On line Friendships.

[momof5]

Is it strange to devleope an online friendship that is so special, that when you know the person is leaving it upsets you tremendously? And the possiblity of the person not returning.

I can understand something like this if you actually meet the person in person. It just boggles my mind that without meeting them personally that it can have an effect on you. A feeling of loss actually.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't think it's strange and it's certainly not unusual.

When you think about it, what really is the difference between an online friendship and a real-life one? Both involve shared experiences, conversations, shared as well as divergent opinions, and the gradual development of a bond or connection over time.

One difference is that part of the online friendship is based on your own imagination/visualization of the othr person, as well as what the other person wants to present to you or let you see - an image that in some cases may be quite different from the actual person. But as long as the friendship remains online only, it's the image that you connect with and the loss of that image when the friendship, for whatever reason, terminates.

 

[momof5]

I don't think it's strange and it's certainly not unusual.

When you think about it, what really is the difference between an online friendship and a real-life one? Both involve shared experiences, conversations, shared as well as divergent opinions, and the gradual development of a bond or connection over time.

One difference is that part of the online friendship is based on your own imagination/visualization of the othr person, as well as what the other person wants to present to you or let you see - an image that in some cases may be quite different from the actual person. But as long as the friendship remains online only, it's the image that you connect with and the loss of that image when the friendship, for whatever reason, terminates.

You are correct about the converstaions and the gradual development of a bond/connection. This has developed over a peroid of about a year and a half.

And the friendship has remained online.

I have never been one to handle losses in my life very well. I tend to be an overly emotional person.

It is good to know that it is not strange and unusal. thank you.

 

[jubjub]

The originator of the family forum where I am a moderator (he lives in Manchester, U.K.) will be getting married to one of our other members in early November. (She is from Kansas, I believe.) They met through his forum site and have known each other via the internet for a few years now, I guess. They met face to face for the first time last year. His occupation is in internet security and she is a farm girl. Seems like this internet friendship had a happy ending!

 

[sammy]

Hi, I'm new (Hey, where's the smilies?) oh you've got img, so I hope you don't mind

..

I think of it like 'the old days' when people wrote letters to one another, and sometimes didn't even meet, but had very real, close friendships.

I started a Christian forum a few months ago, and the regular members are very close... I have met 2 of them...and a larger group of us are hoping to get together in October....

I think as long as we have fairly good discernment about who is genuine, then it's ok to trust, and be open, and yourself....

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's a good way of putting it, sammy, and welcome to the forums, by the way...

Do people still have penpals? We used to be encouraged to do that when I was in school - write letters to students in other countries and exchange thoughts about life and what it was like to live in different countries. I think it is possible to develop some good friendships through this medium...

 

[sammy]

I guess not many have penpals in the regular way, of writing, but many do via the PC, as I do...
I'm from the U.K. and have good 'cyber' friends in the U.S. (who I would love to meet one day...who knows?)

 

[MMJ]

I recently broke off with a online friend after talking to her for 4 years. We planned on meeting up but she suddenly didn't seem to like me anymore and just stopped talking. But that happends offline as well.
I still feel upset about it but I can't change it. I know she's happy doig whatever she's doing and that oddly makes me feel better knowing she's alright even if we don't talk anymore.

I don't think it's strange to feel a loss about lossing a friend online. It's just like loosing a friend offline. A friend is a friend. online or not.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't think it's strange to feel a loss about losing a friend online. It's just like losing a friend offline. A friend is a friend. online or not.

Absolutely. And the loss can be and usually is just as intense and "real".

 

[Ash]

I agree. I've made some wonderful friends on another board where I mod. People that are very special to me. I'm actually hoping to be able to go to Europe to meet them.

 

[MMJ]

Oh that's so cool! I really want to meet a friend about halfway across the US from where I live. I think it's so cool that people can meet up. I wish you luck!

 

[BrianneD]

Isn't it great that the Internet can bring people together? Few years ago the world was concerned about it; common sense was that the Internet would make people isolate themselves more and more...

I have made true friends online and also have had my heart broken. Lol It is worth it, anyway. And not strange at all.

 

[Ash]

Isn't it great that the Internet can bring people together? Few years ago the world was concerned about it; common sense was that the Internet would make people isolate themselves more and more...

LOL Yeah, that really doesn't make sense now that you look at it. Most of the people I chat with are in Western Europe. The only crappy thing is not being able to just hang out with them. And the fact that I end up having to chat during work hours because of the time difference.

 

[Ash]

Oh that's so cool! I really want to meet a friend about halfway across the US from where I live. I think it's so cool that people can meet up. I wish you luck!

You too! It's wonderful meeting new people. You can really expand your horizons, especially when you're talking to people from different countries. It's pretty funny explaining certain things to my friend in Sweden. LOL

 

[sammy]

I recently broke off with a online friend after talking to her for 4 years. We planned on meeting up but she suddenly didn't seem to like me anymore and just stopped talking. But that happends offline as well.

yes it does, it's still sad though
Maybe she got cold feet with the meeting coming up... didn't feel ''good enough'' in real life.
Maybe felt you might not accept the 'real her.'

It is sad...I have met 3 separate people that I have talked to on forums...
Each time, when we 'physically' met, it was quite easy as I felt that I had known them for ages, which I had really.
We had also spoken by phone previous to the meeting, also, which can help.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Sometimes people do misrepresent themselves online, too -- that is sometimes the reason for the "cold feet" you mention, Ash.

Another factor is that some people who form and enjoy online relationships may, for a number of quite valid reasons, want those relationships to remain only online -- if the other person then makes an attempt to "grow" the relationship into the "real world", this may end the relationship because it now puts it into another category, which isn't wanted.

 

[Retired]

One of my activities is travel in a motorhome..ie RV travel. When I first began RV travel fifteen years ago, the number of online sites was very limited.

I was lucky to find one on one of the old online bulletin board services, where as a bonus the service provided for off line reader capability.

The result was that thousands of people across North America and even worldwide formed a community where very strong and long lasting friendships were formed.

That venue is still online and many of us regularly meet throughout the year and some of us have moved to live closer to the friends we made online through this community.

I should be stated the venue I refer to is strictly monitored for any activity that contravenes strict guidelines of behaviour.

So not all online communities feed on deception and misrepresentation, because I have experienced first hand how people meeting online can truly form lasting friendships.

The unfortunate reality is that many internet venues cannot be trusted to control the incoming traffic, leaving participants vulnerable.

 

[Retired]

One of my activities is travel in a motorhome..ie RV travel. When I first began RV travel fifteen years ago, the number of online sites was very limited.

I was lucky to find one on one of the old online bulletin board services, where as a bonus the service provided for off line reader capability.

The result was that thousands of people across North America and even worldwide formed a community where very strong and long lasting friendships were formed.

That venue is still online and many of us regularly meet throughout the year and some of us have moved to live closer to the friends we made online through this community.

I should be stated the venue I refer to is strictly monitored for any activity that contravenes strict guidelines of behaviour.

So not all online communities feed on deception and misrepresentation, because I have experienced first hand how people meeting online can truly form lasting friendships.

The unfortunate reality is that many internet venues cannot be trusted to control the incoming traffic, leaving participants vulnerable.

 

[AlmostMe]

Is it strange to devleope an online friendship that is so special, that when you know the person is leaving it upsets you tremendously? And the possiblity of the person not returning.

I can understand something like this if you actually meet the person in person. It just boggles my mind that without meeting them personally that it can have an effect on you. A feeling of loss actually.

I can relate to this completely!

The internet has shown that "energy" can be felt, a connection can be made, even before each person knows what they look like.

 

[AlmostMe]

Is it strange to devleope an online friendship that is so special, that when you know the person is leaving it upsets you tremendously? And the possiblity of the person not returning.

I can understand something like this if you actually meet the person in person. It just boggles my mind that without meeting them personally that it can have an effect on you. A feeling of loss actually.

I can relate to this completely!

The internet has shown that "energy" can be felt, a connection can be made, even before each person knows what they look like.