Letting go

[Ashley-Kate]

so my anorexia was a need to feel empty pure and clean, my bulimia well my need to feel full of something and then to reject it, yet i just can't seem to get what i really want out of me out.

This may sound crazy maybe i am crazy cause well i admit it i do feel crazy.. okay i am rambling. I am scared to death i can't stop myself anymore either anorexia or bulimia. Just being normal doesn't seem to stop the pain make everything calm down long enough. I am tired of the struggle and frankly physically i can't take much more of this my body is currently not strong enough and i am putting it through hell but i just can't stop. I want a sentence a little word that will make it all change that will make this all go away but it never comes

 

[Mari]

Just being normal doesn't seem to stop the pain make everything calm down long enough.

Dear Ashley, how long have you been with 'normal'? How long before the pain stops and everything calms down? Do you have a goal? Do you want 'normal' to occur after one hour? one week? one month? The one word I suggest is HOPE :heart: Mari

 

[Always Changing]

Hi Ashely
a while back you wrote

i have an appointment in 2 weeks with my dr and surgeon from the operation but will probably not see a therapist before the 10th of august! i am sooo tired of being this way.

Is there any way you can ring for an earlier apt with your Therapist, I really think you could benefit from seeing him\her, if not an option can you call your dr or the emergency room if need be and explain where you at?

Is it possible that you went back to work too soon and that this maybe is taking its toll on you also?
I am sorry you are struggling so hard with this, you are not crazy! you are suffering and I wish there was some way to help ease that for you :hug:


Try and hang in there taking one step, one day at the time.
Thinking of you and hope you feel a bit better soon.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

I had my appointments with everyone, as for the surgery it is healing less fast than the dr. would like so he has limited me yet again to nothing too demanding physically. I saw my psychologist and dr. as well and the dr. gave me something to help me relax and sleep more because i guess anxiety was taking its toll on my sleeping. and for once i agreed to the medication, on the 10th i have an appointment with the new team that will be working with me. i am going back home to my appartment in a month about and i also have a job already ready for me probably! working in a coffee shop me a coffee addict :2thumbs: workiing in a coffee shop van houtte hmmmmm.. coffee so things are getting into place now

 

[Always Changing]

Hi again Ashley,
what a great update!, .
I am so glad to hear you were able to see not just your therapist but all of your doctors, I hope you will take it easy now and "behave", lol just a little joke there, seriously though I do hope you are taking your docs advice to heart and are going to take it handy it will be worth it when you are all healed from the surgery.
Sounds to me like you have had quiet a few good things happening for you in recent days and with a possible job waiting for you when you get back home also, you have been very busy.

I hope now with your new meds that you will be able to relax, & sleep, read etc etc, let us know how it goes for you. Good job on accepting that you need them to help, I know how hard it is to have to take meds when we wish\want to do without. So :2thumbs:

By the way Ashley,

me a coffee addict

You and me both!!
You will have to send me some of that coffee, from what you have written it sounds like it is probably the good stuff , I Love my coffee!!.

thanks for the update, I am really glad for you today. .