Crazy Cat
Member
I'm warning you now, its LONG. Sorry about that.
When I was around 13 years old, my brother-in-law molested me.
I was babysitting for my sister & him for their 3 yr old and 1 year old kids. I slept on the couch. They came in around 3am & went upstairs to bed. A little while later, "Bob" came back down & started tickling me, etc. Asking questions you don't normally ask a 13 year old.
I told my sister and she said she'd speak with him. Later, she said that explained that he thought I was her because he was tired & drunk. She bought it, hook, line & sinker. Then he got hold of me and threatened to hurt my sister and the baby if I ever said anything to anyone again. (NOTE: It was not long before that time that he had hit my sister and knocked her tooth out). So....her husband hit her and molested her little sister and she STILL stayed with him!
The tickling, touching, trying to get me take my clothes off, etc went on until I was about 15. Then after that he would grab my ass behind my parent's back and when he got the chance he'd tell me how much he wanted to "f" me. I only told one of my sisters and she was actually witness to it once when I was around 17.
I was lucky enough that any time he started to get really bad, someone would show up and his plans would be ruined.
When I was in my late 30's I finally told my mother. We agreed to not tell my dad because we didn't want him in jail for murder. I actually regret this ALOT.
When I was around 40 I started to really think about the abuse and thinking that he thinks he got away with it. I wanted to say something to him, even if it was in private that I still remember what he did. My mother didn't want me to because she said "I'd ruin their marriage". What??!!?? I said HE ruined it, not me! But I didn't say anything anyway.
My mom passed away this past July. For some reason I'm really dwelling on this thing with "Bob". Could be because with the inheritance we'll be getting, I feel that he's being rewarded in a way....he's reaping the benefits. My sister, who was an alcoholic (and possibly still is) has been a thorn in the side of my brothers & sisters about the estate.
I have 7 brothers & sisters. We all agreed, except for "Bob's" wife (my sister) that we'd make arrangements for my oldest sister to purchase my mom's house and we'd split the proceeds from the sale of her house, which isn't worth as much as my mom's. This sister said she doesn't care what anyone does but she wants her full share. She wants to give her house to her son and use the money to buy a condo.
So I feel like "Bob" is benefiting from my mother's death. I actually think my sister was hoping my mom would die after hearing some things she had said in the hospital.
It took me 20 years to realize that what happened with this stupid b-i-l has
contributed to my personality disorder & depression. He had a hand in my life being miserable. AAAGGHHH!!!! It ****es me off so much!!!
Oh, and does my sister know it went on??? I have no idea but I'd be surprised if she didn't. Once when I was about 20 years old, again I was babysitting for them. My sister was in the shower and I was doing her dishes. "Bob" was trying to kiss me. I turned around with a HUGE knife and told him I'd cut him if he ever did it again. That was the last time. He never approached me again.
Thing is now, knowing I have "mental" disorders, my family believes that I would kill him if I had the chance. (Isn't it funny how some people have such convoluted views of mental illness?) I just want him to be miserable. I don't want him to think its all forgotten and no one knows. Actually, my entire family now knows (except for, I'm assuming, his wife), but not one person, not a one of them, helped me. Back when I was 17, I told my 2 brothers who always bragged they'd hurt anyone who bothered me. When I told them, they laughed and told me to stay away from him, like it was my fault.
In all honesty, part of the reason I didn't tell my father was that it was going to go one of two ways with him; either he'd kill "Bob" or he'd say I was asking for it. I was too afraid of the latter to say anything.
Anyone have any advice????
Adriane
When I was around 13 years old, my brother-in-law molested me.
I was babysitting for my sister & him for their 3 yr old and 1 year old kids. I slept on the couch. They came in around 3am & went upstairs to bed. A little while later, "Bob" came back down & started tickling me, etc. Asking questions you don't normally ask a 13 year old.
I told my sister and she said she'd speak with him. Later, she said that explained that he thought I was her because he was tired & drunk. She bought it, hook, line & sinker. Then he got hold of me and threatened to hurt my sister and the baby if I ever said anything to anyone again. (NOTE: It was not long before that time that he had hit my sister and knocked her tooth out). So....her husband hit her and molested her little sister and she STILL stayed with him!
The tickling, touching, trying to get me take my clothes off, etc went on until I was about 15. Then after that he would grab my ass behind my parent's back and when he got the chance he'd tell me how much he wanted to "f" me. I only told one of my sisters and she was actually witness to it once when I was around 17.
I was lucky enough that any time he started to get really bad, someone would show up and his plans would be ruined.
When I was in my late 30's I finally told my mother. We agreed to not tell my dad because we didn't want him in jail for murder. I actually regret this ALOT.
When I was around 40 I started to really think about the abuse and thinking that he thinks he got away with it. I wanted to say something to him, even if it was in private that I still remember what he did. My mother didn't want me to because she said "I'd ruin their marriage". What??!!?? I said HE ruined it, not me! But I didn't say anything anyway.
My mom passed away this past July. For some reason I'm really dwelling on this thing with "Bob". Could be because with the inheritance we'll be getting, I feel that he's being rewarded in a way....he's reaping the benefits. My sister, who was an alcoholic (and possibly still is) has been a thorn in the side of my brothers & sisters about the estate.
I have 7 brothers & sisters. We all agreed, except for "Bob's" wife (my sister) that we'd make arrangements for my oldest sister to purchase my mom's house and we'd split the proceeds from the sale of her house, which isn't worth as much as my mom's. This sister said she doesn't care what anyone does but she wants her full share. She wants to give her house to her son and use the money to buy a condo.
So I feel like "Bob" is benefiting from my mother's death. I actually think my sister was hoping my mom would die after hearing some things she had said in the hospital.
It took me 20 years to realize that what happened with this stupid b-i-l has
contributed to my personality disorder & depression. He had a hand in my life being miserable. AAAGGHHH!!!! It ****es me off so much!!!
Oh, and does my sister know it went on??? I have no idea but I'd be surprised if she didn't. Once when I was about 20 years old, again I was babysitting for them. My sister was in the shower and I was doing her dishes. "Bob" was trying to kiss me. I turned around with a HUGE knife and told him I'd cut him if he ever did it again. That was the last time. He never approached me again.
Thing is now, knowing I have "mental" disorders, my family believes that I would kill him if I had the chance. (Isn't it funny how some people have such convoluted views of mental illness?) I just want him to be miserable. I don't want him to think its all forgotten and no one knows. Actually, my entire family now knows (except for, I'm assuming, his wife), but not one person, not a one of them, helped me. Back when I was 17, I told my 2 brothers who always bragged they'd hurt anyone who bothered me. When I told them, they laughed and told me to stay away from him, like it was my fault.
In all honesty, part of the reason I didn't tell my father was that it was going to go one of two ways with him; either he'd kill "Bob" or he'd say I was asking for it. I was too afraid of the latter to say anything.
Anyone have any advice????
Adriane
