LittleVoice
Account Closed
My boyfriend split up with me a month ago, he maintains that he still loves me and we have talked regularly since. I am not planning on any reconciliation but care about him deeply and am maintaining a friendship with him.
I have been trying to get closure on some of the issues in the relationship. During a long conversation last night we were talking about the suppression of some of his feelings as I felt that perhaps I hadn’t encouraged him enough. We had talked about this quite a few times since splitting up as he said that was part of the reason for the split.
After talking about him feeling disconnected with people he then admitted to me that he thinks he is a sociopath.I didn’t really know what this meant and googled it. I am so confused now. He has ensured me that he felt strong love for me, that he felt sparks in his head, that it made him change his behaviour, that he would sacrifice his safety etc for me, how much he would hate seeing me upset, he felt protective over me, feel guilty if I was upset with him for any reason, he would spend hours talking through things with me if I had things in my life that were up setting me, he had so much patience, never demanding, always gentle, he said he was insecure but never really showed it, he was attentive, would care for me and be nurturing when I was sick and seemed entirely selfless, loyal loving. - almost to the point where he was a doormat. We were very frank in our discussions and I believe that he did not cheat on me or deceive me at any point and he reiterated that he couldn’t due to the amount he cared for me. I don’t think this is me being na?ve, I spent 2 years with him and have been a friend for a year before that, have seen him when he was tired ill etc and never saw him falter once. I only saw him angry a couple of times briefly. He had tremendous self control and I think a lot of him. He seemed to genuinely want to be with me and on the phone last night he said he involuntary smiled when I was talking about the fact that he said he wanted children with me. He said that must mean that he meant it.
From what I have read on the internet, our relationship does not seem to fit with the sorts of relationships that sociopaths have. I think since he has diagnosed himself he has felt everything is a self fulfilling prophecy and he just gives up on things, including me. When describing what he meant he said that he can feel the big stuff like love and to certain extent fear but doesn’t grieve if someone dies, he said he thinks he could kill someone without remorse, that he cares about his family but doesn’t think he loves them, He will deceive people and not feel bad.He says that he trusts me more than anyone and can’t believe that he told me those things. He says he thinks he manages it because both of his parents are psychologists so he has a great awareness of concepts due to discussions with them throughout growing up and also he feels that his IQ (I think it’s 148 or something) enables to perhaps make him able to manage it in a certain way that allows him to manage it. He has a terribly sad and traumatic passed of bullying throughout school for around 12 years- it was sustained physical and mental abuse. His mother took him out of one school only for the same to happen in the next, He internalised and never told his family the extent of the suffering and abuse. During his teens everything came out as violence and crime etc with getting into a gang , but never got caught for anything. He says he has learnt to say things through the patterns of speech etc on TV. His future plans involve living in a caste and living forever.I asked him if he grieved for me and he said he missed me a great deal. He only has ever cried at TV. He says his greatest (over grandparents etc) loss was a cat he had He does seem to regret these years and who he was back then. He doesn’t realise when he is depressed, he says that he just sort of comes around a few weeks later unkempt and then realises he must be depressed. He isolates himself very easily.He says when he was depressed 3 years ago he saw a therapist who wanted to do a personality disorder test on him but he refused and he said that he had otherwise it would be ‘on his record’When he told me about the extent of his trauma when we first started going out I put him in touch with a therapist, he told her a lot about the bullying she got a hypnotherapist in, he let a lot of anger out, but he says now he didn’t tell her everything. I am angry at his parents for not noticing and helping when he was younger. He really wrestles with all this, he has such an awful life I feel he deserves to be happy.
Do you think he is a sociopath? Is it really true that he will never change? Will he never be able to settle down with someone? Are people ever happy that are this way? Should I continue to stick by him? I would like to. He is only 22, isn't there scope for growing up generally?
I have been trying to get closure on some of the issues in the relationship. During a long conversation last night we were talking about the suppression of some of his feelings as I felt that perhaps I hadn’t encouraged him enough. We had talked about this quite a few times since splitting up as he said that was part of the reason for the split.
After talking about him feeling disconnected with people he then admitted to me that he thinks he is a sociopath.I didn’t really know what this meant and googled it. I am so confused now. He has ensured me that he felt strong love for me, that he felt sparks in his head, that it made him change his behaviour, that he would sacrifice his safety etc for me, how much he would hate seeing me upset, he felt protective over me, feel guilty if I was upset with him for any reason, he would spend hours talking through things with me if I had things in my life that were up setting me, he had so much patience, never demanding, always gentle, he said he was insecure but never really showed it, he was attentive, would care for me and be nurturing when I was sick and seemed entirely selfless, loyal loving. - almost to the point where he was a doormat. We were very frank in our discussions and I believe that he did not cheat on me or deceive me at any point and he reiterated that he couldn’t due to the amount he cared for me. I don’t think this is me being na?ve, I spent 2 years with him and have been a friend for a year before that, have seen him when he was tired ill etc and never saw him falter once. I only saw him angry a couple of times briefly. He had tremendous self control and I think a lot of him. He seemed to genuinely want to be with me and on the phone last night he said he involuntary smiled when I was talking about the fact that he said he wanted children with me. He said that must mean that he meant it.
From what I have read on the internet, our relationship does not seem to fit with the sorts of relationships that sociopaths have. I think since he has diagnosed himself he has felt everything is a self fulfilling prophecy and he just gives up on things, including me. When describing what he meant he said that he can feel the big stuff like love and to certain extent fear but doesn’t grieve if someone dies, he said he thinks he could kill someone without remorse, that he cares about his family but doesn’t think he loves them, He will deceive people and not feel bad.He says that he trusts me more than anyone and can’t believe that he told me those things. He says he thinks he manages it because both of his parents are psychologists so he has a great awareness of concepts due to discussions with them throughout growing up and also he feels that his IQ (I think it’s 148 or something) enables to perhaps make him able to manage it in a certain way that allows him to manage it. He has a terribly sad and traumatic passed of bullying throughout school for around 12 years- it was sustained physical and mental abuse. His mother took him out of one school only for the same to happen in the next, He internalised and never told his family the extent of the suffering and abuse. During his teens everything came out as violence and crime etc with getting into a gang , but never got caught for anything. He says he has learnt to say things through the patterns of speech etc on TV. His future plans involve living in a caste and living forever.I asked him if he grieved for me and he said he missed me a great deal. He only has ever cried at TV. He says his greatest (over grandparents etc) loss was a cat he had He does seem to regret these years and who he was back then. He doesn’t realise when he is depressed, he says that he just sort of comes around a few weeks later unkempt and then realises he must be depressed. He isolates himself very easily.He says when he was depressed 3 years ago he saw a therapist who wanted to do a personality disorder test on him but he refused and he said that he had otherwise it would be ‘on his record’When he told me about the extent of his trauma when we first started going out I put him in touch with a therapist, he told her a lot about the bullying she got a hypnotherapist in, he let a lot of anger out, but he says now he didn’t tell her everything. I am angry at his parents for not noticing and helping when he was younger. He really wrestles with all this, he has such an awful life I feel he deserves to be happy.
Do you think he is a sociopath? Is it really true that he will never change? Will he never be able to settle down with someone? Are people ever happy that are this way? Should I continue to stick by him? I would like to. He is only 22, isn't there scope for growing up generally?
