Please help - I'm so angry but only some of the time

[soveryangry]

recently minor stuff has been causing me to completely fly off the handle in mega fits of really intense rage. Like, if the subject of my rage had been around me a couple of hours ago I would genuinely have kicked him to death. I'm not joking, I really really would have murdered him. I was so angry I couldn't breathe and if I didn't kick something around me I swear I'd have tried to kill myself.

And I hate being like this - this isn't me. I nearly smashed a load of glass doors but for the grace of god they were tough enough to not shatter. I was kicking walls and anything in sight. I know it sounds like a horrible 2 year old having a tantrum but I was so so so angry.
I was meant to go to a christmas party, complicated situation that I don't want to go into but basically I couldn't find something and then couldn't go and I was so angry becayse I left college early for it and everything.
Recently I verbally assaulted a complete stranger in public too, because she cut in line. I'm not talking a quiet "B!tch" under my breath, I'm talking actual serious verbal assault.

THis isn't me. I've been past all the teenage angsty stuff for years now.

Please don't suggest anger management, I'd probably hit whoever told me to calm down. I don't know why I'm like this though. I'm a happy person and not just a happy person, I'm a coper. (I know it doesn't sound like it, but ya know the people that don't get stage fright, that don't fall to pieces in an emergency, that don't fall apart when someone dies -thats me)


please help.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Welcome to Psychlinks, angry.

Anger can often be the external sign of something else, like anxiety or depression.

What may have been happening lately in your life to cause this rather sudden change?

And what sorts of things are triggering such anger? (I know you mentioned a couple above but are these typical examples or is it also trivial things?)

 

[soveryangry]

college - my course has a 50% failure rate in this year, a 50% failure rate the next year and a 75% failure rate the following year

my mum has been diagnosed with depression and her brother has bipolar disorder and her dad had to be sectioned for attempting to commit suicide years back

my brother is only 16 but he's already an alcoholic

that's about it. like discounting family (who I love implicitly and know they can't change who they are) there's nothing much wrong with my life, I'm pretty much top of my class and I have a wonderful loving boyfriend.

edit sorry misread your post. THat's what's been going on. It's that sorta stuff that triggers it. Actually it can be anything really. One small thing just like someone sitting beside me on the bus when I want to be left alone leaves me seething all day but I don't lash out cos I don't want to be arrsestd.

 

[white page]

Hi Soveryangry ,

Welcome to psychlinks , I am hearing what you are saying , and I have one suggestion to make , if you are finding that you are having such intense and radical mood changes which are not your normal behaviour pattern , then I would have a full physical check up as soon as possible , there could be any number of reasons which could affect your anger levels , one is thyroid imbalance , or other temporary organ disfunction or even a food allergy , so maybe this is the first thing to do , blood tests etc . tell your doc exactly how you feel and that this is not your normal behaviour .I am sure other members have other suggestions to make .

good luck and let us know how you get on , wp
ps I just saw Dr Baxters reply and yours so maybe my advice is not appropriate

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Is it possible that you are also suffering from depression, do you think? Any recent changes in:

• sleep patterns?
• eating habits or appetite?
• physical symptoms?
• memory and/or concentration?
• ability to enjoy things in your life that you've previously enjoyed?
• nonspecific feelings of dread, like something bad is going to happen?

When did you last have a medical exam that included blood work?

 

[soveryangry]

I dunno, I don't think I'm suffering from depression.

Overall I tend to be pretty... if not happy then satisfied, or as much as you can be doing a very intensive college course.

Don't really have any of the above tbh. What do you mean by physical symptoms? I'm always tired like, always feel physically run down no matter how much I sleep but I'm not anaemic. I've lost interest in intamicy in my rleationhsip though, i really just like the companionship part of it at the moment. that always happens with me though, i lose intrest in the sexual aspect of a relationsihp after a while. other than that, no. No changes.

haven't had blood tests done in about a year and a half. Dont thin it's a food allergy, I'm lactose intolerant but like, I know that and aviod it.

 

[white page]

Hi soveryangry ,

It would be a good idea to have that medical checkup , hormones etc. as I said there are are a number of things which could be out of kilter , and Dr Baxter is right, Depression can cause excessive irritation and anger , I really would go to see your Dr. as soon as possible .

take care wp

 

[Retired]

Hello Angry,

The illness of depression has many variations, and considering anger and the rage reactions you have described, it might well be in your interest to see your family physician, describe what you have shared here and ask for a consultation with a mental health professional.

You will likely discover these reactions are treatable and your behaviours can be modified. Your volatile behaviours are obviously affecting your quality of life, and if the rage is as intense as you have described, you might want to seek intervention before there is an injury.

 

[Lana]

Sometimes, anger can mask fear. Did something frighten you to bring on these episodes? When did this begin and what prompted it?

 

[soveryangry]

I've booked myself in for an appointment with the college doctor next week to get a referral for blood tests.

See the thing is, I'm generally quite a happy person. I don't feel sad, if anything I'm a normally an upbeat person and I wear people out with constant chatter and joking. I almost always see the bright side of things, I'm a real optimist at heart so I don't understand this. The only thing making me sad at the moment is these outbursts. I used to get like this maybe once a year or so, maybe less but lately it's about once every two weeks. It initially started in a set of very embarrasing circumstances that I haven't actually told anyone about, but that was 5 years ago. (I'm 20 now, in case anyone was wondering).

Nothing really frightened me either. Yesterday I was annoyed because I'd gotten myself all excited about going out to this party, lost an essential item that I needed and couldn't go and refused to listen to reason when my mum was suggesting where I could borrow said item.
The previous time I couldn't find my swimsuit so wouldn't go to the gym, even though I could have bought a new one there. It's like, if even the smallest thing goes wrong I just see red and that's it, game over, I'm in a rage (or stifling one if I'm in public).

They're all such small petty things and I should not be reacting like this. In retrospect, I could have even gone yesterday without what I wanted but I was being so stubborn I wouldn't even entertain the idea. It's very confusing. Thanks for the replies.

 

[white page]

Hi Soveryangry ,
I am so glad to hear that you have an appointment next week to get a referral ,
this is good news indeed , it must be very distressing for you to be feeling this unwanted anger at the moment , and I hope you find the root cause of this as soon as possible .
take care and thanks for letting us know about the appointment . wp

 

[Retired]

I'm generally quite a happy person. .......It's very confusing

Which is the very reason to be evaluated by a professional. Interpreting our behaviours, motivations, reactions and thinking is not always intuitive for us lay people.

When our behaviour interferes with quality of life, or becomes distressing to us, and we cannot find the solution on our own, then one would be well advised to seek out a mental health professional who knows the right questions to ask in order to suggest strategies for change.

As you have correctly explained, the issue does not appear to be mood which is causing you difficulty, but rather inappropriate and disproportional rage reactions.

A competent mental health professional can help you understand the cause and suggest ways in which you might implement change.

If you are attending a university, and your appointment is with student health services, the student health services may be your best resource for a referral.

Please keep us posted on what you decide and on your progress.

 

[soveryangry]

Hi all

Just a quick update. Went to see the college doc yesterday and I'm really glad I did. She was sooooooooooooooooo much nicer than my family doctor and it was much easier to talk to her. Bless her she could see how tense I was (and also copped that I'm the type that clams up and won't talk) so she kept me talking I think just to reassure me for absolutely ages, which was nice of her. She said she isn't really sure what's making me lose control so easily as I've a good diet and don't smoke/do drugs/drink alcohol, which is why she's sending me to get blood tests done. Have to book an appointment with the hospital so it'll probably be in the new year but I've to get:

(Trying to read the writing on the letter)
Hb(?), FBC, EGR (possibly ESR)
U/E Creatinine
Thyroid
Blood Sugar
and a full hormonal profile.

I've also been told to book in with the college councelling service so they can teach me some, as she put it, techniques to learn how to separate myself from the situation and to calm down before I do get out of hand. Luckily I had calmed down sufficiently that I didn't hit her when she suggested it.

Although she says she's not sure what's wrong she thinks I might have thyroid issues (which do run in the family). When I went in she asked what course I was doing and when she heard she did say that the college health service had had words with our lecturers so I guess I'm not the only one caving in a bit. Thanks for reading and for the advice about seeing the doc.

 

[Jazzey]

That's great new soveryangry - might even have to change your name after all of this is done?! Thanks for sharing it here.

 

[stargazer]

I've booked myself in for an appointment with the college doctor next week to get a referral for blood tests.

That's good. Good luck with that, and welcome to PsychLinks.

See the thing is, I'm generally quite a happy person. I don't feel sad, if anything I'm a normally an upbeat person and I wear people out with constant chatter and joking. I almost always see the bright side of things, I'm a real optimist at heart so I don't understand this.

That sounds a lot like me, actually. I've met other people like that too. The M.O. (correct me if I'm wrong) is that we are ordinarily very cheerful until something comes along to mess with that. We then feel as though something robbed us of our good spirits. We feel a sense of violation, and it causes us to react. I speak of course only as a layman (just to let you know I am not a doctor or anybody like that), but I can identify with being angry. It's something I'm trying to get a handle on myself.

Yesterday I was annoyed because I'd gotten myself all excited about going out to this party, lost an essential item that I needed and couldn't go and refused to listen to reason when my mum was suggesting where I could borrow said item.

This is an example of what I mean. Had you not been so excited about going to the party, you probably wouldn't have gotten so upset when you couldn't find that essential item.

I can also relate to feeling like you have to punch something, throw something, pound on something, etc. - but there isn't anything there that would be an acceptable subject for such rage. It hasn't happened with me lately, but it definitely has happened, off and on, throughout my life. That's why I'm posting, to indicate that I might identify.

Just three more ideas, and I'll let you go.

(1) If you have the inclination, you might find meditation helpful, and you might also benefit from reading some Eastern philosophy, particularly along the lines of Buddhism, where there is a great emphasis on lowering the life-expectations in order not to become so frustrated when they happen to be unfulfilled.

(2) I've found it helpful not to hang around angry people. One of my last employers was a very angry man, and I believe it rubbed off on me. Actually, seeing his example provided me with justification for my anger. There's actually a Proverb about this somewhere: "with an angry man do not go, lest you learn his ways." (Not gonna quote chapter and verse.)

(3) A lot of this might be physiological. I think the medications I am taking are helping me with my anger.

Hope this helps - you can take it or leave it, but good luck with everything.