• Quote of the Day
    "Our job in this lifetime is not to shape ourselves into some ideal we imagine we ought to be,
    but to find out who we already are and become it."
    Steven Pressfield, posted by David Baxter

Me and myself

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Joined
Jan 16, 2007
Messages
19
Points
1
This weekend I met a friend who's also going through a breakup (both girls broke with us). So, basically, we've been supporting each other through these difficult times.

We were talking about it when he asked me if I was curious about what my ex might be thinking about me and if I think about her everyday. I said "Yes! I'm curious and she's the first person I think when I get up! I'm always thinking of her!".
That's when he asked me "So, how can you handle it so well?". He was refering to the fact that I'm on my fourth week of NC and it seems that it's nothing special to me. That's when I told him that I'm always feeling bad, always feeling realy down... I just don't show it.

However this made me think maybe he's right, at a certain point. I always told my ex that if we breakup I will disapear. She never understood how could that be possible but I always react like that when a breakup occurr. So, I've been thinking why do I always enter into "NC mode" and I found the following conclusion: Revenge!

A mix of revenge to make her miss me and, also, a bit of hope, waiting her to break her pride and call me. Off course NC helps me to get over her, but when it's done as a revenge tool, it makes things harder for me 'cause, obviously, even if I can make her miss me, it will make her so mad that her pride will be higher than before. Therefore, she will never contact me (she never did). So, in a certain way it's a kind of self-destructive behaviour.

I just want to get over her but, if possible, do it in a peacefull manner, without any regrets. I've analised my relationship and what went wrong from my side, and really want to improve those areas of my life but all these thoughs are making me feel as if I'm trying to improve myself based in wrong motivations. :(
 

ThatLady

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Joined
Nov 4, 2004
Messages
4,104
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36
Re: NC wrong motivation

Perhaps, your motivations were wrong in the beginning; however, you're realizing your mistakes. Now, you need to change your thinking.

You can't MAKE someone miss you. They either will or they won't. You can't control someone else's feelings, no matter how you try to do so. People are going to feel what they feel, not what you want them to feel.

If you'll go on about your life and put the part with her in it behind you, you'll make new friends and find new interests to occupy your time and your emotions. It's a matter of putting as much effort into living your life in today as you have been putting into ruminating over yesterday. It's easier said than done, it's true; however, it is possible if you really try. :hug:
 

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