rosedragon
Member
Hi there,
My name is Rosiana, 22, female, Indonesia. I come here with two intentions. First, to seek knowledges about human personalities, why they act these and that, to find out things about life itself. Beside for self-knowledge and understanding, I'm seek those also for working out some fictions.
Second, as I read here and there, it seems I have several disorders, well they are not annoying for me except one thing.. I hate my unstable mood. I would like to know, how you, professionals on psychology would diagnose myself if you would spare some time for me. So here are what I think I need to tell..
Right now I'm working homework as article writer on a local game magazine and technology news website.
My Past
Since I'm able to interact, I always prefer alone and making stories using my toys instead gather with other kids. My actions are eccentric. As long as I remember, I'm hardly stick with people, most of them are trying to take me down with many ways (including attempts on mental and physical abuses) or just stay away from me. The only socialization I found comfortable are around games and internet, it also for real life game such as trading cards but mostly I only playing the game together, not interacting further.
For the worst, once I was in middle of religious community (so I had built trust on them)and then get people humiliate me physical and mental while everyone else turns their back from me even my parents and cyber brother I share with for more than a year-- it bring me a trauma I never forgot. Due to my life time I was consulting to several psychologists but no one could help-- what I view they are just like normal consultants and one that diagnose as she like and giving drugs at first session.
Those doesn't stop me, so do what people expect from me not going to make me give up. But it cause me building duality inside.
Several things I found that might symptoms of disorders
- Constant changes of mood, once can be extreme happy and few minutes later extremely feeling down, because very small event or (rarely) without cause.
- Having two contradict self of thoughts and perceptions which constantly switch which is dominate which then affect actions.
- Detachment from other people.
- Rarely participates in activities for fun or pleasure (party and such not for me, games are for thrilling actions and safe interactions).
- A sense of indifference to praise and affirmation, as well as to criticism or rejection.
- Tend to become angry and frustrated when other people fail to meet expectations.
- Attention seeker
- Never able to trust people especially around their reliability but never able to hid about myself or my opinions because the attention seeker and curiosity factor.
- Eccentric perceptions, thoughts, and behaviors.
- I believe I can read several people's personalities by meet and seeing their eyes without need to know them first.
- I believe I have a dragon in spirit, which it encourage me at most difficult times and occurring since the trauma. Well, it is the only thing that keep me from suicide.
- Major difficulties in forming relationships. (Well, I'm able to find a boyfriend, but I'm unable to feel like to keep the relationship. I felt they are not who I'm looking for or had pessimistic about it.)
- Severe social anxiety that does not diminish with time or familiarity.
- Frequently ignore others or react inappropriately.
- Sensitive to rejections.
- A desire for closeness with others but difficulty forming relationships with people.
- Avoidance of social situations, including those related to school or work.
- Sometimes judging things on world as black and white.
- Random sleep time and duration. Mostly wake up at night, sleep at morning. Sometimes unreasonable tired and sleep for 16-24 hours while sometime can't sleep and not tired for 24 hours.
What I think about myself
Having contradictions/duality inside self. I am a rose and a dragon, the two contradict symbols that personify me much. I life inside fantasy, and I pour them into artworks from drawing, making game mods, to writing. I'm only opened in cyber world because I felt save from seeing what they really thinks of me and what they gonna do to me.
I'm smart with IQ test 141, ability to surpass other students when I was in school without even study a bit (only listening to teacher explanations, doing tasks given, just that.. no self study), and finishing school exams 4 times faster than other kids. I think quick and dislike of re-think on my exams (head already hurts). Compared to westerners, I think I'm not such witty, might because the level of education.
Maintaining daily relationship like what you should do when being at work exhaust me, 8 hours enough to draining my concentrations, usually I can't study anything after that for the whole day. While I have years asking why they hate me and such, I had jump into conclusion that it because my way of think is different with them just like Einstein is a weirdo. I assume this conclusion as the best especially after reading Daniel Keyes-- Flowers for Algernon.
While in conversations it seem hard to people to understand what I am trying to say, I'm able to be understood in text format such as forum posts, chats, stories. In fact, I'm able to make almost everyone know, love, and appreciate me in cyber world.
I want to change the world, life is too worthy to be just spent with dedicating, giving, and loving certain people. I know literatures, especially fictions able to inspire and changes people, so I use it as media to say what I want to say and morals/philosophies I believe.
What people said about me
- cold
- loner
- bad tempered
- stubborn
- too smart
- hard to be understood (conversations).
- high will
- have useless and senseless goal of life
Last, thank you for allowing me in and/or reading my long post. I apologize for my bad grammar.
regards,
Rosiana
My name is Rosiana, 22, female, Indonesia. I come here with two intentions. First, to seek knowledges about human personalities, why they act these and that, to find out things about life itself. Beside for self-knowledge and understanding, I'm seek those also for working out some fictions.
Second, as I read here and there, it seems I have several disorders, well they are not annoying for me except one thing.. I hate my unstable mood. I would like to know, how you, professionals on psychology would diagnose myself if you would spare some time for me. So here are what I think I need to tell..
Right now I'm working homework as article writer on a local game magazine and technology news website.
My Past
Since I'm able to interact, I always prefer alone and making stories using my toys instead gather with other kids. My actions are eccentric. As long as I remember, I'm hardly stick with people, most of them are trying to take me down with many ways (including attempts on mental and physical abuses) or just stay away from me. The only socialization I found comfortable are around games and internet, it also for real life game such as trading cards but mostly I only playing the game together, not interacting further.
For the worst, once I was in middle of religious community (so I had built trust on them)and then get people humiliate me physical and mental while everyone else turns their back from me even my parents and cyber brother I share with for more than a year-- it bring me a trauma I never forgot. Due to my life time I was consulting to several psychologists but no one could help-- what I view they are just like normal consultants and one that diagnose as she like and giving drugs at first session.
Those doesn't stop me, so do what people expect from me not going to make me give up. But it cause me building duality inside.
Several things I found that might symptoms of disorders
- Constant changes of mood, once can be extreme happy and few minutes later extremely feeling down, because very small event or (rarely) without cause.
- Having two contradict self of thoughts and perceptions which constantly switch which is dominate which then affect actions.
- Detachment from other people.
- Rarely participates in activities for fun or pleasure (party and such not for me, games are for thrilling actions and safe interactions).
- A sense of indifference to praise and affirmation, as well as to criticism or rejection.
- Tend to become angry and frustrated when other people fail to meet expectations.
- Attention seeker
- Never able to trust people especially around their reliability but never able to hid about myself or my opinions because the attention seeker and curiosity factor.
- Eccentric perceptions, thoughts, and behaviors.
- I believe I can read several people's personalities by meet and seeing their eyes without need to know them first.
- I believe I have a dragon in spirit, which it encourage me at most difficult times and occurring since the trauma. Well, it is the only thing that keep me from suicide.
- Major difficulties in forming relationships. (Well, I'm able to find a boyfriend, but I'm unable to feel like to keep the relationship. I felt they are not who I'm looking for or had pessimistic about it.)
- Severe social anxiety that does not diminish with time or familiarity.
- Frequently ignore others or react inappropriately.
- Sensitive to rejections.
- A desire for closeness with others but difficulty forming relationships with people.
- Avoidance of social situations, including those related to school or work.
- Sometimes judging things on world as black and white.
- Random sleep time and duration. Mostly wake up at night, sleep at morning. Sometimes unreasonable tired and sleep for 16-24 hours while sometime can't sleep and not tired for 24 hours.
What I think about myself
Having contradictions/duality inside self. I am a rose and a dragon, the two contradict symbols that personify me much. I life inside fantasy, and I pour them into artworks from drawing, making game mods, to writing. I'm only opened in cyber world because I felt save from seeing what they really thinks of me and what they gonna do to me.
I'm smart with IQ test 141, ability to surpass other students when I was in school without even study a bit (only listening to teacher explanations, doing tasks given, just that.. no self study), and finishing school exams 4 times faster than other kids. I think quick and dislike of re-think on my exams (head already hurts). Compared to westerners, I think I'm not such witty, might because the level of education.
Maintaining daily relationship like what you should do when being at work exhaust me, 8 hours enough to draining my concentrations, usually I can't study anything after that for the whole day. While I have years asking why they hate me and such, I had jump into conclusion that it because my way of think is different with them just like Einstein is a weirdo. I assume this conclusion as the best especially after reading Daniel Keyes-- Flowers for Algernon.
While in conversations it seem hard to people to understand what I am trying to say, I'm able to be understood in text format such as forum posts, chats, stories. In fact, I'm able to make almost everyone know, love, and appreciate me in cyber world.
I want to change the world, life is too worthy to be just spent with dedicating, giving, and loving certain people. I know literatures, especially fictions able to inspire and changes people, so I use it as media to say what I want to say and morals/philosophies I believe.
What people said about me
- cold
- loner
- bad tempered
- stubborn
- too smart
- hard to be understood (conversations).
- high will
- have useless and senseless goal of life
Last, thank you for allowing me in and/or reading my long post. I apologize for my bad grammar.
regards,
Rosiana
Have you seen a doctor qualified in diagnosing/treating mental disorders? I would give the advice for you to start there.It's important to get the correct diagnosis,rather than relying on self diagnosis or the internet.A qualified doctor/therapist needs to be able to talk to you one on one for an assessment,and together you can work out a treatment plan designed for your particular disorder
