Job Anxiety & Building Self-Confidence

[Tink]

As sad as this sounds I have not had a job in 3 yrs, I know it's pathetic, I feel so dumb when it comes to doing what "normal" people are supposed to do, have a job, car, pay bills, do simple everyday things.

I've moved out of my parent's house and moved in with my boyfriend almost a year ago... I am not working.

Every time I try to get the courage to go out and apply BAM instant anxiety.
I can plan what I'll do, plan what I'll say to show that I would be a good employee, when it comes down to the actual interview, I blow it, or feel that I do.

To bide my time even though it doesn't pay I set up self help sites such as this to help people... so at least I know that I am doing something good, but being broke sucks, I have to pay bills, meds when the quarter comes around for my drug benefits... and it just sucks.

How do you get over that hump?
I've been trying for yrs, my psychiatrist has given me pointers etc, but I can't.

I'm stuck when it comes to that, that is where I am more anxious is the job area.
Maybe it's because I never had a job long enough... or because I was fired for some stupid reason... also with a job I loved even though it wasn't a lot of hours I loved it but quit due to sexual harassment.

It's like I was never meant to have a job career. It doesn't help that I have no education either.
That's another story.

I guess deal with low self esteem and low confidence doesn't help huh? :frown:

 

[ThatLady]

Tink, I don't think anybody goes to an interview for a new job without anxiety. Anxiety sorta goes with that territory. We all feel anxious when applying for a new job. We're putting ourselves out there for acceptance or rejection. It's just not an easy thing to do. Low self-esteem only makes it more difficult, so that's certainly an area where you might want to start working. As we've talked about in other areas of the forums, positive self-talk is a good place to start.

Have you looked into taking some classes at a local community college? You can often get financial aid if you haven't the income to afford to pay for an education, and community colleges are less expensive than the big, four-year universities. You'll have to take core courses first, no matter what your major might be, so it will give you a chance to get your feet wet, and the advisors there can help you to choose a path that might be fitting for you.

 

[Tink]

I've done ALLLLLL the positive self talk, the abdominal breathing .... all the coping methods that i've learned through my psychairist, books etc.

I just can't seem to bring myself to do it.

As far as school. No.... Wish I didn't have to say no like that but that's a definate sore spot for me, I'd have to get my GED etc... and right now that's the worse anxiety out of everything.

 

[ThatLady]

Most community colleges offer GED preparation classes as well, and they're often free. One thing's for sure, Tink. Unless you start to prepare yourself for the job market, it's going to be even more difficult for you to develop the confidence to go out there and get what you want. If nothing else, look into GED prep courses and see what's offered in your area.

 

[Tink]

The thing is though is that i'm not looking for a big career making all the money.
You know what I mean, i'd be happy stuck in retail as long as I was getting along with the co-workers, I don't even have to LOVE the job, but know that I do a good job at it... did that make sense?

I have looked into GED courses but some stuff was hard to find, then I tried looking online courses for GED but those are all in the States and I could find no thing here.

 

[Halo]

Tink

Saying that you would be "happy stuck in retail" doesn't really sound like you would be happy at all. When you are stuck somewhere it usually refers to being in an unhappy place. I guess maybe I just don't understand what you were trying to say. If you meant that you would be happy with having a job/career even if it was retail than I understand that.

Maybe it is my interpretation?

 

[Tink]

See the problem is retail is all I know.
I'm 26, have no really job expierence besides that.
Often people are telling me that I should become a therapist, that type of profession and help people since i'm already doing that, telling me how good i'd be.

But do you ever wonder what you're suppose to be doing? Am I supposed to be stuck at a small job like retail, don't get me wrong when i did it i enjoyed it quite abit.

I've also wanted to work with animals that need education, becoming a therapist etc alot of education.

But to be honest, the job that I want most then anything else... to be a mom.
Is that wrong? :blank:

 

[Into The Light]

tink there is nothing wrong with that at all. being a mother is my calling too. i have three beautiful children and nothing else in the world really matters to me. i've been working but it all became too much for me and my doctor took me off work. i am realizing i do not want to be away from them so much.

being a mom is very hard work but you get so much in return.

 

[Tink]

Thank you baseballcap.

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Tink,
Perhaps if you started with a volenteer possition. Associations like the samaritians always need people to be there on the telephone for others experiancing difficulties. Being involved in something like this won't help your financial situation, however it would give you experiance in helping others, as well as having something to offer employee's when you start to go for other interviews, aswell as building your confidence in such area's. It can also open doors to other possitions.

 

[Halo]

Great suggestion Phoenix !!

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Thanks Nancy!!
I decided to do it myself when I still lived in the U.K. Went to the meetings, found out about the association, however life takes funny twists and turns and I ended up in Canda before I could begin! :roll:

 

[Holly]

It is a wonderful idea Phoenix,
I know many jobs come from volunteering postions, great idea. Good luck Tink

 

[Halo]

Thanks Nancy!!
I decided to do it myself when I still lived in the U.K. Went to the meetings, found out about the association, however life takes funny twists and turns and I ended up in Canda before I could begin! :roll:

I know that you would have probably been really good at that volunteer job but I am much happier to have you in Canada with us

 

[ThatLady]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be a full-time mom. In fact, children benefit tremendously by having a mother who is with them and a part of their lives; especially, during the formative years. If this is what you want, and this is what makes you happy, this is the thing to do. Often, however, the monetary end of things makes it very difficult to do.

Some stay-at-home moms find part time jobs that can be done at home. Some volunteer in their leisure time to help prepare themselves for future jobs when the children no longer need them at home full time. Some go to school in their leisure hours for the same reason. There are many paths to take that allow you to stay with your children while developing plans for later life.

If your husband, or significant other, is able to support the family without your income, staying with the children is a definite, and well-chosen, choice.

 

[Tink]

I have thought about volunteer work, I guess just haven't had the guts to do it :red:.. anything job related even if it's volunteering somewhere causes me great anxiety.
Sometimes it's just hard to get over that initial hump.

 

[ThatLady]

Like I said, we all get anxious when applying for a new job, volunteer or otherwise. We just have to gird ourselves with all the courage we can muster and go out there and try. What's the worst that can happen? There's nothing there for you. Okay. That's no different than what you have now so you haven't lost anything and you've gained the knowledge that you CAN do it if you put your mind to it.

 

[Tink]

Yeah I knowI have to always tell myself "what's the worse that can happen."

"Well I'll feel uncomfortable, nervous, anxious even likely scared.."

"Ya well I've felt that way before, and once I'm doing it it goes away."


Say that alot- but when you're out of the loop for so long it's really hard to get into it again.

 

[Daniel E.]

...when you're out of the loop for so long it's really hard to get into it again.

At least in the US (and I'm sure other countries), there are employment agencies that specifically help people with mental and physical disorders. They help not only with job placement and skill building but also when problems arise on-the-job:

Until 2004, Harvey Cochran of Long Beach was serially unemployed. Cochran, 40, who suffers from bipolar disorder, understands why he was repeatedly fired. He showed up late. He forgot to show up at all. During bouts of depression, he often didn't leave his room.

Cochran now works at a movie theater as an usher and behind the concession stand 15 hours a week. His job counselor has helped him better manage his schedule, as well as his relationships with bosses and co-workers. He recently got a raise from $6.75 to $7.15 an hour; and he has saved $1,000 in the last year.

Employers are embracing the concept rather easily. The majority of clinics place individual clients with local businesses, but a number of larger companies also are signing on. Among them: Best Buy, Johnson & Johnson and Trader Joe's. All are hiring applicants with histories of mental illness as long as doctors say they are able to work.

http://theszaszblog.blogspot.com/2005/10/new-movement-advocating-employment-for.html

(Even in the small town I live in, there is such an employment agency, but most people only find out about it from word-of-mouth.)