My body is unacceptable to me and all

[SilverRaven]

I hate the way I look...I use to be thin never thought myself pretty thou...even thou others told me so...but after having kids and taking several medications I am now obese by health standards..I have tried diets to no end..they dont work for me..I may lose ten pounds but gain it right back..although I never go higher anymore...I hate eating yet I pig out when someone makes something I really love or we go to a buffet which I tend to avoid when ever possible due to this...I hate looking at myself in the mirror yet I tend to stare at myself looking for more flaws and I usually find one or two....I hate looking at clothes cause I always look at the ones for the skinny girls the ones meant for the good looking ones...stores are not designed for the over weight and ugly ...so everything in them will not fit me...I obsess about my looks more than most things in my life...simply because I am always told I am fat and ugly and should lose weight...hey are you pregnant?...I am always told by my kids especially the one who obsesses about her own looks but then again she is pretty...both my girls are..I guess I gave them whatever I had and now I am left looking ragged and unworthy of a good compliment..I dont believe anyone when they say I am beautiful because I do not see that person...I tend not to eat for days simply because I lose my appitite...I have gone my whole life being teased and ridiculed about my looks so yeah I believe them...I don't like goin out to stores especially malls or any that sell clothes as I always get stares and people whisper about me..I am sick of being me...I would cut out every flaw if I could afford it but I think I would still be ugly...my face is pretty when it is covered in makeup and my hair is done..but I dont have the energy to do that everyday....I dont' like me and I dont like how I look

 

[annalease]

I think that even if you were Skinny you would still feel This way, I did/do and i am a small person The fact of the Matter is Eventually we have to look at ourselves in the mirror and except who we are and just learn to be the best we can be in our own Skin. we have to stop wanting to be like everyone else we have to Love our selves instead of standing in front of the mirror looking for flaws why not stand in front of the mirror and find 2 things we like every day and Over sea the flaws. Tell Your self you beautiful every day even if you don't feel it And keep doing it Until you feel it. Who cares what the Outside world Say's Everyone is different and i guarantee that there a lot of people who don't like everything they see in the mirror. every time you here a comment or you think someone is talking about you say whatever I'm beautiful.

I know there have been time when i thought people were talking about me but it turns out i was just being paranoid.

 

[SilverRaven]

no I didnt like me when i was thin either ...but i could at least wear clothes that I liked...but I cant now...I tried telling myself I am pretty but I guess my self esteem is bad enough that i cut myself down afterwards...I just tell myself that I am who I am and if people dont like it they dont have to look....cuz I am gonna dress how I like when I like..just need to convince my brain that

 

[phoebe22]

I didnt like me when i was thin either ...but i could at least wear clothes that I liked

:yeahthat: !!

Exactly. My logical mind doesn't stand a chance against these feelings.

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[CarlaMarie]

I love to hate that freaking mirror. Oh my gosh, I obsess over my apearance. I grew up thinking I was so ugly. I have thick curly hair that my mother always cut it short. In fifth grade they called me FeFe the dog. I did not have a clue that I was pretty until I grew my hair out and turned 16 years old. Then I discovered boys. I also discovered how my "beauty" had some power. I could get these "needs" met in me that I had never known I had. I got attention and "love". I have been every weight from extremely under weight to obese (that really isn't hard to do if you are petite).

I notice how I react to what I am feeling on the outside by controlling how i look. I just do it. I can control how people notice me by how I dress, how I keep my hair, how fit and how confident I am. I know that about me. I can be self destructive in that way.

I am not looking my best right now. I don't want to. I don't want the attention. I'm having issues. I get in these shameful periods when I want to hide behind my weight, bad hair, and beat myself in the mirror. My bad.

 

[phoebe22]

I love to hate that freaking mirror. Oh my gosh, I obsess over my apearance. I grew up thinking I was so ugly. I have thick curly hair that my mother always cut it short. In fifth grade they called me FeFe the dog. I did not have a clue that I was pretty until I grew my hair out and turned 16 years old. Then I discovered boys. I also discovered how my "beauty" had some power. I could get these "needs" met in me that I had never known I had. I got attention and "love". I have been every weight from extremely under weight to obese (that really isn't hard to do if you are petite).

I notice how I react to what I am feeling on the outside by controlling how i look. I just do it. I can control how people notice me by how I dress, how I keep my hair, how fit and how confident I am. I know that about me. I can be self destructive in that way.

I am not looking my best right now. I don't want to. I don't want the attention. I'm having issues. I get in these shameful periods when I want to hide behind my weight, bad hair, and beat myself in the mirror. My bad.

Kids can sure be cruel, and those "Mom" haircuts are like a curse I think. Mine were always awful! I'd cry having to go to school after mine was done "trimming" my bangs or something. I felt sooooo ugly.

I feel about scales like you feel about mirrors, though I did notice a while ago that I don't look in the mirror very often; usually just enough to make sure the hair's not tooooo messy before I have to go out.

What gets me is that I used to be really pretty and never realized it

I've had people react to photos of me from when I was younger and I could just cry when I think of all the time I wasted hating my looks, figuring I stood out like a sore thumb. On the other hand, if I'd gotten a lot of reactions back then, I'd have run screaming. Crazy, wanting certain people (guys) to notice/like me while still staying invisible.
:wacko:

I dont know if maybe I'm just really clueless, but I've never been able to control how people react to me by my appearance unless I put on a lot of weight. Man, how to feel like you're not human in a big hurry! But often I've thought I looked awful and someone would compliment me. And vice-versa.

When I'm overweight and messy, I feel like everyone sees me, but if I'm thin and inconspicuously tidy, then it's like I blend in. So now I just try to keep my weight down (it's up and down a lot) and wear what's comfortable and clean. That way I'm less likely to get noticed and more likely to get not-noticed, if that makes any sense. I've always been pretty good at blending in, though, staying in the background. I have to make a real effort to be noticed, which I've always preferred to avoid. Can't hurt me if they can't see me


What scares me is that I think when I disconnect I get noticed more. I know I act different and that alone would make people notice, and back before I got sick (and old) I'd sometimes suddenly find myself in a public place, like dancing or something. I've been a dancer all my life so that makes things weird because I love to dance and I know I'm good but I don't want anyone to watch me dance. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that when I'm not around to stop myself, the first thing I'd do is something I love but wouldn't normally have the courage to do.

OMG I am SO not making any sense, am I? Been having a really hard day, really weird. Not scary-weird, just pain the neck weird.

Yeeps!

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