Love and Sugar
By Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.
PsychologyToday blog: Finding True Love
June 1, 2009
When I was a child, my mother often showed me her love by secreting us away from my other siblings and sharing a cookie, a piece of cake or candy just with me. She made it a point that she was sharing it with me because I was so special. I certainly felt special. Even though the sugary love drug usually made me sick to my stomach.
My mother's actions led to a lifelong push-pull between me and sugar. It took on so many meanings-the special comfort of mother, being chosen, being loved. And of course, sugar did produce--it gave me that great initial rush. Once I started dating, if I broke up with a guy, I headed straight for the Ben & Jerrys. And ate a whole pint--to the point of getting myself sick. It became both a reward and a punishment. It took me years to detach from that meaning, to learn to love myself enough so that I did not need to put large amounts of sugar in my body as a kind of love drug. It took me learning to love myself enough. And out of that self love I was able to give myself a wonderful relationship with a caring man--which in turn, steadied me and made it easier to take control over that demon sugar.
As psychologist and love expert who has helped thousands of women find lasting love, I have seen that for many women, self-love really is the governing mechanism that determines what they put in their bodies as well as how they run their love lives. If they are caught in a vicious cycle with low self-esteem they will often date guys who disappear or who are not good for them. When the relationship hits a downtick, they too head straight for a sugary fix to help them in their pain. Of course, this act just makes them feel much much worse.
The bottom line here is to work on loving yourself, on finding and cultivating what I call your Diamond (most lovable self identity)--saying kind, positive loving compliments to yourself as you look in the mirror each day. Instead of seeing your fat, cellulite or wrinkles, notice how kind your eyes are, how your pretty little toes look in those sandals, how much character and wisdom you have in your face. If you start the day this way, giving yourself five real compliments you will find a shift that makes it easier to control what you put in your mouth and how you run your love life!
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., a psychologist and frequent guest expert on The Today Show, is the author of the bestselling book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.
By Diana Kirschner, Ph.D.
PsychologyToday blog: Finding True Love
June 1, 2009
When I was a child, my mother often showed me her love by secreting us away from my other siblings and sharing a cookie, a piece of cake or candy just with me. She made it a point that she was sharing it with me because I was so special. I certainly felt special. Even though the sugary love drug usually made me sick to my stomach.
My mother's actions led to a lifelong push-pull between me and sugar. It took on so many meanings-the special comfort of mother, being chosen, being loved. And of course, sugar did produce--it gave me that great initial rush. Once I started dating, if I broke up with a guy, I headed straight for the Ben & Jerrys. And ate a whole pint--to the point of getting myself sick. It became both a reward and a punishment. It took me years to detach from that meaning, to learn to love myself enough so that I did not need to put large amounts of sugar in my body as a kind of love drug. It took me learning to love myself enough. And out of that self love I was able to give myself a wonderful relationship with a caring man--which in turn, steadied me and made it easier to take control over that demon sugar.
As psychologist and love expert who has helped thousands of women find lasting love, I have seen that for many women, self-love really is the governing mechanism that determines what they put in their bodies as well as how they run their love lives. If they are caught in a vicious cycle with low self-esteem they will often date guys who disappear or who are not good for them. When the relationship hits a downtick, they too head straight for a sugary fix to help them in their pain. Of course, this act just makes them feel much much worse.
The bottom line here is to work on loving yourself, on finding and cultivating what I call your Diamond (most lovable self identity)--saying kind, positive loving compliments to yourself as you look in the mirror each day. Instead of seeing your fat, cellulite or wrinkles, notice how kind your eyes are, how your pretty little toes look in those sandals, how much character and wisdom you have in your face. If you start the day this way, giving yourself five real compliments you will find a shift that makes it easier to control what you put in your mouth and how you run your love life!
Diana Kirschner, Ph.D., a psychologist and frequent guest expert on The Today Show, is the author of the bestselling book, Love in 90 Days: The Essential Guide to Finding Your Own True Love.
