Anna-Kissed
Member
I'm on a break from my recent partner, every one who is close to me thinks I should get out!
I have deep trust issues... and I'm subjected to the odd bit of paranoia now and then... In the last nine months I can feel myself slipping into a slight depression again, due to my relationship...
My 'Ex' only came up on the weekends... they were my wishes, and I would talk to him every night on messenger... but, he would never return any of my calls or texts and if I didn't log on, I wouldn’t hear from him.
Even though he is kind and generous and very tactile he doesn't like to talk about any thing emotional.
I am a counsellor in training, and he is a technical engineer... so my congruence, honesty and openness clashes with his ignorance.
I soon became scared to show him any emotion, in fear that I would push him away... he picked up on my coldness and thought I was going off him.
Naturally I know the importance of communication, but if I would try to talk about me, him, us, or the way I'm feeling he would panicky and go into his corner and shy away until I gave up on trying to talk to him.
I don't know how he feels about me - and I'm pretty sure he's so out of touch with his emotions he don't know either... and I have literally given up on trying to understand him.
On a Monday three weeks ago I told him I've developed stronger feelings for him, and if he didn't feel the same I'd rather him end it... but he laughed and said we're doing fine...
On the wends I sent him a text during the lunch hour as he had to put his dog down. It said..."I'm here if you need a friend"... As the hours passed I felt frustrated and foolish, hurt and upset because he did not reply.
In the night on MSN he made no comment about the text.. so I asked him if he had it... the response was "yer"... so I snapped...
I said;
"I don't even get a thanks... I've always knew what you were like, I'm just a fool for getting involved!"
He sharply said "I see - Nite" and blocked me.... a week later I rang him, asking him why he's ignoring me... I got... "I'm not - been busy".
I put the phone down confused and here I am another 2 weeks later... he's missed my birthday, which hurts... I'm unsure if he needs space, or has decided to end it. I don't feel I can ask... as I'll not get a productive reply, he'll just act dull...
I could just shrug and walk away... but I don't like to think I give up easy... I know I snapped because I felt rejected and they are my issues... but he doesn't give me a reason to think differently... I feel really close when I'm with him... but feel that as I'm out of sight during the week and if I didn't log-on I wouldn't here from him so I feel he is just using me for a leg over.
I don't know if I should fight for this to work, or to just walk away while I still have my pride.
Right now I'm blaming myself for being so needy... but friends say he's just using manipulation... he know he has upset me, and he has made no effort in making me feel wanted, so my paranoia stems from his behaviour... he has no urge to change as he sees this as MY problem, not his....
Sorry for the length... any comment or feedback will be much appreciated...
Thanks - Anna x X x
I have deep trust issues... and I'm subjected to the odd bit of paranoia now and then... In the last nine months I can feel myself slipping into a slight depression again, due to my relationship...
My 'Ex' only came up on the weekends... they were my wishes, and I would talk to him every night on messenger... but, he would never return any of my calls or texts and if I didn't log on, I wouldn’t hear from him.
Even though he is kind and generous and very tactile he doesn't like to talk about any thing emotional.
I am a counsellor in training, and he is a technical engineer... so my congruence, honesty and openness clashes with his ignorance.
I soon became scared to show him any emotion, in fear that I would push him away... he picked up on my coldness and thought I was going off him.
Naturally I know the importance of communication, but if I would try to talk about me, him, us, or the way I'm feeling he would panicky and go into his corner and shy away until I gave up on trying to talk to him.
I don't know how he feels about me - and I'm pretty sure he's so out of touch with his emotions he don't know either... and I have literally given up on trying to understand him.
On a Monday three weeks ago I told him I've developed stronger feelings for him, and if he didn't feel the same I'd rather him end it... but he laughed and said we're doing fine...
On the wends I sent him a text during the lunch hour as he had to put his dog down. It said..."I'm here if you need a friend"... As the hours passed I felt frustrated and foolish, hurt and upset because he did not reply.
In the night on MSN he made no comment about the text.. so I asked him if he had it... the response was "yer"... so I snapped...
I said;
"I don't even get a thanks... I've always knew what you were like, I'm just a fool for getting involved!"
He sharply said "I see - Nite" and blocked me.... a week later I rang him, asking him why he's ignoring me... I got... "I'm not - been busy".
I put the phone down confused and here I am another 2 weeks later... he's missed my birthday, which hurts... I'm unsure if he needs space, or has decided to end it. I don't feel I can ask... as I'll not get a productive reply, he'll just act dull...
I could just shrug and walk away... but I don't like to think I give up easy... I know I snapped because I felt rejected and they are my issues... but he doesn't give me a reason to think differently... I feel really close when I'm with him... but feel that as I'm out of sight during the week and if I didn't log-on I wouldn't here from him so I feel he is just using me for a leg over.
I don't know if I should fight for this to work, or to just walk away while I still have my pride.
Right now I'm blaming myself for being so needy... but friends say he's just using manipulation... he know he has upset me, and he has made no effort in making me feel wanted, so my paranoia stems from his behaviour... he has no urge to change as he sees this as MY problem, not his....
Sorry for the length... any comment or feedback will be much appreciated...
Thanks - Anna x X x