bodied people steal parking spots for the handicapped and rightfully so. Again stealing handicapped parking spaces is a product of an uncaring society. Walking to public places such as malls and hospitals can be dangerous for a disabled person especially in the winter when there is black ice. Many disabled people have already fallen during any season of the year and have broken bones, suffered a conscious or worse.
It may not be a good idea to go over and fight with that able-bodied person who stole the parking spot though, because we don?t see disabilities does not mean that they are not there. Maybe not all these parking thieves are actual thieves. People suffering with fibromyalgia such as myself have aches and pains that no one sees and few people understand unless they have a family member, or suffer from it themselves. I also have osteoarthritis in my back while my friend has back injuries due to a car accident she had. Both of us would be entitled to a handicapped parking space, but because we don?t use a wheel chair or are on crutches or use any walking aid per se, only the most trained eye would be able to tell by the quality of our walking that we were disabled.
The hearing impaired, another group of people with an invisible disability are often considered rude for not responding if someone spoke to them, yet if they are not able to read the lips of the person directly in front of them or the person does not know sign language to be able to communicate with them, hearing impaired individuals who are deaf will not hear or in some cases even become aware that some one is speaking to them.
Small print on labels is hard enough to see when you are looking with a pair of healthy eyes, imagine if you were visually impaired from birth? There would be many things that you would not see clearly if at all, yet you may not be completely blind and you may not look any different from anyone else.
In conclusion I am saying do not assume that a person is lazy, or lying when they say they have a disability just because you do not see, and please try to be understanding and patient with us, you never know when one day you too may end up with a disability and will need the help of others to get by.
