New from Australia

[Miss Paynter]

Hi everyone. This morning whilst wondering (and stressing if I'm honest) about my relationship with a man who suffers anxiety and
depression, I googled some info and came across this site.

The first thing I read was from a woman married to a man suffering the same symptoms and it reflected exactly what I'm dealing with. It was like looking into a mirror. The terrible mood swings, irritability, mean behaviour that can rise up at any time. Like this lady, I too live on eggshells and exhaust myself trying to make his world less stressful. I do all the household work, almost scared to ask him now to contribute.

I wonder sometimes if my capabilities overshadow his deficiencies, making him feel worse. The more I compensate, the less he does and yet I cannot have our home look like a hovel. I would be embarrassed for my sons, now in their early 20's to see me living in sub standard conditions. He is seeing a therapist which has helped and he has accepted the diagnosis but refuses any kind of medication which I feel he desperately needs.

Like the lady who wrote about her own situation, my partner can be a beautiful and generous man, loving and kind. People say we are such a great couple, they don't know how much we struggle privately. You fear telling people and having them judge someone you love I guess.

Right now, I am financially vulnerable, studying until mid year when I hope to secure employment with my new qualifications. He has been supporting me through this but if I was honest, I wish I'd never undertaken to give up my job for this course because now I feel quite trapped and worried.

I really want to leave.

 

[Retired]

Welcome to Psychlinks! We hope you will find the information and support you seek.

he has accepted the diagnosis but refuses any kind of medication which I feel he desperately needs.

What are his reservations about combining the medications he needs in combination with his therapy?

Has couples therapy ever been considered to address the issues in your relationship?

 

[Miss Paynter]

Hey Steve, your quick response is very welcome. For some reason medication holds some fear for him. He is worried about the side effects, the stigma I suppose. I haven't mentioned that I have some experience with anxiety from a personal perspective and find a light dose of prescription medication helps me enormously. Whilst his condition is much worse and no two people are the same, I have gently tried to show my own example as very workable. He is so resistant. I would like couples therapy and wonder if the therapist he uses could be engaged in this way or would it show a conflict of interest? He is not unwilling to go down this path or at least that's what he tells me. Appreciate your perspective Steve

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Meds are so hard to except it is like admitting to one self that they are weak and cannot function on their own.

I too had great difficulities accepting the medication but with my therapist help he got me to see if i wanted out of the sadness anxiety pain i needed the meds
It was my choice always and i hope in time your husband therapist can get him to see as well that taking medication is a sign of strength really
It shows you will do everything in your power to get that old you back maybe even a better you.
Lets hope his therapist can help him see that.

In the mean time i too think you need help for YOU to stay stable perhaps someone to talk to to release your worries and thoughts too.

 

[Miss Paynter]

Thanks Eclipse, yes I agree, I'm pretty upset about things and need some perspective from someone professional too. It's too hard on your own. Forums like this are so beneficial too. You realise you're not alone. Agree about the meds. I'm sure this is his perspective too, fear of seeming weak. I'm going to call my doc, see if I can get a referral to someone for me. Thanks

 

[AmZ]

Welcome

 

[Cat Dancer]

Welcome to Psychlinks!

 

[Retired]

For some reason medication holds some fear for him. He is worried about the side effects, the stigma

• Stigma: No one has to know he's taking medications. It's not someothing one would broadcast, and furthermore it's no one's business except the doctor, patient and pharmacist.
• Side Effects: True, no medication is 100% side effect free; however medications that are in use have side effect profiles that allow thm to be tolerated by the majority of people. If they would not, they would not be prescribed. Every class of meds usually has several options, so if one compound is not tolerated, the doctor has other choices to prescribe.
• Effectiveness: Choosing any kind of therapy is a benefits vs risks proposition. In most cases the use of a medication combined with appropriate supportive psychotherapy for mood disorders provides the best outcome with minimal risk (as meds can be changed and/or modified as needed.

Our bodies are essentially electro-chemical functionaing organisms, and mood disorders are physical illnesses thought to be caused by chemical imbalances within the brain chemistry.

If his doctor prescribed a medication to control lipids, relieve angina, retore the imbalance of a thyroid condition, reduce high blood pressure, would his resistance be the same, I wonder?

Medications rationally prescribed should restore those imbalances in brain chemistry, and when combined with supportive therapy can lead to improvement of symptoms and improvement in quality of life.

The goal, after all is to restore quality of life, relief of symptoms which might ultimately heal your injured relationship.

 

[Miss Paynter]

Hey Steve,

All excellent points which I have made to him. He does take other medication for his health willingly and yet, this journey is just something he will barely discuss, let alone approach with an open mind.

I think the notion that some/most of these drugs cause a degree of sexual dysfunction is at the heart of the issue. Difficult enough for this particular man to accept that he has this condition (and to allow the thought that it's contributed to the dissolution of so many of his family relationships), but to also have his manliness compromised if he embarks on medication. His thoughts, not mine. I must say though, he is new to all this and whilst I'm grinding my teeth, especially when he has an 'incident', he has come along relatively willingly thus far. I will try to be more patient with him, chip away at it as I can.

I've given myself a period of 4 -5 months before I hang up my towel and go home. In that time frame I will either see and contribute to significant progress or admit that the condition is beyond me and move out. I'm lucky that unlike some, I'm not in a dangerous situation. It's not always pleasant but from the posts I see here, in perspective it's not as harsh a terrain as some are travelling.

Watch this space, I'm gaining control of the situation again. I realise that I can only change myself to a large extent. I will help him but not at my own cost. It's a beautifully, sunny Autumn (Fall) day here in Melbourne and life is for living.

Miss P

---------- Post added at 10:51 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:49 AM ----------

Cheers AmZ and hello to you on this bright sunny day in Melbourne.

---------- Post added at 10:52 AM ---------- Previous post was at 10:51 AM ----------

Thanks Cat Dancer. Nice to be here and meet so many interesting people>

 

[Retired]

notion that some/most of these drugs cause a degree of sexual dysfunction is at the heart of the issue

According to published data in product monographs for SSRI's the occurance of sexual related side effects is reported in less than 5% of people and usually at higher doses, if indeed he happens to be prescribed a medication from this group.

As mentioned earlier, it's always a benefits vs risk proposition...if the opportunity for relief of symptoms outweighs the relatively small chance of experiencing temporary sexual side effects, the choice might seem to be obvious.

 

[Daniel E.]

Also, SSRIs are sometimes prescribed to help with sexual problems, namely premature ejaculation.

Adding the antidepressant Wellbutrin can help if there are sexual side effects.

And loss of libido is one of the possible symptoms of untreated depression.