I grew up in a family where my dad was emotionally and at times physically abusive to me. My mother acted exactly the way her mother did with her abusive dad: silently stood back and watched. After finally settling into my college for a year, I contracted mono very badly the fall semester, sophomore year after midterms. I had to go home, and I was extremely sick in bed for months. When I finally got better, I started taking courses from a local community college and working full-time as well. By chance, fate, whatever- I met the greatest man I have ever known. If I had written down my list of the qualities of a perfect guy, he had them all. Encouraging, understanding, a great listener, same undeniably dorky sense of humor, would do absolutely anything on earth to show his love for me. We had been dating quite awhile, when one day, my dad was infuriated like always and chased me around our house. I barely escaped by getting into my room and locking the door. He punched a hole in the door and kept trying to get in. I was scared to death, and called my boyfriend, sobbing, who lived one state away. He immediately replied "You HAVE to get out of that situation." I knew he was right. This had been going on for too long, and it was getting worse. He rented a U-Haul, came up, and rescued me. He let me stay in his apartment, and helped me look everyday for a job and an apartment. I found both. I was so relieved to have a best friend who loved me that much. I've been living here for about 4 months now. One month ago, I lost my full-time job. My employer didn't even give me a reason for firing me. I was shocked; I've never been fired at any job before. I was incredibly stressed about bills and everything, but my boyfriend insisted I would be okay, and offered to pay for all of my bills until I was able to get a job again. I applied for a school in NYC to go to in the spring. I never planned on going, because of lack of money. My boyfriend found out I was accepted there, and was so excited for me. He told me that I didn't need to worry; he would get me to school. I felt so incredibly blessed. Even though my life had seemed like it was going nowhere, I now had a future to look forward to, and I had the greatest friend that anyone could have ever asked for. Every single day for the past month, I have looked for a job, and haven't been able to land one. Then, three days ago, my boyfriend ended our relationship, completely out of the blue. He said he just didn't think we were perfect for each other, and that he cares about me a ton, but can't stay with me anymore. He told me not to ever call him or come see him, because it would make things worse. Now, I have no job to pay for all of the bills that are piling up. I have no friend to talk to, no one to listen to me. I do not know anyone in this city besides him, since I had been so busy with my full-time job, full-course load online, and him. My parents didn't care when I called them, upset. They just yelled at me for obviously being the worst girlfriend in the world, since he broke up with me. They told me I didn't know how to love, and that no one would ever love me or stay with me. I have been crying day and night. I can no longer go to my school. I have to write them and tell them that I won't be there in January, even though I have already sent in deposits. I feel so betrayed. I just lie in bed and want to die. No one is here for me. No one calls me, and no one answers their phone when I call. Or, they are too busy to talk. I feel completely and utterly alone. I just want to die. I don't understand why this has happened to me, why he left. Why I have no job. Why my parents hate me. Why I have no friends. Why God seems to have disappeared. I had always thought that, even if he broke up with me, he would continue to be there for me and be my friend. I just cannot believe that even though he knows I have absolutely no one to talk to, he refuses to be the one friend. Women have his intuition thing, and I had always felt with my entire heart that he was the one I would spend my life with. I was not being naive, because I have had long-term relationships with guys I truly enjoyed, but this was different. In the past, when I have gotten an intuition about something, I have not once been wrong. I never thought this would happen; it just seems impossible. I don't even care about school as much, or well-paying jobs. . .I just want my friend back.
But right now, I need anything. Any hope. I feel dead inside.
But right now, I need anything. Any hope. I feel dead inside.
