Ashley-Kate
MVP
Hello,
These past 10 days have been horrible. I never thought something like this would happen I knew the risk but part of me felt safe. I was at just past 12 weeks we had heard the heart beat 2 weeks prior to this ultra sound and had saw the baby the monday at the ER and were told although the baby was small it was still alive but I was in a what they called at the time "threatened miscarriage." On friday the 28th we were informed that the baby had no longer any heartbeat. WE were told all the classic things that it wasn't my fault that I am 1 in 4 that, that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. The dr. at the hospital that had informed us of this news and gave me my options pushed for a medical option rather than a surgical. Told us it would happen peacefully and painless because of the meds she gave me to control the pain. She lied, I ended up in the ER the next night needing pain meds plus and IV to hydrate me and eventually a blood transfusion because I was already anemic prior to the miscarriage. After spending a couple days in hospital I have been home for just over a week. I had to ask my psychiatrist to give me more time off because the initial dr. felt that a week was sufficient. I know i sound very resentful towards the dr, and I know i am probably misplacing my anger however I feel that sometimes dr. forget that we are human and although they are doing their job she seemed to forget at that time that she was dealing with a person who has sever anxiety( it was written in my chart and evident) but also she was dealing with a person that lost her child a child that for me was real and is real..
I have been broken since then the words of the dr. telling me the baby was gone. The feeling of loss. This child I had been carrying was more than just a baby it was a futur it was a representation of all the work I have done to make it to the point that I could have a baby it was years of trying and finally getting pregnant. In an instant that all was gone. I haven't left my home in almost 2 weeks aside from going to a dr. appointment I am struggling with sleeping and eating. I tried to call a helpline last night when things got a bit intense in my head and I was told by the man I spoke to that "c'Est des choses qui arrive" my translation would be " things happen" he spoke to me as if i lost a pair of keys. and that this baby was not really a baby that I saved myself a life with a disabled baby because essentially that is what miscarriage is to him, when the baby would be too sick or disabled to survive, I got upset unable to tell him that the person he was speaking too is herself limited physically. I feel at this time nothing helps, everything hurts. I don'T know what my expectations are with this post other than to vent to express my pain. my fear and my sadness.
sorry for the sadness.
ashley
These past 10 days have been horrible. I never thought something like this would happen I knew the risk but part of me felt safe. I was at just past 12 weeks we had heard the heart beat 2 weeks prior to this ultra sound and had saw the baby the monday at the ER and were told although the baby was small it was still alive but I was in a what they called at the time "threatened miscarriage." On friday the 28th we were informed that the baby had no longer any heartbeat. WE were told all the classic things that it wasn't my fault that I am 1 in 4 that, that there was nothing I could have done to prevent it. The dr. at the hospital that had informed us of this news and gave me my options pushed for a medical option rather than a surgical. Told us it would happen peacefully and painless because of the meds she gave me to control the pain. She lied, I ended up in the ER the next night needing pain meds plus and IV to hydrate me and eventually a blood transfusion because I was already anemic prior to the miscarriage. After spending a couple days in hospital I have been home for just over a week. I had to ask my psychiatrist to give me more time off because the initial dr. felt that a week was sufficient. I know i sound very resentful towards the dr, and I know i am probably misplacing my anger however I feel that sometimes dr. forget that we are human and although they are doing their job she seemed to forget at that time that she was dealing with a person who has sever anxiety( it was written in my chart and evident) but also she was dealing with a person that lost her child a child that for me was real and is real..
I have been broken since then the words of the dr. telling me the baby was gone. The feeling of loss. This child I had been carrying was more than just a baby it was a futur it was a representation of all the work I have done to make it to the point that I could have a baby it was years of trying and finally getting pregnant. In an instant that all was gone. I haven't left my home in almost 2 weeks aside from going to a dr. appointment I am struggling with sleeping and eating. I tried to call a helpline last night when things got a bit intense in my head and I was told by the man I spoke to that "c'Est des choses qui arrive" my translation would be " things happen" he spoke to me as if i lost a pair of keys. and that this baby was not really a baby that I saved myself a life with a disabled baby because essentially that is what miscarriage is to him, when the baby would be too sick or disabled to survive, I got upset unable to tell him that the person he was speaking too is herself limited physically. I feel at this time nothing helps, everything hurts. I don'T know what my expectations are with this post other than to vent to express my pain. my fear and my sadness.
sorry for the sadness.
ashley
