Me and myself
Member
This weekend I met a friend who's also going through a breakup (both girls broke with us). So, basically, we've been supporting each other through these difficult times.
We were talking about it when he asked me if I was curious about what my ex might be thinking about me and if I think about her everyday. I said "Yes! I'm curious and she's the first person I think when I get up! I'm always thinking of her!".
That's when he asked me "So, how can you handle it so well?". He was refering to the fact that I'm on my fourth week of NC and it seems that it's nothing special to me. That's when I told him that I'm always feeling bad, always feeling realy down... I just don't show it.
However this made me think maybe he's right, at a certain point. I always told my ex that if we breakup I will disapear. She never understood how could that be possible but I always react like that when a breakup occurr. So, I've been thinking why do I always enter into "NC mode" and I found the following conclusion: Revenge!
A mix of revenge to make her miss me and, also, a bit of hope, waiting her to break her pride and call me. Off course NC helps me to get over her, but when it's done as a revenge tool, it makes things harder for me 'cause, obviously, even if I can make her miss me, it will make her so mad that her pride will be higher than before. Therefore, she will never contact me (she never did). So, in a certain way it's a kind of self-destructive behaviour.
I just want to get over her but, if possible, do it in a peacefull manner, without any regrets. I've analised my relationship and what went wrong from my side, and really want to improve those areas of my life but all these thoughs are making me feel as if I'm trying to improve myself based in wrong motivations.
We were talking about it when he asked me if I was curious about what my ex might be thinking about me and if I think about her everyday. I said "Yes! I'm curious and she's the first person I think when I get up! I'm always thinking of her!".
That's when he asked me "So, how can you handle it so well?". He was refering to the fact that I'm on my fourth week of NC and it seems that it's nothing special to me. That's when I told him that I'm always feeling bad, always feeling realy down... I just don't show it.
However this made me think maybe he's right, at a certain point. I always told my ex that if we breakup I will disapear. She never understood how could that be possible but I always react like that when a breakup occurr. So, I've been thinking why do I always enter into "NC mode" and I found the following conclusion: Revenge!
A mix of revenge to make her miss me and, also, a bit of hope, waiting her to break her pride and call me. Off course NC helps me to get over her, but when it's done as a revenge tool, it makes things harder for me 'cause, obviously, even if I can make her miss me, it will make her so mad that her pride will be higher than before. Therefore, she will never contact me (she never did). So, in a certain way it's a kind of self-destructive behaviour.
I just want to get over her but, if possible, do it in a peacefull manner, without any regrets. I've analised my relationship and what went wrong from my side, and really want to improve those areas of my life but all these thoughs are making me feel as if I'm trying to improve myself based in wrong motivations.
