[How to] Learn to trust my wife and others

[paintexpt]

I have a big problem with trust, I feel I can trust no one, my wife of 13 years also, this is creating a big problem in our marriage, I continually think she is going to cheat on me

I have never cheated on her, my family has a history of cheating on their spouses

recently my wife came in contact with a friend she hasn't seen in 10 years, they grew up together and are now calling and texting each other, I found out and am very upset about it, she did not tell me about it because she knew I would be mad, she assures me that he is just a friend and I have nothing to worry about & she should be able to have her friends that she wishes,

I have been cheated on my whole life with my other relationships, in fact a couple years my wife met a guy at the gym and started carrying on texting and calling, she was changing when I found out I was going to leave her, she said she made a mistake and didn't want us to leave each other, we reconciled and for the last couple years I have thought I felt I didn't have anything to worry about, I do believe she loves me, she takes good care of me and is a very wonderful person, I realize she made a mistake and want to be past that, I do not want to lose her

I know things happen and people cheat, how can I let her do what she wants and be her own person, where I don't get upset is she wants to go out of town with her sister, talk to an old friend, or go to the gym by herself without getting the hundred questions from me

I need to learn to trust & have better self esteem, I cant keep dwelling on this day in and day out, I feel it is unhealthy and she will certainly eventually leave me, how do I go about fixing this, I do not have 90.00 per our for a counselor

Thanks you, any help would be appreciated

 

[NicNak]

Re: learn to trust my wife & others

Did you wife have a relationship with the person at the gym she met and was chatting with?

If so, then I too would be afraid of her cheating. Once that happens, I know from personal experience it is very difficult to trust that person again.

Maybe some other members might have some more feedback for you regarding this. I have not ever sustained a realationship after an affair successfully. So I would not be the one to offer advice on how to work through these trust issues.

I wish you all the best.

 

[paintexpt]

Re: learn to trust my wife & others

I had found out and it was ended, she says nothing ever happend other than the chatting, there were red flags that something was going on with her this is how I found out, one of many flags to me was some of my co workers always asked us to go to a club, she never wanted to , then all of a sudden she wanted to every weekend, I kew of this person as he lived with one of my co workers and was dating her, I would see him there, I knew he went to the same gym,

I noticed my wife not smoking when we were there, when I had asked her why thet was, she said she had never smoked in a bar or club, now I been with her for 10 years and she always did, I put it all together and confronted her with the 250 text and calls listed on the phone bill in maybe 2 weeks, she admitted she was hiding this from me , but nothing had happend to that point, we have worked thru that and I think she was truthfull in saying she apoligised and stated it was a bad mistake, I do not know if anything ever happend, other than what she says,we have what I see as a great relationship, we rarely argue and very rarely fight, we do alot together and always tell each other that we love the other, so in all it is the trust problem I believe is the only real problem we have,

and to add This was a problem with me even before the incident I mentioned, I need to be able to let her be her own person as well as my wife, I just am so afraid something will happen, It is not healthy for me to dwell on this all the time, if she wants to visit her sister 200 miles away, that should be ok, my first thinking is that her sister is pretty wild and they will head out to a club and my wife would do something she shouldent, WHY! she says she has done nothing to deserve to be questioned , that I should know she loves me and she wont do anything wrong, she says she dosnt know what else to do to prove her self to me, if somethings going to happen it will weather I question her or not, I can do nothing to stop it, but I cant dwell on this day in and day out, and have this be the cause of our breakup or her being unfaithful, I dont think she has really done anything to make me feel this way, but on the other hand how would I know