New to This Site

[annie1967]

Hello,

This is my first thread on here. I'm 48, married and have a son, a dog and 11 chickens. I live 7 hours away from my family. We moved north over 2 years ago and it's been a difficult transition. We live in an unfriendly community, I don't drive and I'm pretty isolated where we live. I am a full time housewife and recently had surgery that I'm trying to recupe from. Life has been very stressful and I'm grateful to have found this forum in hopes of getting advice, support and coping skills. I hope to make friends too and be there for others who are struggling with life issues. Thank you.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks Forum, Annie!

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Annie i understand how difficult it is when one moves to a new community It can be very lonely. Welcome to Psychlinks

 

[rdw]

Welcome to the forum Annie!

 

[HBas]

Welcome to the Forum Annie! You will always find someone that is willing to listen here

Hope you have a speedy recovery!

 

[Banned]

Welcome, Annie!

 

[Retired]

Hello Annie! Welcome to the Forum. Sorry to hear about your situation, and you can be assured we are here to be of help and support when you need it.

We live in an unfriendly community

What is it about that community that makes them unwelcoming? Do they not get newcomers frequently, or is their unfriendliness based on some form of discrimination?

Have you tried reaching out through one of the social or religious organizations?

I'm 48, married and have a son, a dog and 11 chickens.

What is your partner / spouse's role in the community? Have there been challenges for integrating for your spouse?

 

[GDPR]

Welcome Annie.

 

[annie1967]

Thank you David!

---------- Post Merged at 10:57 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:41 PM ----------

Hello Steve,

The community is unfriendly/unwelcoming because I have waved, tried making conversation when I see them, invited them to my home, tried contacting by phone; all to get the brush-off. I was told other newcomers are experiencing it too and have felt this way as well. I was also told by a stranger that had lived here one time that people were unfriendly. I continue to wave and speak to whoever I see. I am friendly and I won't stop being friendly but it still hurts. We've lived here for over 2 years and I haven't made 1 friend. I contacted the local community center and asked about starting a women's group to get women together and meet people. I was told I had to attend the meeting to ask. When I arrived I spoke to the 'President' and I said that I had some ideas. He seemed to havenot heard me because I was never given the opportunity during the meeting to suggest my idea. My husband is gone 12 hour days working. He is content not to integrate with anyone here, he loves solitude and he's not into anything social. I don't want to just live here, I want to be a part of the town. I have never struggled or had to work so hard before at making friends.

---------- Post Merged at 11:01 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 10:57 PM ----------

Thank you for your message. Yes, it can be very lonely. My poor hubby gets all my conversation when he gets home or during the day when we call each other. I am learning to be by myself, after 2 years I'm getting used to it. The community is very clickish and judemental and there could be a whole big reason behind all this that I've always wondered, but it will take a long time to change their views if that's the case.

---------- Post Merged at 11:01 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:01 PM ----------

Thank you!

---------- Post Merged at 11:03 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:01 PM ----------

That is nice to hear. Thank you, recovery has been tough, but thank you for saying that.

---------- Post Merged at 11:03 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 11:03 PM ----------

Thank you!

 

[PrincessX]

Hi Annie, nice to meet you!

I have also moved a lot in the past, say 10 years, so I relate to some of the issues you are facing.
I lived in the very North for almost 3 years. I found some people there were very fond of their land and origin, as well as very conservative with newcomers, due to living in a closed community with limited opportunities to travel. There is not much diversity in some of these Northern communities in my experience. I am sure though, that not all people there are the same in their attitude towards newcomers. Good luck in your efforts!

 

[annie1967]

Thank you! It is good to hear a perspective from another person who has lived the Northern Life. I do hope to find some I can relate to and make friends with. Thanks for your message.

 

[Andy]

Welcome to Psychlinks Annie!:2thumbs:

 

[annie1967]

Thank you Andy!

 

[MHealthJo]

Hey there Annie, welcome!

Gosh, that's a hard situation you are dealing with, I am sorry.

I have experienced something like this, and it's tough.

Something that helped me a bit was realising that if I was going through it, then other people out there had experienced / were experiencing something similar.

Somehow knowing I was not alone in the feeling of aloneness, was somehow a little helpful... I don't really know why.


I wonder if there is a strange dynamic in the community due to the type of leadership it has had or something.... or as you say.... yeah, a definite reason for it, that maybe only a few people know or something - but whatever it is, it has influenced the way things operate. Whatever the reason is, that is a challenging thing.

I wonder if in time through a little luck, you will eventually find people who feel similar to you, and those people will feel willing to make connection with you..... or in time you may find people willing to talk about what the reasons for the area's vibe might be..... and what perhaps keeps this vibe going in the area....?

It's a tough one. I do believe that by finding support and connections of various types in other ways, such as online, it will help you be able to feel connected, and possibly also may in time lead you to finding some connections or some answers in the geography where you live......

Nice to meet you and will be thinking of you!

 

[annie1967]

Hello,

Thank you for such a nice welcome.
You described it well, the vibe and dynamics of the community I live in. I have figured it out and it's not the type of community I can easily fit into; very uppidity, clickish, judgemental. I am changed who I am to conform to different communities in the past, but I'm older now and my happiness and being me is more important. I live simply, I don't spend money frivolously, I cherish friendships, I'm happy just relaxing at home visiting, and I treat everyone the way I want to be treated. These people are not like any of the above.
I have 2 choices, either act like they do (which is not in my being) or keep to myself and enjoy my life with my husband. Its like that saying don't lose yourself to make others happy? I am starting to lose myself because I want so badly to fit in and make friends.
Neighbours here have lived here for years, they've all know each other for years, many are older and aren't comfortable with change. Also they know I moved from the south, now in the north. Southern people are frowned upon in the north here.
I was told its a whole different world in the north and I was also told nothing is ever easy, this has all proven true now in almost 3 years here.
I am very grateful to have found this forum for support, answers to my questions and strength for when others see my struggles and message me. Thank you! Hoping I make many friends here. Thanks for your message.