New here and struggling

[Daniel E.]

I'll have to go inpatient if we cant find me treatment soon because I'll have to go through a refeeding treatment.

At least here in the US, it seems it is still much easier to get insurance to approve 24/7 inpatient hospitalization rather than partial hospitalization.

 

[Daniel E.]

So I am really trying but the panic attacks, anxiety, and being told what a stupid inadequate freak I am every day just is really getting to me.

So maybe inpatient could be better than partial hospitalization in a way since you would be away from your family stressors?

And, of course, it can be harder to cope with anything while not having enough nutrition.

From another thread:

There are excellent hospitals out there and compassionate doctors and nurses that want to help you heal. Take this opportunity to get the support that you deserve. If you are going in on a volunteer basis then no threats of keeping you against your will right. You therapist and doctor sees that you need help now why not trust them and get in while there is a bed available. Sometimes one has to just reach out and take the help that is offered to them and trust...

 

[AshesToAshes]

Running that much seems dangerous at the moment even if I’m no expert!

It is but I'm trying to cut back but I have the subtype of anorexia that I compulsively exercise. So it's hard to stop.

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[AshesToAshes]

So maybe inpatient could be better than partial hospitalization in a way since you would be away from your family stressors?

And, of course, it can be harder to cope with anything while not having enough nutrition.

From another thread:

The problem with inpatient is I'm terrified of the lack of control. There is an partial here that provides housing and transportation for patients.

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[Daniel E.]

Re: compulsive exercise

I am not familiar with anorexia but have OCD. In general with compulsions, a popular strategy is to delay, even just 5 minutes at a time. Like a positive form of procrastination. It is made easier (or less difficult) when not taking anxious thoughts at face value and having some positive tasks to focus on instead.

In other words, "baby steps" to behavioral progress, made easier or more bearable with cognitive strategies.

There is also the tough love but very validating approach of DBT. Getting out of hell can feel like hell in itself but it is worth it, made easier/possible with distress tolerance techniques like distraction.

 

[Daniel E.]

The problem with inpatient is I'm terrified of the lack of control. There is an partial here that provides housing and transportation for patients.

When do you see your GP/doctor again?

 

[AshesToAshes]

When do you see your GP/doctor again?

November 15th unless my therapist thinks I'm too critical and need sooner. But the apt on November 15th is to sit down with both my gp and therapist to look at lab work results and choose the next step. But they are giving me a lot of control over how the process goes because I was the one who came to my therapist and told her what treatment plan options I'm open to and explained that i need a more intensive treatment plan than therapy once a week. So I've been very involved and very adamant about ensuring they can help me get the help I need. My only rule was/is that inpatient hospitalization is not an option because I would feel too out of control. I explained that if in inpatient i know i would do what was required to get out or check out ama and then I would be less likely to feel able to seek treatment in the future. My therapist actually felt I was right and inpatient could cause me to feel so out of control that I would likely to quit all therapy and treatment entirely.

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[AshesToAshes]

When do you see your GP/doctor again?

I also have taken steps to prove to my therapist that I will not hide things from her about my disordered relationship with food as long as she allows me to maintain some control and have a say in my treatment plan.

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[GaryQ]

I totally understand your fear in being admitted and I don’t know how it works in the states but here when I went and had myself admitted at my docs request for a week once they treated my like a 2 year old and threats galore of things like removal of my going out for a cigarette. A condition I had requested the the psychiatrist had agreed to.

Its good to know that you are seeking help and being honest with your therapist and knowing what would not be beneficial is good. Stand firm but remain flexible

I’d be afraid of being bitten by a rabbit. They got big sharp teeth! Did the mistake of following the masses when I was 8 or so and got a pet mouse... of course it bit me finger pretty hard! That was A very short episode lol

my idea of running is: Why you running? Is someone chasing you?

 

[Daniel E.]

BTW, even without anorexia, running too much -- like more than 25 miles a week -- can be harmful:



Source: Amazon.com: The Truth About Exercise Addiction: Understanding the Dark Side of Thinspiration (9781442233294): Katherine Schreiber, Heather A. Hausenblas: Books

 

[Daniel E.]

From the same book:

Though you might think exercise is the least harmful addictive behavior, the numerous physical and psychological consequences of the disorder are no insignificant matter. Physical tolls of overexercise include heart abnormalities (from arrhythmias to scarring and sudden cardiac arrest), bone fractures or breaks, muscle tears, ligament strains, hernias, dehydration and fatigue, heat exhaustion, and kidney failure. That doesn't even begin to account for long-term consequences, like a potentially reduced life expectancy due to chronic overexertion, higher susceptibility to arthritis and osteoporosis, along with temporary and prolonged infertility in women.

 

[Daniel E.]

Another book says a lot on the cover:

The Haywire Heart: How too much exercise can kill you, and what you can do to protect your heart

 

[AshesToAshes]

Another book says a lot on the cover:

The Haywire Heart: How too much exercise can kill you, and what you can do to protect your heart

That does scare me. And I know the exercise addiction plus the anorexia could kill me if I dont get help. And I'm forcing myself to ask for the help I know I need. I just cant even put it in words the thoughts and emotion inside me right now. I'm so exhausted by everything. I feel guilt & shame. I've never been this bad of a state in my entire life. And I feel like a complere moron for this and it makes me feel so vulnerable to say but atm I just wish someone could just hug and hold me and tell me that everything will be ok. I just cant keep feeling like this. It's too painful too exhausting. Idk I sound so stupid atm I'm sorry.

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[David Baxter PhD]

You’re not a moron. You don’t sound stupid at all.

You are just in a bad and difficult place right now. Most of us here have been there at one time or another. Some are still there.

You are doing what you need to do. You are seeking help and doing what you can right now. You don’t have to do everything at once. I think most of us understand what obsessive and compulsive behaviors are like - and eating disorders and orthorexia and anxiety and depression and feeling utterly overwhelmed - and we all know it’s not easy to change these things.

But it can be done. It’s really mostly about one step at a time and one day at a time and sometimes just one hour at a time. The important thing is that you don’t give up and that you keep trying to move forward. Small steps are fine. Sometimes that’s all you can manage.

Others have done it and you can do it too.

{hug}

 

[Daniel E.]

Also, arguably all mental disorders exist because -- to some degree -- they had some survival value at various places in human history. Anxiety disorders are a common example of too much of a good thing. A theory regarding anorexia:

https://www.apa.org/monitor/apr04/anorexia

Modern anorexia may stem from an adaptation that helped ancient nomadic people find food...

When food is scarce and starvation begins, most animals and people demonstrate intense hunger, low activity levels and a single-minded search for food. But, when starved, individuals with a genetic tendency toward anorexia feel sated, full of energy and unfazed by starvation--a set of symptoms described in the DSM-IV, says psychologist and Missoula, Mont. private practitioner Shan Guisinger, PhD, in an article published last year in Psychological Review (Vol. 110, No. 4).

The most important step in helping patients is getting their weight back to normal, which, she believes, will turn off their genetically programmed anorexic response. The hypothesis can serve as a basis for cognitive behavioral therapy and for enlisting the aid of loved ones to help keep body weight up, she adds.

"It doesn't make psychotherapy irrelevant, but it means that more than anything, people are going to need all the help they can get from their therapist, family, doctor and dietician to fight against their body's signals in, what is to them, a very unnatural way," she says.

 

[Daniel E.]

Another example, regarding autism:

Autism and human evolutionary success -- ScienceDaily

It is likely our ancestors would have had autism, with genetics suggesting the condition has a long evolutionary history...

Many would have played an important role in their social group because of their unique skills and talents...

Many people with autism have exceptional memory skills, heightened perception in realms of vision, taste and smell and enhanced understanding of natural systems such as animal behaviour.

The incorporation of some of these skills into a community would play a vital role in the development of specialists.

 

[GaryQ]

Thanks for that "get out of jail free card"
Doc: "Gary you need to get exercise"
me: " I know doc but with my OCD I'd be going all out and run too much which is as bad as not doing it... safer for my heart this way!"

P.S. @AshesToAshes we take things seriously but occasionally actually quite often LOL most of us can't resist joking around too when it's too tempting It's all in good fun. If a thread goes off topic or takes a funny twist it doesn't mean the original subject is not still extremely serious. And there's always a few slap and kick emoticons at your disposal should you ever like to retaliate to one of us clowns

 

[GaryQ]

I think David said it quite clearly.

You are not any of the things your mind is trying to make you believe . Otherwise you would not reach out as you are doing and would not have this strong determination to get better. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

And yes, all will be OK (might take a bit of time though but it will)

and as requested although not as great as the real thing but a big virtual hug too.

 

[AshesToAshes]

Thanks for that "get out of jail free card"
Doc: "Gary you need to get exercise"
me: " I know doc but with my OCD I'd be going all out and run too much which is as bad as not doing it... safer for my heart this way!"

P.S. @AshesToAshes we take things seriously but occasionally actually quite often LOL most of us can't resist joking around too when it's too tempting It's all in good fun. If a thread goes off topic or takes a funny twist it doesn't mean the original subject is not still extremely serious. And there's always a few slap and kick emoticons at your disposal should you ever like to retaliate to one of us clowns

Lol humor is my favorite coping mechanism! So no worries! And that sounds so much like the conversation I had with my therapist before she realized I had an eating disorder.

Me: I'm anxious
Therapist: what do you do to cope when you are anxious?
Me: I love to go running. I love the slight euphoria after.
Therapist: that's a very good coping mechanism. Thats the runners high. It can be a very healthy way to release stress.
Me(in my head): hmm... havent eaten in how long?... I dont think thats a runners high.

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[AshesToAshes]

I think David said it quite clearly.

You are not any of the things your mind is trying to make you believe . Otherwise you would not reach out as you are doing and would not have this strong determination to get better. Don’t let anyone tell you any differently.

And yes, all will be OK (might take a bit of time though but it will)

and as requested although not as great as the real thing but a big virtual hug too.

Thank you! Even virtual hugs help! I actually found a recovery accountability buddy too. We are creating diet plans to slowly increase calorie intake and going to vid chat while eating to help support and encourage eachother. I'm hoping it can work. I know some people have pro ed accountability buddies and that usually works to make them sicker so I'm hoping the recovery buddy idea will be equally successful (but in the truly healthy sense).

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