There is a woman that I work with that has, for the entire time she's been here, tried to take over my duties and then pass her duties off to me to do. I know it's not that she wants my present job... because she came back wanting her former job back (which was mine at the time) and so I got booted out and she returned to her former position. Yet she still follows this pattern, years after the matter has been settled and everyone's moved on. She tries to pass off HER duties to me to execute and then tries to step in and complete my duties I'm in the middle of completing. Does this sound like a personality disorder to you? Do any specific disorders jump out you as typically including this type of behavior described?
- Thread starter GCAJH
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You may be unknowingly enabling the behavior.
In any case, there is no way to know.
In any case, there is no way to know.
If she does or if she doesn't have a disorder, or if she merely is just a habitual thoughtless control freak... lol Don't put up with that crap. Perhaps you have an issue with not having enough assertiveness and are used to going along with things even though they cause you stress. This allows people to continue doing things to stress you out, because you are enabling them. Perhaps you need to find out what your rights as an employee in your position are so you feel empowered and confident about what you need to do next.
You could (and I would pick the first one, but then each suggestion after is something I would be less likely to do):
- speak with your manager and tell your manager what this fellow employee's behaviour is like and ask for him for advice on what to do (I have done this and my manager, for the most part, will deal with this employee himself, especially if he has heard from other people about the same person: typically he goes to the person's manager and tells him, who talks to the employee he manages)...
- speak to HR or union and ask them what your rights are in this situation. They will probably refer you to your manager, or will get someone to mediate the situation.
- as politely as possible ask her (in a closed room with a union member or other witness present): "Why do you take over a majority of my duties and then pass your own duties off for me to do for you? Is it because you don't know how to do your assigned duties that are in your job description? Perhaps you need more training? This is something you need to discuss with your manager. I need to do my own assigned duties in my own job description, as that is what I am getting paid for. Please stop doing my work. I do not wish to do your duties any longer. If you do not stop, I will need to talk to my manager about this." Never do this in a threatening manner, never say or email anything without a witness.
- continue to do passively do what she wants, feeling uncomfortable and unsure, feeling powerless because she is controlling you.
You could (and I would pick the first one, but then each suggestion after is something I would be less likely to do):
- speak with your manager and tell your manager what this fellow employee's behaviour is like and ask for him for advice on what to do (I have done this and my manager, for the most part, will deal with this employee himself, especially if he has heard from other people about the same person: typically he goes to the person's manager and tells him, who talks to the employee he manages)...
- speak to HR or union and ask them what your rights are in this situation. They will probably refer you to your manager, or will get someone to mediate the situation.
- as politely as possible ask her (in a closed room with a union member or other witness present): "Why do you take over a majority of my duties and then pass your own duties off for me to do for you? Is it because you don't know how to do your assigned duties that are in your job description? Perhaps you need more training? This is something you need to discuss with your manager. I need to do my own assigned duties in my own job description, as that is what I am getting paid for. Please stop doing my work. I do not wish to do your duties any longer. If you do not stop, I will need to talk to my manager about this." Never do this in a threatening manner, never say or email anything without a witness.
- continue to do passively do what she wants, feeling uncomfortable and unsure, feeling powerless because she is controlling you.
Well, I never said that I do what she wants. I don't; but she continues to try to switch our roles anyway... which leads me to believe she's got serious issues. There have been a few times when I did accidentally let what she was doing slide, not out of intimidation or passivity but moreso simply because I'm there to do my job, not study her... yet she's always got something up her sleeve and it gets exhausting after a while trying to keep a constant eye peeled on everything that she's doing and examining everything 'is this or is this not appropriate?' instead of simply performing the job I'm there to do, in all circumstances concerning her... especially when I don't want to give that idiot any thought or attention. I'm just curious, I know I'm not a professional and don't know everything about the woman so I couldn't truly diagnose her accurately, but I feel that understanding what disorder she more closely resembles might give me a more objective state of mind concerning her which would be helpful for me in my dealings with her, I think.
Often, a solution has relatively little to do with the underlying issues:
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-and-therapists/19641-solution-focused-techniques.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/therapy-and-therapists/19641-solution-focused-techniques.html
If you've given her mixed messages, I suggest being more clear about your boundaries. I would suggest if she still tries to do things that you're supposed to be doing and messing around with your zen, perhaps you could mention this to your manager. If she isn't going to listen to you putting down your clear thoughts and feelings, and doesn't back down, there isn't much else you can do except speak to the manager who will give her some coaching. If your manager doesn't listen, you can speak to your union steward.
Does it really matter if you don't know what the specific problem/name of whatever her issue is, when you can still do something about it anyway? There are lots and lots of different people, some who don't have disorders, who have issues with respecting people or their boundaries. Some people do it for attention, some people don't realize they do it, other people want to do such a good job that they are perfectionists, but it causes them to interfere instead of show how good they are. But if you continue to search for what the name of this thing is, that's not doing anything for yourself to stop the unwanted behaviours. If you think something isn't quite right with her, you could phrase it just like that when you are speaking to your manager. You don't know what it is, but something about her not respecting your boundaries and job description leads you to believe something isn't right. It's an opinion, and it never hurts to give an opinion (as long as it isn't to her face, as that will probably just lead to more conflict). If the manager talks to her, he could always suggest that she seek counseling services if she finds it difficult not to interfere with other people's work, because it might be supported through work benefits.
Just my opinion and I'm not a therapist. But I have dealt with difficult people at work before.
Does it really matter if you don't know what the specific problem/name of whatever her issue is, when you can still do something about it anyway? There are lots and lots of different people, some who don't have disorders, who have issues with respecting people or their boundaries. Some people do it for attention, some people don't realize they do it, other people want to do such a good job that they are perfectionists, but it causes them to interfere instead of show how good they are. But if you continue to search for what the name of this thing is, that's not doing anything for yourself to stop the unwanted behaviours. If you think something isn't quite right with her, you could phrase it just like that when you are speaking to your manager. You don't know what it is, but something about her not respecting your boundaries and job description leads you to believe something isn't right. It's an opinion, and it never hurts to give an opinion (as long as it isn't to her face, as that will probably just lead to more conflict). If the manager talks to her, he could always suggest that she seek counseling services if she finds it difficult not to interfere with other people's work, because it might be supported through work benefits.
Just my opinion and I'm not a therapist. But I have dealt with difficult people at work before.
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