David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Listening to grief
August 23, 2010
Indy - where she loved to be. What a happy girl she was!
I have been dreading writing this post. While at the same time knowing how necessary and important it is. Necessary for my healing, and important as a way of honouring the life of someone so precious to our family.
Our dog Indigo died last week. She drank some anti-freeze and was poisoned. It was a terrible accident. She was only 9 and had many good years left in her.
I miss her. The first time I drove into our driveway and she wasn?t there to greet me, with her happy smile and wagging taile, I thought my heart would crack open with the grief. This morning, a courier came to drop off a package ? normally Indy would have warned me of his arrival long before the bell rang. And she would have been right there, making a bit of a nuisance of herself, dancing around us both, as he brought the box in.
Yesterday when I hung up the washing, I missed her company as she trotted down to the line with me and sat at my feet while I pegged up the laundry.
I even miss how she would howl at the wind at night time, shrieking out at some unseen menace or possible predator onto her territory.
The week leading up to her death was terrible. We knew she was sick but we didn?t know why until a few days beforehand ? we just thought it was some mystery illness that had caused her kidneys to fail. There are some sounds I will never forget ? the fear in my husband, Dan?s, voice when he told me the vet was holding her overnight. The sobbing of my mother as I told her the news of Indy?s death ? my parents loved her, too. The uncontrollable grief Dan expressed when he told me she?d been put down. Awful sounds that you wish you didn?t ever have to hear.
I?ve also listened to the grief of my own heart and have cried as I?ve needed to. I?ve been blessed with wonderful friends who have said lovely things about what a beautiful dog she was, what a faithful and happy friend. No-one has said ?oh, she was just a dog?.
We decided not to have a service of any kind for her. She was Dan?s dog and I was happy for him to choose what to do. But this is my memorial for her.
Our lives were better because she was part of it for 9 years. We will miss her terribly.
August 23, 2010
Indy - where she loved to be. What a happy girl she was!
I have been dreading writing this post. While at the same time knowing how necessary and important it is. Necessary for my healing, and important as a way of honouring the life of someone so precious to our family.
Our dog Indigo died last week. She drank some anti-freeze and was poisoned. It was a terrible accident. She was only 9 and had many good years left in her.
I miss her. The first time I drove into our driveway and she wasn?t there to greet me, with her happy smile and wagging taile, I thought my heart would crack open with the grief. This morning, a courier came to drop off a package ? normally Indy would have warned me of his arrival long before the bell rang. And she would have been right there, making a bit of a nuisance of herself, dancing around us both, as he brought the box in.
Yesterday when I hung up the washing, I missed her company as she trotted down to the line with me and sat at my feet while I pegged up the laundry.
I even miss how she would howl at the wind at night time, shrieking out at some unseen menace or possible predator onto her territory.
The week leading up to her death was terrible. We knew she was sick but we didn?t know why until a few days beforehand ? we just thought it was some mystery illness that had caused her kidneys to fail. There are some sounds I will never forget ? the fear in my husband, Dan?s, voice when he told me the vet was holding her overnight. The sobbing of my mother as I told her the news of Indy?s death ? my parents loved her, too. The uncontrollable grief Dan expressed when he told me she?d been put down. Awful sounds that you wish you didn?t ever have to hear.
I?ve also listened to the grief of my own heart and have cried as I?ve needed to. I?ve been blessed with wonderful friends who have said lovely things about what a beautiful dog she was, what a faithful and happy friend. No-one has said ?oh, she was just a dog?.
We decided not to have a service of any kind for her. She was Dan?s dog and I was happy for him to choose what to do. But this is my memorial for her.
Our lives were better because she was part of it for 9 years. We will miss her terribly.
