[How do I] Know when people are genuine?

[NicNak]

First I want to say this is a question based on the "outside" world. I feel my friendships on Psychlinks are totally genuine and I feel blessed to know you all.

That being said, the outside world doesn't seem to be as simple to figure out.

I am quite over sensitive as many of you already know, probably :blush:

In real life I have almost a nieve nature and often have a difficult time communicating verbally. Also my nervousness is often odvious (I think)

Some people have told me before getting to know me that they didn't realize how smart I can be.

It is in those heavy confused states where I almost feel people are speaking in circles and nothing registers or so I think at the time.

So I wonder this for example:

How do I know if a sales person type is being nice because they think I am a nice person or that they are just trying to learn things about me to benefit themselves later on? When it might be time to buy more services.

Some times people I meet seem to be like walking billboards and they have a bag of things to sell and probe me to find out if I am someone they can send a sales pitch to.

Also, how do I know if people are doing thing because they care or because they are obligated?

I like to think good of people, but often times I feel an uneasyness or start to wonder afterwards.

Sorry if this all seems repetitive and silly, but this really confuses me.

Thanks.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

It may be that few things are really that black and white, NN.

That salesperson probably does want to sell you something. That doesn't mean s/he doesn't genuinely find you to be an interesting and likeable person.

And at certain times, we all do some things out of obligation, no matter how much we care about the person. If I'm feeling tired, or stressed, or under the weather and one of my children calls asking me to do something, or a friend needs a favor, I probably don't feel really enthusiastic about going out and doing what I need to do. But that doesn't reflect how I feel about that person. It just means I'm tired, or it's cold and rainy/snowy outside.

A good example of the latter is helping a friend move. We've all done that, probably many times. Do any of us really like doing it? Doubtful. We do it because we feel we should. And again it has nothing to do with our actual feelings for that person.

Perhaps you're looking at the issue a little too simplistically or categorically?

 

[Jazzey]

It's not silly NN...But, it is a tough question. How ever do we know if people are being genuine? We don't. That's why it's so imperative that we take the time to get to know them. That whole idea of the concentric circles, only letting people into our intimate realms littlle, by little.

And no, salespeople don't belong there - ever. You have to be a critical thinker when you're a consumer - always.

Having people be genuine with us takes time. We're all often tempted to skip a few steps because that's human nature...

You're a sharp cookie NN. You are an intelligent and critical thinker. You will be ok. Just remember to have enough confidence in yourself to be that critical thinker. That will spare you a lot of "what if's" down the line. :hug:

 

[NicNak]

Perhaps you're looking at the issue a little too simplistically or categorically?

Most likely :blush:

It is weird many times, it is like there are barricades in my head, where some things don't make sense and I can't pull any logic from things.

A lot of times people say things to me and I just don't "get it" and I ask to clairify and I still can't grasp what they are trying to say.

So yes, I can see how it could be my perception or maybe lack there of?

 

[NicNak]

You're a sharp cookie NN. You are an intelligent and critical thinker. You will be ok. Just remember to have enough confidence in yourself to be that critical thinker. That will spare you a lot of "what if's" down the line. :hug:

Thanks Jazzey for saying I am a sharp cookie. There is lots that runs around this mind of mine, but not often I can communicate it well.

The "What if's" reminded me of what my grade 9 and 10 teacher use to say when we asked "but what if?" she would reply, "but what if I had wheels I would be a trolley" :teehee: