Not here often

[Ashley-Kate]

hey guys i have nt been on the site as much as i should given my current state i had a huge break down yesterday at the gym because a girl did more time ont he treadmill than me although i was running and she was walking i felt so fat and ugly and lazy i freaked out and then at school my friends were having snack together and then i bursted into tears again because i was so jealous that they could eat and i was not able to.. I am having terrible mood swings i am not sleeping well and i am having a lot of a hard time eating and reducing exercises and everything really i live in a world that it is all or nothing i feel terrible i cry everyday but i can't stop myself i know that i have the power but i don't believe that anymore???
ashley-kate

 

[foghlaim]

just wondering if you have spoken to your therapist about what's happening for you now.

i don't know what else to say because i don't know anything bout eating disorders

but i'm sorry to hear you are having a hard time right now.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's what I was wondering, too, Ashley. Are you seeing that psychologist yet? Have there been any changes in medications recently? Any additional stressors in your life?

 

[Eunoia]

*hugs*. sorry to hear how things have been going... somehow you will make it through this and just the fact that you're here and open about what's been going on shows that you want to get through this... I agree w/ everyone else, seeing your new psychologist would help you out a lot. You're never alone in this, but you need some actual help, right there with you, more than we or anyone not trained to be in that position can give you... what's been going on w/ that?? I know it feels like hell right now, and not sleeping and those mood swings aren't making it any easier, but I can only look at how much of a progress you have made so far and how incredibly brave you have been through all of it, and I know you can and will get past this bump too. You just really need to annoy the hell out of your social worker/psychologist until you get to see her. if that's all that you can manage to do right now then use all the energy you have and make that phone call to see her (assuming you haven't already seen her). if not, then tell her how you're feeling. I know it's hard, but it's the only way...

 

[Diana]

I don't have anything more to add. Just wanted to let you know that I read your post and I hope things get better. Take Eunoia's and Dr. Baxter's advice.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hey to all wirte now i am not seeing the psychologist yet the social worker has been out of town for a week now and has not communicated with me in a while i am not taking medication but i have a medical condition that causes me to be even more fatigued than i actually am and well besides that i am under the stress of my dad cringing my mom to court of my support systeme un present and the fact that all my firends are telling me that i look different that i am loosing weight again and it is overwhelming having to hide it from them at the same time trying to basicly just live i don't know if i can take it anymore i really want to get out of this hell but i am freeking out over everything
yours trully
ashley

 

[Diana]

Just out of curiosity, what is your medical condition?
I know that it must be exhausting for you with all of this stuff going on and trying to hide things. Maybe you should try less to hide things. I know that at one point you did an inpatient program and then your mom decided to take you out of it. Well, why don't you let her know that the social worker and therapists and everyone else you thought would be supporting you just isn't enough. Have you ever thought that maybe you needed to stay in the program longer than you did? Maybe you should think about that very seriously. I can't tell you what you need exactly, but if you really think about it I think you can figure out what needs to be done, and then be vocal about it. I know you probably don't want to bother your mom with all of this right now because she's trying to deal with all the court stuff, but in the end I think it will be more stress for her if you end up really sick.
Try not to focus on all the stuff with your father right now. There's really not anything you can do about that, so why don't you just focus on your health instead. I know it's difficult. But, it's not your fault and you shouldn't put more stress on yourself, because you really don't need that. Good luck. Keep us posted.

 

[Eunoia]

something doesn't make sense here... why are you still not seeing your new psychlogist? and why is your social worker away again and not on top of this??? I agree w/ Diana, maybe going back to that program or a similar one would be of more help to you right now... can you call those people again and let them know how you're doing? I faintly remember you saying that you had talked to them a few times about your progress/support back home? also, for now, are there any groups that they offer at a local hospital near you or a community mental health agency that are for people w/ ED's??? anything to get you some support really. if they can't help you get the support you need, maybe it is really up to you to go out there and find some support, it shouldn't be that way, but I also don't think you can keep on relying on that social worker who does not sound like she realizes how much you need her help or does not have the means (ie. time) to help, but then someone else should... you know, this was one of the hardest things, learning that I was and am in charge of my recovery if that ever were to happen, and it's not easy, but at least you can get things moving that way instead of waiting for someone until it suits them. I would call ANYONE at this point, let your social worker know, and your doctor but whatever support you can find, take it! did you ever get a # for your new psychologist? can you call him/her??? there's a lot of stuff going on for you right now, but no matter what is going on w/ people around you, you need to take care of yourself right now. you really need to.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hey well i had a meeting yesterday with the school and my social worker and well not much happened but i am no longuer in the mood at all to tell anybody anything they all get the chance to report back to my mom after every meeting with them to tell her a resume of what happened and now i am supposed to trust them.. i have found out that they are waiting for the psychologist and nutritionnist to call them back and know what is going on so i get to wait yet again i have an appointment schedualed in a week with my psychologist from the clinic .
yours trully
ashley