I had a big life is boring phase around my 17 - 20 years of life as in I'd feel like I can't feel things like I used to and also I led a boring life and was afraid that the world had become boring as a grown up. I'm over that. However I still have a fear of traveling as at the end of high school we had a trip with the whole class to another country and as soon as we started driving there I felt this huge opposite of feeling, like I expected somehow to feel better and fun to just travel to another country but it was really boring. Since then I suspect I have traveling fear, not of traveling to near by places but bigger travels like going for 1 hour to the beach or similar. Logically I'd have to just not to expect to feel different but it might be stuck subconsciously.
So when i went to a nearby town, traveling 1 hour, to the hospital to get my eyes checked I was alone for 4 hours not knowing what to do with myself just waiting, it was terrible, I spoke about 20 minutes with people waiting there too, the rest I was alone, first feeling nothing then it turned into a psychedelic feeling like I'm going to go crazy, I kinda expect that was my minds way of feeling something by going crazy to kill the feeling of nothing. Now when I have bad experiences psychologically I often just don't think about them anymore and set them aside as just bad experience, cause thinking a lot about them might pull them into my mind and I might get bad thinking habits from it and cause it to occur again.
I wonder if traveling boredom phobia even exists.
Second issue. Bar fights.
I trained some fighting sports over the years and know how to fight but my father is a total non fighter and I obviously have part of his genes and my flight or fight response is not the most warrior like. I know everyone get's nervous but well. It causes me not to go out on weekends. I hate how people think cause I have a combat background in these sports that I can just kick ass, in bar fights it's chaotic and not a fair surrounding, and intimidation's a factor. I feel it's dangerous I don't want to get brain damage and have psychological problems from it, I'm keeping my mental health issues private here but I did have some problems. I'm sure bar fights are much much lighter then what my fear tells me but however people do get knocked out sometimes. I guess it's better risking getting knocked out then not really living your life.
What if I'm with a girl out and somebody does something, I would look like the biggest tool ever if I didn't stand up for it and that can always lead to a fight ( I don't consider people who totally avoid fights tools just would feel like one myself). I see the solution as believing more in my fighting abilities (not my skills but well that I'll be able to actually do something to throw a punch and not just freeze up) and knowing others get nervous too, however it's not my skills it's how I will feel will I be strong when it matters or will I have some blockades in me. How much of this is in my power and how much is genetic ?
Also going out thinking bout fighting makes me weird ; it's like I worry bout if I look at people too aggressively or to scared, like I know some trouble makers look for fights trough eye contact often as to see who is the alpha male, if you don't want trouble just look away.
One defining moment was almost getting into a bar fight with this trouble guy about a year ago, I actually felt really strong as I was alos lifting weights and things but the way he ran upon me screaming for some reason really intimidated me, I'm not a intimidation type of person I'd rather just fight but well. I would love to fight that guy in a kickboxing match where I know how to do it however a bar fight is different much shorter more adrenaline I just don't have expirience with them, well I was trying to help a friend who is bartender and watned to throw the guy out and outside that guy actualy got into a fight with the bar owner , he was acting tough but as soon as he got punched he started apologising. Funny thing I sparred the bar owner a few weeks before and feel like I can "take him" but he has balls ot fight and I not so much. However I did not back out of this fight as it just didn't happen he just got thrown out and when he saw me moving towards him he charged at em while getting thrown out so I have no guilt or regrets bout that night just got heavily suprised that I could get intimidated like that, it kinda changed my psyche a little and opened my eyes in some way.
I can't articulate myself as well anymore now as I've been writing for an hour in a row and am a bit hungry maybe. Hope to get a helpful discussion out of this.
Edit - even though when I think about it, when I was a kid I would get into occasional fights (just a few) and be normal about it and my first boxing sparring session also went very well I bloodied my training partners nose and wasn't scared. Also I also notice fear in others as well. Maybe I just made myself believe I can't fight or something I really don't know right now.
So when i went to a nearby town, traveling 1 hour, to the hospital to get my eyes checked I was alone for 4 hours not knowing what to do with myself just waiting, it was terrible, I spoke about 20 minutes with people waiting there too, the rest I was alone, first feeling nothing then it turned into a psychedelic feeling like I'm going to go crazy, I kinda expect that was my minds way of feeling something by going crazy to kill the feeling of nothing. Now when I have bad experiences psychologically I often just don't think about them anymore and set them aside as just bad experience, cause thinking a lot about them might pull them into my mind and I might get bad thinking habits from it and cause it to occur again.
I wonder if traveling boredom phobia even exists.
Second issue. Bar fights.
I trained some fighting sports over the years and know how to fight but my father is a total non fighter and I obviously have part of his genes and my flight or fight response is not the most warrior like. I know everyone get's nervous but well. It causes me not to go out on weekends. I hate how people think cause I have a combat background in these sports that I can just kick ass, in bar fights it's chaotic and not a fair surrounding, and intimidation's a factor. I feel it's dangerous I don't want to get brain damage and have psychological problems from it, I'm keeping my mental health issues private here but I did have some problems. I'm sure bar fights are much much lighter then what my fear tells me but however people do get knocked out sometimes. I guess it's better risking getting knocked out then not really living your life.
What if I'm with a girl out and somebody does something, I would look like the biggest tool ever if I didn't stand up for it and that can always lead to a fight ( I don't consider people who totally avoid fights tools just would feel like one myself). I see the solution as believing more in my fighting abilities (not my skills but well that I'll be able to actually do something to throw a punch and not just freeze up) and knowing others get nervous too, however it's not my skills it's how I will feel will I be strong when it matters or will I have some blockades in me. How much of this is in my power and how much is genetic ?
Also going out thinking bout fighting makes me weird ; it's like I worry bout if I look at people too aggressively or to scared, like I know some trouble makers look for fights trough eye contact often as to see who is the alpha male, if you don't want trouble just look away.
One defining moment was almost getting into a bar fight with this trouble guy about a year ago, I actually felt really strong as I was alos lifting weights and things but the way he ran upon me screaming for some reason really intimidated me, I'm not a intimidation type of person I'd rather just fight but well. I would love to fight that guy in a kickboxing match where I know how to do it however a bar fight is different much shorter more adrenaline I just don't have expirience with them, well I was trying to help a friend who is bartender and watned to throw the guy out and outside that guy actualy got into a fight with the bar owner , he was acting tough but as soon as he got punched he started apologising. Funny thing I sparred the bar owner a few weeks before and feel like I can "take him" but he has balls ot fight and I not so much. However I did not back out of this fight as it just didn't happen he just got thrown out and when he saw me moving towards him he charged at em while getting thrown out so I have no guilt or regrets bout that night just got heavily suprised that I could get intimidated like that, it kinda changed my psyche a little and opened my eyes in some way.
I can't articulate myself as well anymore now as I've been writing for an hour in a row and am a bit hungry maybe. Hope to get a helpful discussion out of this.
Edit - even though when I think about it, when I was a kid I would get into occasional fights (just a few) and be normal about it and my first boxing sparring session also went very well I bloodied my training partners nose and wasn't scared. Also I also notice fear in others as well. Maybe I just made myself believe I can't fight or something I really don't know right now.
or call the police. The male ego is usually what men are defending, not women. My brother was arrested once for such macho behavior.
