Is it time for me to go?

[Banned]

Nobody understands me, and I'm tired of hurting so much. I just want to go. I have it all figured out and I have everything I'll need. I'll miss my dogs, alot, but they'll be well looked after.

I hate hurting this much, and every time I think things are getting better, they just get worse. I'm just not cut out for this world. I'm really not. I tried...I really did...but I want to go.

 

[why]

No it isn't time for you to go :hug::hug: I know the pain is bad. So bad, but I know you have pulled through this before, right?
:hug:

 

[Banned]

Thanks, why. I have pulled through this before, yes. But...I'm tired of constantly fighting it. I just want to go...

 

[why]

I know exactly what you mean. I have told people myself, that I'm just tired. Soul tired. And I know it's awful, it really is. Just for now fight through one more day. Each day at a time. It doesn't seem so hard that way. I hear you.:hug:

 

[Banned]

Thanks why. I'm tired of doing the "one day at a time" thing. How long am I supposed to keep doing that for? I have no purpose anymore. I just don't see the point...the people that I think should care, don't.

 

[NicNak]

Hi Turtle, I agree with Why. I feel for you, I know that gut wrenching pain, where I feel like enough is enough.

I hold onto the small things that I find happyness in, like my cat, my Cory's now, watching the sunset and the beautiful things I would miss out on if I were not here.

It is hard. I know it is. Just hold onto any hope you can find, anything at all.

Here are the Alberta crisis lines, do not hessitate to call them Information | Centre for Suicide Prevention

I attached something to, I hope it makes you smile.

One of the beautiful creatures of the world that I saw today when I was out with a friend.

 

[Banned]

Thanks NN.

The pictures are beautiful.

Every time I feel like this, I get closer to actually doing it. I don't know how long I can keep putting it off. I'm ready...I just want to go.

 

[why]

I know where you are coming from. It's wrong and it sucks (to say the least). Things will eventually get better though. It's hard to see that right now, I know. I do. But I also know things can't get better if your not here. Once you are gone, there is no hope for things to get better. You don't want to die, you just want things to be better right?

 

[Banned]

No. I really do want to die...

 

[Daniel E.]

If you have the Feeling Good book by Dr. Burns, the chapter on suicide is chapter 15 and is partially available online:

Feeling good: the new mood therapy - Google Books

 

[why]

I want to be able to tell you about my therapy session. I've read your posts, you always have such good advice. Caring suggestions. MANY people want you to stay here :hug::hug::hug:

 

[Banned]

Thanks Daniel. I don't have that one. I have his other one - The Feeling Good Handbook, which might come in handy, if I truly wanted to live. But I don't. I truly don't.

 

[Banned]

I can't stop crying. My stomach hurts, my neck hurts...it's just crappy. I really want to do this.

 

[NicNak]

Thanks Daniel. I don't have that one. I have his other one - The Feeling Good Handbook, which might come in handy, if I truly wanted to live. But I don't. I truly don't.

Turtle, is there anything that brought this on?

Or is it just that build up, but sudden, impulse of pain that happens?

Can you contact your therapist for maybe a cancellation for an appointment sooner?

 

[Banned]

There's lots that brought it on, but mainly , I'm just fed up. It's part that, and part the constant build up of pain that I'm constantly suppressing to try and have a normal life.

I only do online counselling. I don't have an in-person therapist so that's not possible. I don't even want therapy right now. Therapy implies I want to live but need help doing that. I don't want to live.

 

[Banned]

I don't want my mom to be the one to find me. It would kill her. Frick.

 

[why]

How long have you had your dogs? What breed are they?

 

[Banned]

They are Corgis. Jonah is two and Brody is four.

 

[why]

Both males? I love corgis How did you come to own them? I have four cats, otherwise I would love to get a dog.

 

[Banned]

Brody is actually a girl. I got them both from breeders - Brody from BC and Jonah from Washington.