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[Thelostchild]

Hello all, Iam new her and i found this forum and thought it was awsome. i couldn't wait to post new topics.
well I can start off by saying i have depresson, PTSD, EDNOS? anxiety, Im a self mutilator(cutter).? I have been deppressed for many long years high school years young years, just never did anything about it until I started having anxiety attacks, cutting on myself, starving my self,purging, exercising, and suicide.

latest news
In Juanuary 06 I broke my leg which caused me to be bed bound for a while. I'am out of my cast and walking but I can't do alot that iI used to.? And I've been depressed lalety. I have gained weight. I hate it. It makes me sick to think that I gained all that weight.? After gaining and having to buy a larger size pants I have cut my self and been going to the gym everyday and working out for 2.3 hours finally.?

I go to a psychologist and see a psychiatrist. I have been on Effexor for almost a year and doses they very 150 to 375.? Which I don't think is working but I just can't get myself off of. um lorazapam 1mg for a year. and remron 35 mg for sleep for about 6months its about the only thing thats working.?

Thanks for the great forum.?

Em


<admin edit: weight details removed>

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Hi

I suffer from depression, self mutilation, and suicide attempts. I am also on meds, (yet they seem to work for my situation) and also worry constantly about my weight.

Do you keep a journal? I ask this because taking meds that do not work seems a little redundant, but how do we know that they are/arn't actually working? Remember that meds are just chemical additives, that give us the opertunity to introspect/ponder/work out things that we wouldn't usually be able to with out our emotions taking over.

With my self harming, several things were suggested to me inorder to prevent myself from doing it. (they may work for you, but only one of them did for me.) If you feel like the pain is a release, that in that moment, feeling pain is what you need, then perhaps you could try an ice cube on the wrist, or an elastic band snapped tight for that sting.
Changing your surroundings is also a clever idea, if you feel that the mutilation is becoming a formed habit that you return to when you do not know what else to do. (Won't ease the problem but will slowerly edge out the mutilisation if you feel like its getting to be just habit.
The biggest help for me, though, has been a journal. I write (or try/ i don't beat myself up if i don't for a while) in it in the evenings as a way of keeping track, (a way to keep an eye on my overall progress while being on the meds) but also, when i feel like the only thing that i can do to ease my pain is to cut, i write. Because for me - my problem is my thoughts, and they swoop around and around in my brain, receding and then coming into the for front again in bold colours. writing exactly what is in my head (with out ever the intention to show anyone, (so i don't have to write complete sentances or anything) helps me reduce the commotion and relaxes me, enough to find out what the true trouble is.
I'm glad that your hapy to have found this forum. The people here are wonderful and its good to get so many different insights.
Talk to you soon

 

[Diana]

Welcome Thelostchild. I'm happy you found this forum and I hope you find it helpful. There are many people on here with a lot of different experiences and knowledge.
One thing I just have to tell you...On this forum we try not to post specific weights and sizes because it could be triggering for some people - it's ok, don't worry about it - you're new here! It's not a big deal, but I just thought I'd let you know for future reference.

Nice to meet you!