Just thinking

[boi]

I was so close to smoking pot on Saturday. I was thinking of every excuse in the book in order to just take one hit. I didn't end up doing it, seeing I was worried that I would have to confess to my therapist and we have an agreement and I would have broken it. I wish I was at a stage where I dont want it anymore. It's so annoying, I am starting to think that quitting weed is harder than quitting heroin. Maybe because it is so available everywhere. Should I even tell my therapist about this cause I am worried I will be sent to some preventative program or something and that I am not doing.
Am I allowed to write about this here or is it a trigger?

thanks

 

[Halo]

Re: just thinking

Boi,

What you wrote here about wanting to smoke pot is fine and is not a trigger. I do think that talking to your therapist about it is a good idea. You didn't end up smoking so it shows the strength that you have to say no but does also give your therapist an indication that you still at times struggle with the temptation. It lets him/her know that this is still an area of concern for you.

Good job on not smoking, I know how difficult it is to say no :2thumbs:

 

[ladylore]

Re: just thinking

It's allowed Boi. The first thing anyone needs to do is to do exactly what you have done - tell someone that you want to use. And now you let us know. That is a good step.

Fighting addiction is hard - period. It's like our brain is wired to want that substance and it is hard to fight at times. But you got through that craving so I applaud you.

:clap: :goodjob:

 

[boi]

Re: just thinking

thanks ladylore and halo....
addiction is hard and I never thought I was addicted until now. I pretend everything is cool and no big deal quitting etc....But the prob is I think about how much it sucks that I cant smoke and life was great when there was pot. Thinking of the possibility that I might be able to smoke changes my mood to great. I guess that is addiction part of it. I am kinda annoyed that I made the deal with my therapist...I feel like I should be able to smoke once in a while...whats the big deal...I am just complaining because I miss it.

 

[Halo]

Re: just thinking

I know that it is hard when you make deals with your therapist. I have made deals with my therapist for specific things and in the moment I look back and really wish that I hadn't. It is only afterwards that I am glad that I did and see the benefit of making it and I am sure that you will see the benefit as well.

 

[ladylore]

Re: just thinking

Hi Boi,
I had another thought regarding you post. The pot that is grown these days is nothing like the pot say in the 60's. Its much more potent and therefore that much more dangerous to use and to kick the habit.

That is probably why you are having cravings.

 

[boi]

I never thought of that ladylore. Maybe it is because of that. When I went to NA the first time round to kick heroin I used to snicker about the potheads that were there.....I guess it's coming back to me now!! I shoudn't have made fun of the potheads.......

 

[no1isin]

Your post made me smile .
I remember going to N.A. meeting years ago as a pothead and could feel the stigma of the ?ther adicts who thought pot was a ""no problem what are You doing here" kind of drug.
I think thats part of the problem , it isn't taken very seriously by alot of people who haven't experianced the emotimal addiction to it.
I was clean for a month short of 2 years, after 35 years, until recently.
If I can encourage you in anyway I would say
DON'T take that "I think I can use once in a while " toke.
I don't know anything about your story, but I think after fighting pot addiction for almost 38 years I understand where your at.
You can do this. Hang in there.

 

[ladylore]

Great post No1isin!

When I stopped using the cravings were so bad my body had mixed it up with things like food and water. My body and mind were trying to convince me that I was going to die without it, like it was one of the necessities of life.

 

[boi]

yeah, good post no1isin...It is not taken seriously you are right...the emotional attachment to pot is really powerful.