Long-term online relationship

[justhere]

UPDATE AND IM CONFUSED ABOUT IT The man of whom I had written the following post has not called me since July 1st 2009, just stopped. I had emailed since then but no reply he may not even be reading his mails. He was going through things and he was worn down. What is the likelihood that with time he will call me again? Im feeling gutted over this because we were so close and there was no reason to end things, we were moving towards meeting face to face and in time if things were good, I would move there.

...Nice to read that I am not the only one out there who accidentally got close to a man living 7 hours away via an online Over 40s chatroom. We both were there out of boredom, loneliness at nighttime, during dinner hours. 3 years now we have been talking for hours on the phone, via webcam, online messaging, snail mail. It can happen. Love can happen through the wires. It is so cool to me too because we started talking on the phone very casually, no airs or facades. It is very intimate, it is awesome to connect with someone this way. We consider each other as best friends, and who knows right?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Does Virtual Intimacy Exist?

Honestly, my guess is if you haven't heard from him in over 2 months despite trying to make contact with him, you're not going to hear from him at all.

 

[justhere]

Re: Does Virtual Intimacy Exist?

whoa He was depressed/ and quite frankly depressive. So, I do think whatever happens, Ill be ok. But, I do know that some people take distance and return after some time. Since I have not heard from him, and after 2 months of crying, I dont think of him constantly like I did. I am a Highly Sensitive Person, so I am sure being love sick is typical. When I consider, what am I missing from this relationship? He didnt meet me after 3 years, and last summer he was supposed to come here and bailed out days beforehand. He is always "stressed" "overwhelmed" and I am very empathetic, empathic. Maybe I put him before my own health, at times. I think he is a HSP too

 

[Jazzey]

Re: Does Virtual Intimacy Exist?

I'm sorry JT..The other factor that you have to consider (and it looks as if you have) is what do you want? If he is depressed and tries to regain contact with you in a little while, what do you want? I'd make that decision now so that you're not confused if he does regain contact.

And if he doesn't regain contact, nothing lost...

 

[justhere]

Re: Does Virtual Intimacy Exist?

Being true to my feelings and not being proud, I miss our connection big time. Feeling as if I met someone who finally gets me, he pursued me, it developed over a long time, first as friendship and laughs. So yeah, Im ok with time. But the unknown is very hard so I had to close that up, if you get my meaning. I am present also, whereas before in my life, i would try to distract myself. Now if I feel sad, I cry. If I am nervous, I feel it and dont take xanax to quell it. So, good question from you, but I know that the door is open for him. Another thing I used to do is immediately change my phone number and make it unlisted. Now, I am keeping everything the same: email contact, phone number. Making it possible for when/if he contacts me again. I dont feel dumb in doing that, I am allowing myself to maintain faith in everything we shared.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Does Virtual Intimacy Exist?

My worry for you is that you are holding out hope for something that is hopeless.

What evidence is there after more than 3 years to support your hope (a) that you will ever have anything more than an online relationship at best, or (b) that you will even have that much in the future, given that it has been so long since he's even replied to your emails.

 

[justhere]

I have no idea. I wish I had a therapist now to work this stuff out. It helps to hear it out loud, I surprise myself sometimes in a talk -session. There is no evidence that he would ever man-up and drive to meet me, instead of his proposition that I board a plane and travel alone to meet him at his place [Having had agoraphobia for 20 years, this thought is virtually impossible for me to fathom--I told him it would be helpful for him to meet me here first, and if it works out, eventually we would travel back and forth every few months or six months and then,,,,after a year, I could stay with him for a few wks to see how I would like the area, being with him