Memories

[Ashley-Kate]

Well I have been having flashes from when I was 11 and the abuse I was subjected to at that age, and as I remember quite well most of what happened some things are coming to the surface and it is as if my mind doesn't want to accept the memory.

I don't understand cause latley i have been trying to see through the event to end it, I guess so that maybe it will pass but there is a memory that I don't seem to be able to see the rest of. I see me (at 11 years old) in a room with him, then I turn to my left and I see a little girl. All I can see is that she is blond, a bit younger than I was at the time so about 6 or 7, but then it stops. It comes back a couple of times during a day and I can never get past that point.

Could it be that my mind won't let me or that the memory has been pushed so far away to protect me? I just don't understand and the worst thing is I remember most of the things in it. I remember the smell in the room, the place we were, almost up to the day and time, but I can't see the rest, the after... and it seems to scare me even more to think of it.

I don't want to seem weird or messed up. I just want to understand what is going on in my head.

I just don't understand.

 

[Freckles]

Have you been seeing a therapist about this, Ashley? I'm sure they would be able to help you shed light on this or at least help you find comfort. I was abused as a child and some memories are more blurry than others. It could be that the memory isn't a bad one at all and is just something you can't completely remember because you were so young.

I wish I had a better answer for you. If you can't afford counseling, I've been looking into therapist in my own area and have found that many places offer their services at reduced rates or pro-bono when your income or insurance won't cover the care you need.

Hope you are feeling much less anxious now and are enjoying the evening!

 

[David Baxter PhD]

There is still a lot of mystery about memory, suppression, repression, and recovered memories, Ashley. Your suggestions about your mind protecting you may be the answer. It's also possible that you are linking two memories about events that are not actually connected, so that when you try to pursue the memory fragments you run into a dead end.

Try not to worry about it for now. It may be that in time you will remember more of the event, or you may never remember all of it. And that may be okay too.