More threads by exhausted


Okay, so I am the depressed person that tries to solve her own problems.
After the previous post I started thinking about the little and big miracles in my life that were 'meant to be' giving my life meaning. God has his plan for each of us. So perhaps when we are sad we should look back on our lives and remember those little things in good and bad times that made a difference...

You don't have to bore yourself by reading mine, but feel free if you think this will remind you. This is my self therapy:

My third child was born early in a traumatic birth weighing 1 1/2 lbs on his second day of life. My wedding ring could fall off his shoulder or thigh. BUT God was there and during those horrendous months were many miracles that occured against all odds. I would list them, but it might waste space here, the whole things was a dozen little miracles in one. Sonny is 9 now and physically healthy and has put on a little weight!

When Sonny was on his heart monitor and was 5 months old and I awoke in the middle of the night. The monitor had not gone off but something told me to go check on my baby. A brady light was on but not beeping, so no worry, right? I layed back down next to the bassinet. But something urged me again to get up and check him....the nurses said check color first monitor second.
I looked at my baby's dusky face, bluish under his eyes, other than that a grayish color... but the monitor was not beaping.....layed back down.
NO< I must get up... I picked him up put the bottle in his mouth, he began to drink.
This happened twice this particular October. In November during a weeks hospital stay for Sonny, the monitor company downloaded all events that had occured for the prior month. PHYSICIAN"S didn't believe it, twice my babies heart rate had dropped to ONE beat a minute at 3:45 am (one time)... the monitor had failed to go off but did record the event. Who woke me up to save my babies life? Why? There is a purpose to our lives.

Years and years ago after my parents had guardianship of my then 8 & 9 Year old for a year I went to court to get them back, after all I had married and had another child. No reason they should have continued in my parents care, I had gotten on my feet and that was the goal.
I had prepared for the court hearing myself with an inch thick of evidence in my defense. Some of which I knew would be hurtful to my parents who I loved outside of the court battle. I hesitated when the Judge asked for my case documents, I informed him I was sad to hurt my parents.
I won, my parents were heartbroken, they wanted to keep my children, they loved them too. I had to hurt my parents (with a true incident) to get them back. I won, I should have been happy, but I was so worried about my mother.
I left the courtroom sad, ironically, and a man in a suit surrounded by other legal officials (so it appeared) looked straight at me and smiled. It was an almost angelic smile. He looked right into my eyes. I looked away, I looked back, and he was gone. Where did he go?
My only summation here is that I had used my talents and abilities against all odds to overcome a challenge and won against my biggest critics (my parents). I overcame something big to me. I was stronger than I thought. It was not the outcome of the hearing but the ability of potential I had to beat the odds when I gave my effort... the journey was the means of an end.

When I was just 21 and in college, I left college one night and didn't go straight home. I turned on the Christian radio station ... cried and prayed for two hours for the 2 year old little girl next door who was truly being physically and menatlly abused by her father and young pregnant step mom. I had done everything else like reported it to welfare. This sweet baby girl would end up like Sybil if the abuse continued. I prayed for God even to sacrifice my own life for this little girls safety (even though I should have been thinking of my own little kids).
I went home after a very emotional prayer session with God. I went into the bathroom and blood and clots started pouring out of me. I was 3 months pregnant myself. The ambulence was called and on the operating table that night I almost died. I did not once think to pray for my own life... a counselor later asked 'why', I explained, 'I was not worthy'.
I did have an out of body experience... but God spared my life.
A month later, the parents of the little girl were on the run, the baby was returned to her real mother, and a year later I was a major witness for the prosecution for felony child abuse charges in which the couple were convicted.
Miracles? Coiciendences?

My family and I traveled to a small town in Oregon on Easter a few years ago just an hour from the coast. We were to visit my x's father and step mother. They had always treated me badly and were harsh on my younger set of kids (there grandkids) 3 and 7 then. I was not looking forward to visiting them as people, but I liked the travel. My only wish was that my then husband would allow us to visit the beautiful Pacific coast during that week.
It was a disaster from the get go... his step mother got me alone in the kitchen and was cruel, then acted like nothing happened when the others walked in. NORMALLY I am pretty aggressive and would never tolerate this, however, this was family, I was in their home, I respect others homes. I kept my mouth shut for several hours then lost it.
I grabbed my kids with $20 in my pocket, 1000 miles from home, and headed to the ocean. After $20 was not going to get us home anyway. While me and the children made our way to the ocean through the grean, yellow, orange trees and foothills we began to relax.
Once at the ocean, I stopped at some little cottages I had seen a few years earlier. The spanish speaking mantainence man who was turning them into apartments told me it would be $20 a night. I gave him my money... MIRACLE? or COICIDENCE?
There was only a pay phone in the courtyard of the cottages. A big man with a kind voice was using that phone. The kids played while I waited pleasantly but impatiently to use the phone after him. He helped me when he got off the phone, I tearfully told him of the situation, not only did he give me another $20, but allowed me to use his phone card to call my family to wire me enough money for the rest of the trip.
Paul then proceeded to help me get the kids in the room, then even went to the beach with us in the high winds. When my 3 year old almost got swept away in the rough Oregon coast, it was this big man named Paul that ran to his rescue before I could get there.
Paul ate with us, played cards with my boys, told them a bedtime story, then sat outside on the porch next to the beach and we talked till 2 am.

When I had arrived at the cottage, I thought everything was perfect regardless of our situation... except I was alone, I had no one to share the beach with, no companionship.

I never saw Paul again. Never saw him the next morning or the day after that I stayed. Where he went I will never know... but he was a miracle when I needed it the most and I will never forget him.

Wow, I feel better. If any one even read this, I hope it was interesting. I am sure I can think of many good things that were coicidently there in times of trouble... but there are too many too count... so why be depressed...

Sometimes just when you need it most...just when we have given up all hope, God comes just in the nick of time.



wow, that story was touching, like it puts a lot into perspecitve

i was wondering, when you said that blood n clots were coming from you in the bedroom, were u miscarrying, or did you cut yourself?
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