Memories and their healing properties

[Jazzey]

When you know that you're a survivor of child of sexual abuse, is it possible to move forward in your life and heal yourself emotionally when you don't have certainty in your memories? Do you need those memories to heal? Do you need confirmation of some sort that it actually took place to be able to undo the damage done?

 

[Into The Light]

that's a difficult question. i think the certainty you may be looking for is a certainty that something happened that was wrong. i've come to understand that memories aren't all that accurate, even regular ones that we don't question. it's more the emotional context that we remember, it's more a gist of what happened that we have as the memory.

whatever memories you have, they might not be accurate but they wouldn't be there at all with that gist of abuse unless something like that happened. you are remembering something of that nature, and i think dealing with what you are remembering now even though it might not be accurate in the details is what matters in your healing. you have certain memories, and they evoke certain feelings, so that is what you need to work on healing from.

 

[Jazzey]

Thanks ITL. I think that's exactly my confusion. I have certain memories that I dismiss as being imagination of a child. But the gist of the situation is very real for me and not doubted - at least most of the time.

And yet, when I consider the situations I've put myself into during the course of my life, I can't help but think that there is more truth than imagination to some of these memories. And I'm petrified of having more memories coming back up and even more petrified of having them confirmed...Life was so much simpler when I could believe they were figments of a child's imagination...

 

[Into The Light]

that makes total sense that it's scary and that you want to dismiss them. it would be quite the wild imagination of a child. kids just don't imagine these kinds of things. i am sorry you are having to deal with this. :support:

 

[Jazzey]

Thank you ITL...I'm just confused about it. But I'm a-ok. There is some peace in knowing that I am who I am because of my past - and I can change my personality. (slowly but surely)

 

[Into The Light]

your core is good jazzey. you're just working on those bits of you that cause you difficulty i kind of see it this way. we all have this inner core of who we are. it's like a flower bud. as we work towards healing and becoming healthy we start to bloom. you're a flower waiting to happen, the bloom just needs a little nurturing, watering and sunshine. and maybe some better soil to live in

 

[Jazzey]

Thank you ITL. I like the analogy. Now if could just get the flower to bloom really quickly. (and without the manure - sorry, couldn't resist given the imagery :lol

 

[Daniel E.]

As the farmers say (they don't really): No manure, no magic

 

[Jackie]

your core is good jazzey. you're just working on those bits of you that cause you difficulty i kind of see it this way. we all have this inner core of who we are. it's like a flower bud. as we work towards healing and becoming healthy we start to bloom. you're a flower waiting to happen, the bloom just needs a little nurturing, watering and sunshine. and maybe some better soil to live in

I love your analogy, thats a really good way of looking at it

 

[Into The Light]

but in reality we don't want to rush the flower's blooming (although i can certainly understand you wanting it now). watching a bloom unfold is a beautiful thing. the unfolding is the journey. we need to take our time to do it right

 

[Marcel]

Hi Jazzey - I don't know if it would help but there is a book called The Courage to Heal by Bass and Davis that deals with abuse - it has exercises you can work through to go through and deal with the past, and it does deal with the issue of having unclear memories. You can look at it online (amazon.com) - I'm sure libraries would have it as it has been around for awhile.

 

[Jazzey]

Thank you Buffy - I will definitely get my hands on that book.

 

[white page]

Do you need confirmation of some sort that it actually took place to be able to undo the damage done?

I am sorry that I haven't responded to this before now , though I haven't suffered sexual abuse , I have suffered other forms of abuse , and the day it was acknowledged by my T , I could move on and change my perspectives on certain aspects of life . So I do think that any form of abuse has to be acknowledged , either by oneself or ones family and the professionals we turn to for help , once there is recognition that we were or are victims , then we can move forward to the point when we are no longer victims and no longer
giving power to the people that harmed us . It is neccessary to feel anger and hate in order to be able to turn it into indifference and free ourselves .

I hope this makes some sort of sense .
best wishes wp

 

[ladylore]

You have been given some great advice Jazzey.

Memory is a tricky thing. Two questions that come to mind - If by chance you found out that your memories were true, how would that change things for you today? If some of your memories were found to be untrue after awhile how would that information change things for you today?

Memories are powerful things and can get us stuck in the past. This may be something you just need to see through to the other side. We are here for you. :hug:

 

[Jazzey]

Thanks everyone. I'll just answer globally here but I've read all the responses...And I just found them now...

I agree that abuse has to be acknowledged. As for the memories, I agree that one way or another, it won't change who I am today. And the very honest part of me will tell you that I'm hoping not to remember and I'd love to be able to avoid the whole thing...I won't. But it would be easy to run for the hills right about now.

 

[forgetmenot]

You don't have certainty in your memories some things pass can be blurred but the emotions are real. The pain comes from somewhere. I would like to think healing can be done without having too much past be revealed.

Good question, Jazzey
Thanks

 

[Jazzey]

I've been obsessing about this question for the past few days. So here I am again.

Since my incident in August, I have a flood of memories or thoughts (sometimes just feelings) that are coming to me. What's really difficult at this point is to decipher 1) why I'm having these images or thoughts right now; 2) are they real or is my brain simply creating things; 3) I have an incredible difficulty in stopping the thoughts.

I'll give one example. When I was very young, there was a person in my family's life that was very close to us. After the incident this past summer, I started thinking about him which I hadn't done in easily 20 years.

I have no doubt of what he did. But I'd never given it any thought before this summer. Since this summer I'll get memories through smells or images that I've never had in my mind before. I don't know if any of this makes sense?

I guess I'm wondering if one traumatic incident can bring back old experiences and whether the images I see or feel have any reality to them? Having said that - I'm not even sure that I need the confirmation one way or another. I don't care if these images are real....But I do wish they'd stop.

 

[suewatters1]

Jazzey you ask if one traumatic experience brings up the past I say yes. My friend has PTSD from his son's car accident. While in therapy for that the floodgates from his traumatic past opened up. Now he is dealing with everything from the past and the present at the same time.

Sue

 

[Jazzey]

Thanks Sue. That's certainly the impression I've gotten as well.

 

[forgetmenot]

Yes definitely a traumatic experiance can open the gate to trauma in the past thats what happen to me. The images you see and feel i think do have reality to them or why else would they becoming through. I like you just want them to stop because i cannot deal with the pain that comes with it all.
Hope you are able to find your answers Jazzey take care mary