David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Monica Seles Talks About Binge Eating
by Tara Parker-Pope, New York Times
April 24, 2009
Tennis great Monica Seles spent 178 weeks with a No. 1 ranking, but a bizarre stabbing in 1993 during a changeover in Hamburg, Germany, forced her to leave the game for two years. She eventually won the 1996 Australian Open, giving her a total of nine grand slam titles, but she never regained the form that had made her one of the most indomitable forces in tennis.
In her new book, Getting a Grip: On My Body, My Mind, My Self, Ms. Seles reveals that the biggest challenge she faced was a nine year struggle with binge eating. In addition to the trauma of the stabbing, the pressure to lose weight from well-meaning trainers and nutritionists and the emotional pain of losing her father to stomach cancer all fueled her eating disorder. I spoke with Ms. Seles this week about her struggle with binge eating and how she has maintained a healthy weight for the past five and a half years.
At what point did you realize you had an eating disorder?
After my stabbing I took two and a half years away from the sport. In that period I gained about 20 pounds. The No. 1 comment I heard was, ?She is so much bigger than she used to be.? Shortly after that my father died of stomach cancer. I gained another 15 or 20 pounds on top of that and found myself about 37 pounds heavier. I tried to hire nutritionists and trainers. I had trainers travel with me so I wouldn?t eat. I turned to food for comfort. Food became my best friend. When emotionally I got down, depressed and had anxiety, I found comfort in food.
I got every single diet book out there. Every New Year I would make my New Year?s resolution. ?I?ll lose my 30 pounds. I?ll be a stronger tennis player, a happier person.? I would lose the weight and I would gain the weight. I knew it was unhealthy what I was doing to myself.
So why do you think quitting tennis, with all the exercise and discipline of the sport, finally changed things for you?
At the age of 30 I had to stop playing tennis because my foot was in a cast for three months. I thought, ?Oh my god, I?m going to gain more weight.? It scared me. I knew I was very unhappy. When I looked in the mirror, it was not the Monica I wanted to see. My eating was out of control. I was playing tennis five hours a day and I was still 37 pounds heavy. It shows exercise alone is not going to get you to the right weight. I was eating because I was very unhappy, and I didn?t want to see it.
For the first time since I had this problem, I got rid of all the trainers, coaches and nutritionists. I wasn?t playing tennis, so there was no need to pay for them. I knew what I needed to do. My big ?Wow? moment came when I looked at myself and thought, ?You tried to look for answers on the outside. You hired the best trainers. You could buy yourself all these books. You know what you need to do, but you can?t do it because your emotions are so wacked.? I realized I needed to figure out my emotions.
Why do you think getting rid of the experts was the first step in helping you solve your problem?
I had to throw out the word diet. I love food. That?s who I am. I enjoy a good meal. I?ve got to accept who I am. I?ve had enough of people telling me what to do. I had to do this one thing for myself, not for my mother, for the media or for my career.
I threw out every single diet notion I?d learned. I allowed myself to eat every single food group. My extreme cravings went away. I allowed myself to have cookies or pasta. I stopped dieting and I started living life. That?s how I lost 37 pounds.
You talk about making small changes to gain control of the eating binges. What were some of those changes?
I love to walk. Everybody told me walking was a waste of time. I started walking half an hour because my foot was in a cast. I started slowly, but now I walk seven days a week every week for maybe an hour or maybe just 45 minutes. And I put pasta and bread back into my life. In the beginning I would struggle. I?d say, ?let me just go for a walk? and slowly shift my mind. It took my mind off of that intense pressure I felt that I needed to eat right away to calm me down.
How did you eventually work through your emotional problems? Did you seek professional help?
I did see psychologists right after the stabbing. But I knew what I needed to do. I journaled a lot. It helped me to put my own thoughts on paper. There were times I needed to run into the kitchen and go back to old habits. I read some of my old journals, it helped me to realize I don?t want to go back there. I?m really big on journaling. I think it?s helped me tremendously. I needed to stop my love-hate relationship with food and just have a love relationship with it. After that I could have a love relationship with my body. Food is something I enjoy. I don?t beat myself up over it.
by Tara Parker-Pope, New York Times
April 24, 2009
Tennis great Monica Seles spent 178 weeks with a No. 1 ranking, but a bizarre stabbing in 1993 during a changeover in Hamburg, Germany, forced her to leave the game for two years. She eventually won the 1996 Australian Open, giving her a total of nine grand slam titles, but she never regained the form that had made her one of the most indomitable forces in tennis.
In her new book, Getting a Grip: On My Body, My Mind, My Self, Ms. Seles reveals that the biggest challenge she faced was a nine year struggle with binge eating. In addition to the trauma of the stabbing, the pressure to lose weight from well-meaning trainers and nutritionists and the emotional pain of losing her father to stomach cancer all fueled her eating disorder. I spoke with Ms. Seles this week about her struggle with binge eating and how she has maintained a healthy weight for the past five and a half years.
At what point did you realize you had an eating disorder?
After my stabbing I took two and a half years away from the sport. In that period I gained about 20 pounds. The No. 1 comment I heard was, ?She is so much bigger than she used to be.? Shortly after that my father died of stomach cancer. I gained another 15 or 20 pounds on top of that and found myself about 37 pounds heavier. I tried to hire nutritionists and trainers. I had trainers travel with me so I wouldn?t eat. I turned to food for comfort. Food became my best friend. When emotionally I got down, depressed and had anxiety, I found comfort in food.
I got every single diet book out there. Every New Year I would make my New Year?s resolution. ?I?ll lose my 30 pounds. I?ll be a stronger tennis player, a happier person.? I would lose the weight and I would gain the weight. I knew it was unhealthy what I was doing to myself.
So why do you think quitting tennis, with all the exercise and discipline of the sport, finally changed things for you?
At the age of 30 I had to stop playing tennis because my foot was in a cast for three months. I thought, ?Oh my god, I?m going to gain more weight.? It scared me. I knew I was very unhappy. When I looked in the mirror, it was not the Monica I wanted to see. My eating was out of control. I was playing tennis five hours a day and I was still 37 pounds heavy. It shows exercise alone is not going to get you to the right weight. I was eating because I was very unhappy, and I didn?t want to see it.
For the first time since I had this problem, I got rid of all the trainers, coaches and nutritionists. I wasn?t playing tennis, so there was no need to pay for them. I knew what I needed to do. My big ?Wow? moment came when I looked at myself and thought, ?You tried to look for answers on the outside. You hired the best trainers. You could buy yourself all these books. You know what you need to do, but you can?t do it because your emotions are so wacked.? I realized I needed to figure out my emotions.
Why do you think getting rid of the experts was the first step in helping you solve your problem?
I had to throw out the word diet. I love food. That?s who I am. I enjoy a good meal. I?ve got to accept who I am. I?ve had enough of people telling me what to do. I had to do this one thing for myself, not for my mother, for the media or for my career.
I threw out every single diet notion I?d learned. I allowed myself to eat every single food group. My extreme cravings went away. I allowed myself to have cookies or pasta. I stopped dieting and I started living life. That?s how I lost 37 pounds.
You talk about making small changes to gain control of the eating binges. What were some of those changes?
I love to walk. Everybody told me walking was a waste of time. I started walking half an hour because my foot was in a cast. I started slowly, but now I walk seven days a week every week for maybe an hour or maybe just 45 minutes. And I put pasta and bread back into my life. In the beginning I would struggle. I?d say, ?let me just go for a walk? and slowly shift my mind. It took my mind off of that intense pressure I felt that I needed to eat right away to calm me down.
How did you eventually work through your emotional problems? Did you seek professional help?
I did see psychologists right after the stabbing. But I knew what I needed to do. I journaled a lot. It helped me to put my own thoughts on paper. There were times I needed to run into the kitchen and go back to old habits. I read some of my old journals, it helped me to realize I don?t want to go back there. I?m really big on journaling. I think it?s helped me tremendously. I needed to stop my love-hate relationship with food and just have a love relationship with it. After that I could have a love relationship with my body. Food is something I enjoy. I don?t beat myself up over it.
