I'm new to this site so don't know if I'll even find where I've posted this, if it goes up, but we'll give it a try I suppose.
Ok... <sigh> where do I start...?
It's such a relief to find a forum where I can be anonymous and REAL, and not have to act out like my life is fine.
I don't know if I'm depressed or not, and I don't know if I want to know. Something about labelling scares me, especially since so much of a person's make-up is in their mind.
I was reading this whole long article about lesbians, some psycho... something, (highly qualified with lots of letters after her name) had done an extensive survey on the lesbians she had done therapy with and others in the field too... and she came to this fascinating conclusion, drawing from her (and other professional's) experience... all about these women craving that kind of relationship because of several reasons... one of which was that they had no relationship - or no healthy relationship - with their mother. So in the article she was going into detail, how crucial a mother is to a growing girl, how the girl learns to form opinions and learns to socialize and stuff based on this relationship...
Now I'm not a lesbian but after reading all about it I probably should have been... My mother was very negative about me, always criticising, never loving, especially never physically affectionate which was something I sorely missed...
I was comparing myself to my friend who's mother ran off with another guy when she was only 4 and abandoned her completely... and I ended up being a lot more messed up than she. My theory is this is because altho she didn't haev a mother at all, and I did, my mother was so negative about me, that I figure it was worse. Better absence, than constant criticism...?
I don't know...
I don't even know why I'm waffling like this on my first post. I'm tired now. I wanted really to be able to discuss some issues here and hopefully find support from some likeminded people but right now it feels like there are far too many issues and I can't be bothered to start with any of them really.
so.. just ignore me please till I have something usefull to say!
Ok... <sigh> where do I start...?
It's such a relief to find a forum where I can be anonymous and REAL, and not have to act out like my life is fine.
I don't know if I'm depressed or not, and I don't know if I want to know. Something about labelling scares me, especially since so much of a person's make-up is in their mind.
I was reading this whole long article about lesbians, some psycho... something, (highly qualified with lots of letters after her name) had done an extensive survey on the lesbians she had done therapy with and others in the field too... and she came to this fascinating conclusion, drawing from her (and other professional's) experience... all about these women craving that kind of relationship because of several reasons... one of which was that they had no relationship - or no healthy relationship - with their mother. So in the article she was going into detail, how crucial a mother is to a growing girl, how the girl learns to form opinions and learns to socialize and stuff based on this relationship...
Now I'm not a lesbian but after reading all about it I probably should have been... My mother was very negative about me, always criticising, never loving, especially never physically affectionate which was something I sorely missed...
I was comparing myself to my friend who's mother ran off with another guy when she was only 4 and abandoned her completely... and I ended up being a lot more messed up than she. My theory is this is because altho she didn't haev a mother at all, and I did, my mother was so negative about me, that I figure it was worse. Better absence, than constant criticism...?
I don't know...
I don't even know why I'm waffling like this on my first post. I'm tired now. I wanted really to be able to discuss some issues here and hopefully find support from some likeminded people but right now it feels like there are far too many issues and I can't be bothered to start with any of them really.
so.. just ignore me please till I have something usefull to say!