Is this OCD?

[MollyK]

Can being obsessed with a person be classified as OCD?

I did not really have any mothering when I was growing up. My mother had mental health problems and physical problems and was often away for long periods in hospital and she died when I was 12. My father was violent and unpredictable.

As an adult, well from about the age of 13. I just seem to be obsessed and attached with any older female who is kind and caring, occasionally its males but usually women and its not remotely sexual - just needy and childlike. I obsess about them continually and fantacise that I am their child and they are holding me, almost continuously so I can scarcely think of anything else. I am always left devastated after these "relationships" because I am too clingy and it is unrealistic - I know I am not a child and they can never give me the love that I crave. Logically I know this but emotionally I cant seem to understand it. Consequently I end up suffering horrible feelings of being abandoned every time to the point where I dont want to live any more when these situations end - as they inevitably do

I am now in 40s and still get into this terrible clingy situation. I have grown up children and have a normal life in every respect, but the only relationships I seem to be able to have are ones where I am in control and caring for others or if I let anyone care for me then I feel like a very needy child. I am currently in one of these fixations and obsessions with someone at work.

I feel quite desparate, needy and depressed and would be very grateful for any advice/help

Many thanks

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't think that's OCD per se, Molly, although it clearly is obsessive behavior. It sounds like an attachment disorder, or an offshoot of an attachment disorder.

Have you ever sought counseling or psychotherapy for this?

 

[MollyK]

Hi David

Well its only fairly recently that I have been open about this, I suppose I was a bit embarassed to be so attached to someone in this way and I hid my feelings (something I do a lot) I first mentioned it on another forum and was inundated with replies where other people had a similar thing, that spurred me on to tell a psychotherapist (I am on a waiting list for psychodynamic therapy (although this is something I have reservations about as when I attempted it before it made me unbearably depressed so I gave it up). I did see a private therapist who uses a different approach, but although I told him about this, we havent really touched on it - just anxiety issues so far.

So no really! I have spoken about it but havent had any work about it. dont know if this need can ever be reached with therapy - its too consuming and powerful! I think the short of it is the need is irrational because its a child in an adult needing soothing and mothering and I know that therapy cant give me that and I cant loose the need either