I recently promised myself that I would go back to college this spring. This probably seems petty, but I just can't decide what to study. It's not that I have absolutely no clue, it's just that I can't make a decision, and when I do take a step toward something, I sabotage it.
For example, I had an appt. today to meet with an advisor at a vet tech school. The veterinarian I used to work for even wrote me a recommendation. At the last minute, I cancelled the appt. It's been over 5 years since I worked at an animal hospital, and since then, I've tried to go back into the field so many times I cannot even count. You'd think I'd have my answer by now, but nope.
I've tried to explore other fields, but then find some aspect that either scares me, or I don't think I would like or be able to do. Becoming a vet tech seems "safe" because I've done it already. I feel like I'm stuck in a thick fog of fear. I really feel like I've lost myself. All I do know is that I love animals, and would hope to pursue some kind of life's work for them. I've thought about working as a paralegal in animal law, but it seems like such new and unstable territory. However, when I read about a new law passed, or conviction of an animal abuser, it really sparks something inside me, which happens so rarely these days. Also, I am worried that I don't have the personality to work in the legal field. I think I am smart enough, but maybe not assertive enough.
I've always been kind of a shy person, and sometimes blush just because I'm nervous. I doubt myself so much, and keep changing my mind. It's like I'm dancing around an issue I'm afraid to confront. Also, I have no confidence in myself anymore. I barely had any to begin with.
I'm not sure if this is the correct thread for my post, but it really is starting to feel like an issue with self esteem and self confidence, and it's clouding my mind, and driving me crazy. That saying, "You can do anything you set your mind to." doesn't really mean much to me. I think that I have to be realistic.
For example, I had an appt. today to meet with an advisor at a vet tech school. The veterinarian I used to work for even wrote me a recommendation. At the last minute, I cancelled the appt. It's been over 5 years since I worked at an animal hospital, and since then, I've tried to go back into the field so many times I cannot even count. You'd think I'd have my answer by now, but nope.
I've tried to explore other fields, but then find some aspect that either scares me, or I don't think I would like or be able to do. Becoming a vet tech seems "safe" because I've done it already. I feel like I'm stuck in a thick fog of fear. I really feel like I've lost myself. All I do know is that I love animals, and would hope to pursue some kind of life's work for them. I've thought about working as a paralegal in animal law, but it seems like such new and unstable territory. However, when I read about a new law passed, or conviction of an animal abuser, it really sparks something inside me, which happens so rarely these days. Also, I am worried that I don't have the personality to work in the legal field. I think I am smart enough, but maybe not assertive enough.
I've always been kind of a shy person, and sometimes blush just because I'm nervous. I doubt myself so much, and keep changing my mind. It's like I'm dancing around an issue I'm afraid to confront. Also, I have no confidence in myself anymore. I barely had any to begin with.
I'm not sure if this is the correct thread for my post, but it really is starting to feel like an issue with self esteem and self confidence, and it's clouding my mind, and driving me crazy. That saying, "You can do anything you set your mind to." doesn't really mean much to me. I think that I have to be realistic.
