New Here... looking for support

[tribelina]

Hi. I was sent this link from someone on a different site. I'm from Ontario, Canada. I'm going through a great deal of personal crisis right now....oh I could write a novel. But for now I'll just say that I'm living in a verbally abusive marriage. We have 3 children. I've never been in such emotional pain in my life. I've tried to leave, but he takes my 2 youngest children away any time I bring up the idea of separation. I'm terrified of him and even more terrified that my children will become just like him.
I have a diagnosis of Sub-clinical PTSD, Depression and Anxiety. Taking things day by day.

 

[Retired]

Re: New Here...looking for support.

Hello Tribelina and welcome to Psychlinks!

Sorry to hear about your situation, and hopefully you might find the support and guidance you need to find safety and peace in your life.

Do you have access to a local womens' shelter in your area or legal representation? Are you currently working outside the home that can assist in your financial independence?

 

[tribelina]

Re: New Here...looking for support.

Hi Steve, thanks so much for your kind words. I do work outside of the home. I forgot to mention that I live in Ontario, Canada. I live in a very rural community and it's very difficult to access legal representation. I don't make enough/have enough money to afford to pay for a lawyer. I'm in the process of accessing some community supports (Family Law Clinic), but I have to wait until April 17th. Just over a week ago, my abusive husband took our two youngest children out of the home and told me that he was not going to bring them back unless I was gone. I left for 3 days. In that time, I did everything I could to find a way to get an emergency custody order. I was not successful. I returned to the home with my DD about a week ago. Nothing has been resolved and it is an incredible tense environment. Still looking for answers and a way to keep myself and my children safe. My back up plan is to take the children to a shelter (it's an hour away in a different community) until I can get an order. I'm also seeing an outreach counsellor from the shelter.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: New Here...looking for support.

OH hun i do hope you get help soon YOu take your children and you and get to that womens shelter okay You stay safe He sounds very cruel to have done that to you

 

[Miss Paynter]

Re: New Here...looking for support.

Hi from a beautiful day in Melbourne AustraliaTribelina,

Read your message with some sorrow, I wish I could offer some helpful information for you. I can only say, living in fear is such a terrible way to exist. It's important that you find a friend or relative with whom you feel safe to share this very important information. Somehow, in some way, a person will surface who will help you claim your life back - and that of your children who can't help but be affected and influenced by his behaviour.

Don't suffer in silence. Let people know and help will come.

My best to you for a peaceful and happer Easter.

Miss Paynter

 

[tribelina]

Thanks to everyone. I guess I should also mention that the primary reason I went back (aside from keeping my children safe) was because I'm recovering from a very serious knee injury. I had surgery in December and I'm essentially in the process of learning to walk again. He tried to use this against me, stating that I wasn't able to physically care for my children because I am still on crutches. Funny thing is that he leaves every night and leaves them in my care.
As I write my story, it seems so ridiculous that a person should endure so much all at once. I wish I could say I was making it all up. It gives credence to that saying "When it rains, it pours". Well it's been pouring for some time in my life now, and I could really do with some sunshine
I'm making arrangements to get the children into counselling services where I am hoping they can talk about the issues openly. I know that they will eventually disclose what has been going on, and then everything will be brought into the light. I know that Children's Services will get involved, and hopefully they will provide some support to me the next time I attempt to protect my children.

 

[JennyS]

It must feel overwhelming at times.

Assuming you cannot "move" yourself to get into a shelter or obtain the outside help that you need, self empowerment is needed and to do that communication about this issue, talking writing eventually will bring forth that will power than is necessary to bring in what is available.

The process is hard especially when there is no end in sight but shutting down and repressing the fear or hurt or anger will not change things.

 

[H011yHawkJ311yBean]

Hello tribelina,

I wish I could offer more support, but it sounds to me like you are doing the exact things that need to be done.

Wow, a physical injury on top of all this abuse and threats to take away your kids. That man is full of BS. He can't take full custody away from you without doing it legally or it's called kidnapping, is that not the case?

Have you told anything or made a report to the police? Or do you at least write down everyday what he's been doing? Either would help your case later. Documentation (and you can do it on a cell phone or computer on hotmail or gmail so it will be accessible anywhere, even if he takes your phone away: just make sure you log out of your email each and everytime and don't save the password whenever you enter your email... If you accidentally save your password, just retype and save a fake password...)...

 

[Andy]

Welcome to Psychlinks tribelina! :2thumbs: Sorry to hear of your circumstances. I hope you can find helpful information and great support here.

 

[Cat Dancer]

Welcome.

 

[tribelina]

Thanks everyone. I am getting stronger every day and I'm trying so hard to keep a positive perspective. The time it is taking to recover, is time that I can just be in the moment, see things clearly and understand that I have done EVERYTHING in my power to change things. I am documenting, partly for legal reasons, and mostly for my own mental health. He just twists everything and makes me feel like I'm crazy. I know I'm not crazy, and I know that this is all part of his illness. I do love him, but I'm not sure I like him anymore. The trust between us is broken, and I don't think I can ever get that back.