More threads by nikki



for as long as i can now remember i have an overwelming feeling of being lost, confused and alone. But i dont understand why.
Over the years it has cost me friends and relationships. I have a fear of trusting people as i think that letting someone get to know me will make me open to being hurt. but of what i dont even understand.
I have many issues but i dont know where they come from or how to deal with them.
My main problem i have is thinking far too much and far too deeply about things, which makes me stressed and even more confussed.
Is it true that there might be one event in my past which could have triggered off what i feel now??!!!??

I have a memory of when i was younger but, i dont know whether my brain has distorted it, as i can not remember if what happened was innocent or not. this makes me ever so confused as i cant understand myself.
but i know there was a point in my life where something happened to make me the way i am, but what that was i just dont know, and i drive myself crazy trying to work it out.

I dont know if im depressed or not or if its me analysing things far too much and the not understanding is what drives me to feeling like this.
I have just managed to get a job and i have many friends, but there just feels like there is something missing all the time, and when i get close to someone i just push them away then they end up resenting me as i can get nasty in the way i handle things to make them leave me alone, but the thing is i want to get close to someone but it never happens.

I just wish that i could put the past behind me and move on but things always remind me of what i want to forget , all i want is to be happy but it seams always out of reach, why, i dont know?????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Hi Nikki,
Welcome to the family.

I think that david would be the best to answer some of these things.

Sometimes when we are down, and don't know why, we wonder if there was a past experience that caused this. It could have happened, and if you think this is true, you need to talk to someone experienced in all of this.

I know that sometimes I tend to over analyze myself. I think we can all do this sometimes. Things bother us, and we aren't sure what they are or if they are anything at all.

Ahh, trusting others, one thing I have worked on so hard lately, an the insecurities, which almost cost me a very dear friend. This friend has been so instrumental in my life over the past several years in getting me to see that I am important and smart, and that I can do anythign if I actually try harder then hard to accomplish it all.

Having been sexually abused as a child did put a ton of insecurities and mis trust in my life. And its not easy to hand that tray of trust over, but if its done with small things first, ones that are so minute, and then we increase the size of what we hand over to others so that we can learn trust, it can be accomplished.

You are special and you are important in life. I know that you can overcome this if I can.

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Thanks for "bumping" this, momof5 -- I had somehow missed it -- my apologies Nikki.

Your description sounds like symptoms of dysthymia or depression but of course this could be secondary to other issues. Could it have been caused by some early childhood trauma? Of course. But it could also have a variety of other origins. Perhaps partly because brain chemistry and the endocrine system (hormones) are tightly integrated, it isn't unusual for symptoms to be not evident in early childhood and to appear in later childhood, adolescence, or early adulthood.

There's also a thread elsewhere on this forum about "The Highly Sensitive Person" -- does that sound like you?

In either case, I would strongly recommend that you find a counsellor to discuss these isues with, if that is feasible for you.


hey :)

hey nikki !
well i just want you to know that youre not alone....i have the same problem....just not as serious....i do push away people but i DO know its because ive been lied to and betrayed in the past...because of this im always careful with how close i get to people...its only because i trusted them with my life..and for them to go and tell my secrets and talk about me that way seriously hurt me....and i do openly admit to them sometimes that i dont open up as much because i dont want to get hurt again...and they do understand...... maybe its to do with your past experiences too?
"but the thing is i want to get close to someone but it never happens"...about this...i just wanted to suggest...maybe you could talk to who ever you do start getting close to ...try to explain to them that you dont mean to seem rude...but you have trouble opening up and trusting people..because of your past..tell them you just need some time...hopefully they will understand....:) good luck with everything..feel free to mail me :)

lara :)
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