My most recent vacation troubles

[fauxname1990]

I’ll be blunt and just come right to the point; my mother, nephew and myself all just recently took a trip to Australia and I was very much looking forward to it to be honest. I wanted to make absolutely certain that I had the right amount of clothing, I took the chance to get in a quick shower, I even took the necessary precaution to pack my vitamins and prescribed medications. I thought that I could get through the trip without much issues, but, then, when we finally arrived at the Sydney Australia airport, and were having a little bit of trouble with our passports at first, my nephew and I were forced to go through a different type of process and that was when I noticed that my hat was missing and I tried to retrace my steps in order to find it, as my first instinct usually tends to be in those types of situations. Now, I did initially tell one of the guards that that was what I was initially trying to do, but when I did not find it at first and found out that my nephew had already found it for me, the initial reaction that I got from my mother afterwards was that my initial looking for my hat could have gotten me arrested, even though I could not see the whole situation as anything more than just me simply trying to retrieve my own property. I tried to not allow this to ruin my trip, but this still wore on my mind for the rest of the day and that was only day one, to be precise.

Based on what type of responses that this post gets, i’ll continue on with the rest of my vacation’s flaws

 

[forgetmenot]

With most vacations hun there will always be stress and mishaps i am glad you got your hat back and that you were able to carry on with your vacation. I hope for the most part it went well.

 

[fauxname1990]

The next day started out rather well; we were all up and atom, bright and early, I had a nice hotel pancake breakfast, and we were all on our way right towards the Sydney aquarium.

However, while all did seem well with the world at first, an unexpected photo op at the aquarium’s entrance somewhat caught me off guard and because I didn’t hear quite everything that the photographer was telling us to do, my mother ended up having a little bit of a joke with me as a result of that. Now, while I was willing to let that one slide, the rest of the tour felt a tad bit more frustrating to be completely honest. For one thing, the whole trip felt a tad bit rushed to me at times, it felt like I was barely getting enough time to take my pictures or to properly savor my surroundings and location, and to make matters even more frustrating, my phone went dead before I could get any more pictures for myself.

Our next tourist spot was the Sydney Eye Tower, but not only was my photo still down and thus I couldn’t take any more snapshots whilst I was there, but, a short while prior; my mother and I got into yet another spat over how she asked me to get something very important out of her backpack and how I couldn’t find it and/or get to it right away. She later asked me if I was mad at her and I said no, because I don’t really think that I was mad per se, rather frustrated that we had yet another conflict like that yet again. Anyways, back to the Sydney eye tower; because I couldn’t take any more pictures whilst I was there and because i once again felt that I was being rushed through things, I wasn’t fully capable of enjoying the experience as a whole as much as I would have liked, which was upsetting because I did take some pleasure out of being there.

 

[forgetmenot]

I think that it is not important to take so many pictures but to enjoy the surrounding without all the technology just enjoy it and keep that picture inside your mind to forever enjoy. I never traveled really you are so lucky to be able to see other parts of the world. I hope whatever enjoyment you got from the trip you are able to internalize it and keep it with you. No picture can do that as well as you can.

 

[fauxname1990]

The very next day right after that started out rather well as well; everyone was ready to go and pretty soon our tour bus was ready for us to get onto. However, I initially first thought that the bus was just a means to get us to a dinner cruise that was planned for that day, one that I guess I just assumed was going to be the only activity for the day. Turns out we were all onboard a tour bus group first, but, because I was still originally under the assumption that we were just on our way to a cruise boat, and because the driver/tour guide had told us that we were still awaiting a few more people and told us to take advantage of this time by getting some more sleep, I ended up doing just that, only for my mother to awaken me and tell me that we weren’t paying for this bus so that I could sleep, that was when I realized that we were on a tour bus. I’m not really sure if I heard all of the stuff that was being said during this tour and for a few times during it, I even felt a bit rushed yet again. And then finally, when we arrived on the Australian cruise boat for lunch, I found that the food selection was a tad bit too exotic for me to try and I didn’t want to waste food, so I mostly just ate bread. My mother took note of my slim selection and even stated that I was going to starve, although she did let me sample at least two pieces of her own selection.

 

[Daniel E.]

Since you mentioned in a previous thread you have OCD, it is possible that all-or-nothing thinking and other styles of ruminating have made things seem worse or more difficult to cope with:

Key Cognitive Errors in OCD

OCD is Fake News

Interview with Jeff Bell

 

[Daniel E.]

For example:

Acting from single perspective

Lots of attention biases in OCD -- by focussing on threat relevant cues they are unable to attend to information that will disconfirm their fears.

Usually we are attached to a single perspective and trying to control it -- instead of allowing life to unfold. (Watching the closed door instead of seeing the one that opened).

Bound to thinking by rules, should’s, have to.

Being mindful is to question these rules, break the rules and doing things differently.

Changing the way we perceive OCD and anxiety, questioning the importance of thoughts -- thoughts are not facts but mind events.

Key Cognitive Errors in OCD

 

[Daniel E.]

A similar theme of disappointment/perfectionism:

My Best Laid Plans for the Holidays Have Gone Astray

In that thread, you rated your Halloween experience as 7 or 8 (out of 10), but it still didn't feel good enough. That reminds me of something in the literature on OCD called just not right experiences.

 

[fauxname1990]

I am only interested in being able to look back upon such rare events such as this vacation in particular with more positive light than negative, but the negatives always seem to take priority in my mind.

 

[Daniel E.]

If they are so rare, does it even matter how you see/process them? Or can you not let it go? (just like you can't let go of other things ?)

 

[GaryQ]

Hi, my posts have a tendency sometimes, like me, of being long winded so for that i apologize in advance.

I think forgetmenot and Daniel raised some important questions for you to reflect upon. The best example would seem that rather than accepting the possibility of distorted expectations that the experience should have proceeded a specific way you seem to need to defend your point of view and stand your ground. I don’t feel this will be helpful for you in any way.

Each time I do it I realize (long after the fact) that my response is exactly the same thing that caused my initial disappointment with something or someone. Although I am unable and unwilling to accept that certain things are not black and white like good or bad, right and wrong, and illegal and illegal. Those things to me will always be black and white and no desire to let anything change my perspective on those matters. Unfortunately this same black and white thinking still reflects on everything in life and well life ain’t black and white. If it was we wouldn’t have beautiful colors to want to take pictures of.

The points (and references) Daniel raised have come up a few times lately in public and some private discussions. I never even realized that this way of thinking was probably caused by my OCD but until I found out what Tourette Syndrome really was I thought I just had allergies and nervous tics. Well guess what? Yes, I was way wrong and the same thing now goes with me having to realize OCD is not just checking 10 times if my wallet is in my pocket or checking constantly if I didn’t lose my keys when I’m out. Seems there a lot regarding OCD that I need to learn about in order to be able to understand why I react pretty much the same as you did regarding this trip and this thread. It’s harder that it seems to realize and accept that maybe it’s just my mind that distorts my perception of many situations. Especially the ones that don’t go my way. I have a lot to learn on many of my other neuropsychiatric disorders. It’s hard to accept and digest some times. But that’s life.

Its like mindfulness I don’t understand much about it except maybe learning to stop and smell the flowers without worrying wether some bee or wasp might sting my nose. If it happens should I say don’t smell the flowers anymore you will get stung? No I have to learn to tell myself stop and smell the flowers but take a moment to make sure your not scaring some poor bee by sticking your huge nose in his little face. This is some of the hard lessons I’m currently confronted with. The hardest is accepting that my thinking has a good chance of being distorted by my OCD and other issues alone or combined.

In 2012 when I left my 2nd wife for good I literally put every real picture i had all the way back to my early childhood through the shredder. Then I went through my computers and deleted ever picture and video even of my past performances anything that had to do with my past. I wanted nothing to be able to remind me of anything regarding my past and all my family, everything I found I deleted. But you know they’re still all etched in my mind. Simply because my past was a failure (based on my distorted black and white thinking) and did not need to be reminded of everything I screwed up and lost.

There are a few special pics posted in the following thread that were spared my stupidity on a backup drive of my trip in 2008. But you know even if I took about 4000 pictures across Canada it’s just a tiny sample of the amazing things I saw on that trip that are etched in my mind. If I didn’t have a backup of them then they would all still be in memory and if my memory fails one day chances are even if i have them I might not remember being there and taking them so not much different if I forget I saw them.

Here’s the thread in question if you would like to have a look.

https://forum.psychlinks.ca/showthr...Canada-Trip-2008-(Some-of-my-nicest-pictures)

 

[gooblax]

Hi fauxname1990.

That's awesome that you got to visit Australia! I live there, and used to live in Sydney although I never actually went to the aquarium and it's been a long time since I went up the the Sydney Eye (so long, in fact, that it was called Centrepoint Tower at the time).

I'd like to offer up an additional perspective, and I apologise that this will also be long but I hope that you get something out of it.

I'm a person who often notices things going wrong or becoming complicated (as the others on the forum can attest). One (or more) may even say that I'm a little like Mr Bean, where a sticky situation arises and despite his best efforts as he tries to fix it he just ends up making it stickier.
I'm also a person who has anxiety, so those sticky situations make me feel pretty stressed out when they're happening. But what helps me to move on from those moments rather than ruminate about them and let them spoil my day/week/trip etc. is to vent about them to someone who will acknowledge the difficulty/absurdity/stickiness (i.e. this forum) and to try and find the funny side.

Things that go wrong often make the 'story' of an experience all the more memorable and entertaining in hindsight. I'm not sure how much fiction you read/watch, but you've probably noticed that a good plot always involves some kind of challenge that the hero overcomes. A story where everything goes perfectly is pretty boring and unmemorable, not to mention unrealistic. Problems happen in all types of stories, and it's up to each hero to overcome the ones that they face in order to advance the plot, grow as a character, learn from previous situations, and come out the other side. In your story, you are that hero.

As the hero of your own story, you unfortunately don't get to choose whether difficulties arise or what sort of problems come up. But you do get to choose how you deal with them and what sort of story you tell yourself about what you experienced.

For myself it's a comedy. E.g. (quote added for formatting clarity because this post is getting huge)

Earlier in the year I visited a temple. I had to take my shoes off to visit the temple and I was a little bit worried about someone stealing my shoes and making me pay extra to get them back due to the poverty in that area. I'm not a spiritual person but it was very serene, calming and interesting as I walked around the path and I soon forgot about the shoe thing... Until the path became partly submerged under water as it took us around a fountain. I was still wearing socks and it wasn't really appropriate to take them off then-and-there. They got completely soaked. I tried to dry them on the hot stone path as I walked around and 'serenely' left wet sock prints everywhere I stepped.
Thankfully I had brought along another pair of socks to change into, because I also like to be prepared. I returned to my shoes which were still there, changed my socks, and all good. Yet three months later I lost my shoes in a completely random way with no explanation on how or why or where they could have gone.

I remember my wet socks around the fountain better than anything else at the temple that went to plan. I remember the coincidence of losing my shoes when I was least worried about it, better than any time I found something I'd been looking for. And to me both of those experiences are now funny. They're something I can talk about to someone, and mishaps that other people can relate to. They make my story more interesting for me and for anyone I choose to tell it to. So while I still remember the things that went wrong, they're not bad memories at all because of how I've chosen to write them into my story.

If you're interested in looking into the idea of 'being a hero in your own story' I'd recommend looking up "hero's journey" (e.g. https://www.rewireme.com/wellness/embracing-heros-journey/). In the meantime (if you've made it this far through the post) can you think of any way you'd like to reframe the things that went wrong during your vacation? Maybe as a personal lesson or learning experience, or as a scene in a cartoon, comedy, action movie? If your brain is going to remember the event anyway, you might as well see if there's a way to give it a positive spin.

 

[Daniel E.]

And there are also more general things you can do like physical exercise that can help the underlying anxiety. I already exercise a good amount but exercising more than my usual helps me when I am more anxious.

Most people with anxiety or depression underestimate the amount of effort required to even maintain good mental health.

 

[fauxname1990]

For the sake of trying to enjoy Halloween, as well as everything else and every other holiday leading up to this point, I held off on continuing on with this for a while, but now, I feel like I have more to talk about

The very next day right after that bus tour, my family and I went off on yet another bus tour of sorts. This time it was one that was on its way to the Blue mountains and from what I am currently able to remember, the day started out pretty okay, there was even a certain period of time when I was able to go back to sleep for little bit. But, once we made our first stop at certain area and my mother, nephew and I all started to head near a simple market, I took notice of a candy store that was very close by and asked if I could just head over there while my mother and nephew both went inside the market. We were all already well-aware of the candy store that was there nearby, but right after my mother heard my question, she basically snapped at me for not waiting or something like that, I don’t remember her exact words at the moment, but I do remember that it seemed so very much like a really needlessly hostile response when a simple yes or no would have sufficed, I even ended up muttering to myself for a while during our time within the store, all of the way up until I started to mellow out and even bought a donut. Anyways, things did seem to mellow out for me as far as the tour was concerned, I even enjoyed what was happening during it all. However there was a point where my feelings of being rushed actually started to kick in again and I did still feel the need to express how I was feeling to my mother via a text message just the same. But before I could even get to that point, one of the final stops for the tour was an Australian zoo. Now this was one of the events that I was looking forward to the most for this trip; finally, I was actually going see some actual authentic Australian wildlife up close. I was so excited in fact that I even politely forced my way towards a wombat’s exhibit in order to get a picture of it, keep in mind that I did say “excuse me” and “pardon me” during this point. However, this still resulted in my mother ‘politely’ giving me a lecture about not pushing people out of the way and waiting my turn, but I still tried to enjoy myself, even though that altercation was definitely something that I wanted to include in my text message. Anyhow, I continued to try and take more pictures of the animals within the zoo and basically enjoy myself in general, but then my phone ran out of space and I had to delete a few things in order to make more room. It all only did so much, however, and I was forced to use my mother’s cellphone in order to take more pictures. I tried to still enjoy myself regardless, but that one particular setback just rubbed me the wrong way and I silently dwelled upon it to myself. Then, at a certain point later, my mother started to get a bit cynical towards me for wanting to see something that she tried to tell me about earlier. Anyways, the issues of my phone’s lack of space kept me occupied for a bit on the way back to the hotel, but when all that was left for us to do was find a taxi driver, I took the opportunity to actually get some ice cream and that made me feel pretty good. And what was even more so, since we were going to go to another zoo the following day, I saw that as an opportunity to get a second chance at seeing some more Australian animals. However, things started to get a bit uglier later on

 

[GaryQ]

Just a thought... Ever thought of maybe changing trip companions? Seems more like getting teeth pulled than an enjoyable adventure