Is she cheating?

[elDegas]

Recently, I've notice my girlfriend of 3 years is acting in a way that makes me suspect she's cheating. She's recently been into taking long drives, and prefers to go alone, saying it's her "me" time. Which is fine, just that one time she called me to see what i was doing, and she got lost. I told her where to go and she said, it's fine, "we'll" figure it out, and said she'd see me when she got home. I doubt I was part of that we since I wouldn't be with her to figure out where she was. She spends, on average, 1.5 hours after work, "chatting" with the guys at her job [works at an auto garage] and has gotten in two fights with her boss that left her really upset, which makes me think their relationship's more than just employer/employee. She never asks me to do anything anymore, however, and guy friend called her the other day and she asked him to go to coffee. Maybe she's not cheating but she's givin me reason to think so. She also snapped at me, that time she was driving because i asked her what she was doing that took her 2hours to get home, when she was 20 mins away....another sign.

Im lost on this, I need answers!

 

[Lana]

First, before you even think of confronting her, you have to figure out what you want and are willing to put up with. Once you have that, you'll know what you need to do.

 

[elDegas]

That's something im not sure of. She has good traits and many bad one's, like her temper. I understand what you're saying and I guess I'll need concrete proof first, becaseu without it, even if she's cheating, she make me the bad person. I'm 95% sure i'd be much happier single, but I want truth.

 

[foghlaim]

eldegas: if you are 95% sure you would be happier single.. why not look at your own actions (as well as hers) and try and figure out why you feel this way, when u started to feel this way etc. and like Lana says figure out what you want\need from this relationship.

She could (i don't know and you don't know) be just trying to sort out yere relationship by taking these "time outs" and could \ maybe embarrassed to talk to you or feels you are not the right person at this time to help her sort out what she wants.

Seems to me you have decided already that she is cheating and you want proof so that you will have no responsibility if ye part ways. ( i know your post says you haven't but i think maybe you have) maybe\hope i'm wrong.

i'm just throwing out my thoughts here and not trying to take anything away from how you feel.

 

[elDegas]

I appreciate your input. Looks like im at fault again. I think you're right. It's probably just me looking for excuses to leave her more easily. Although alot of the "tell tale" signs are present, just no proof, so untill I get proof, I'm just gonna remember it's probably my fault shes acting this way. She did however stopped showing interest in me before i stopped showing interest in her.

 

[foghlaim]

Looks like im at fault again

i'm sorry you took my post to mean you're at fault.. it wasn't meant in that way..

it takes two ppl to work at a relationship.. and when things aren't "right".. it might be time to look at your own feelings etc...
i'm not blaming you for anything... there is nothing to "blame you" for..

we all get doubts ect and posting them here helps us to see (sometimes) another way to look at a situation..

i was just trying to give you somethings to think about.. maybe i stepped over the line and i'm sorry.

 

[elDegas]

I wasn't taking you're advice as "the way it is". I've just thought about thios over and over, and with us, any relationship issue is my fault, and when i've thought about it as objective as possible, she's right. Just he approach to things is usually an offensive one that leaves me angered, since I feel things can easily be discussed rationally. I just have things to work out in my own head first. I appreciate everyone's time to post their thoughts. I'm really tired of having no sex life, and being the one at fault for that, when we both put no effort into it. Someday the light will come on.

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

El,
It sounds like this potential unfaithfulness is but one thing in a string of upsets that is getting to you right now. But before you do anything drastic, try to think if, how you feel about the situation is being influenced by how you feel about her, or vice versa. One thing you don't want to wake up to, is breaking up with her, only to find out that she is the love of your life. If you find anything there that you want to hold on to, then the next step is to talk to her about her feelings towards you, perhaps avoiding the topic of unfaithfulness due to its 'volcanic' topic content. And then when you have that information, you can make desiscions from there.

 

[Peanut]

One thing that I thought about after reading your posts, is I wondered if she weren't cheating, then would you be ok with her behaviors (i.e. talking on the phone to another guy for hours)? That might be something to consider before you talk to her. So then you could know if you needed to come from an "are you cheating?" angle or a "your behavior is making me uncomfortable and it is hurting my feelings" angle...or maybe both.

She could assure you that shes' not cheating, and then what? Would everything be alright or would you want her to change her behavior?